Word to Triple_N.................Uppin.................... .............

tweety is in love with me:shocked:


uppin

uppin............................................. .

This was feedback posted for Paranoid
 

i'll battle you topical paranoid......eh eh you pick da topic n lines if u want

sure

its gonna be set up right away.


upnizzle!

Voted For: mizz fyre

Flow - Both of you had nice structure and excellent flow.But I think Tweety stayed more consistant.
Flow=tweety

Emotion -Paraniod.....tweety seemed to be tellin a story and not really having emotion.But it did't hurt her verse one bit really.
Emtion=papraniod

Captiviting -I think Tweety had a more captivating verse because papraniod seemed a lil on the boring side.I guess because all this drama/sadness emotion shit is gettin tiresome.
captivating=tweety

Vocab - Paraniod.....not to say tweety's was bad...but it's just paraniod's was better.
Vocab=Paraniod

Originality -Tweety....her concept of a girl before marriage is sumtin I haven't really seen before.
Originality=Tweety

Vote-tweety(please drop a vote in my battle below or I'll have to remove this vote)
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=196901

^^^thanx for the vote but you got me confused wit tweety lol

Voted For: Paranoid

Paranoid

Undisputed Thoughts
Unable to eat properly, just cause I’m poor wishing to Christ
Judgements such as life, the chance of me shining isn’t Right
Apparently fate excluded me from all the political Decisions
On such undiscovered missions, I’m stuck picturing Visions
Such visions that get me frustrated, even more and more Hated
Undisputed thoughts grasping my intelligence making me Rated
My reality was broken apart, over all the unbelievable Fatality
Furious thoughts and dream, such emptiness created Mentality
I tried not to think about the disrespect, friendship didn’t Connect
I felt stuck in confusion, feel never the less but only a Suspect
The purity of my life’s sanity, really felt like an scary Illusion
Dropped in the myth of a delusion, I couldn’t snap the Confusion
The hate was evident, I could understand nothings ever Correct
Hungry and all, I was always upset, life can never be Perfect
Trying not to get to serious, the hunger gets just to Furious
I begin to ask myself why, I think imperious and act so Curious
Somehow I need to look for repetitive answers for my own Rights
Keep on with the education, being able to see the bright Lights
When my mom offered delicious food to my dad, I was Surprised
Through the yelling, the actions of mom must have been Disguised
I wish for a better living, moving would be for the greater Story
Competitive rareness would bring fate to me, so I’d prove Glory

Overall
Yo this was a nice verse flow was on point structure was nice and even you maintained a decent level of rhyming and rhythm in this piece...topic was well approached kept on point nicely fav bars in particular were...

Apparently fate excluded me from all the political Decisions
On such undiscovered missions, I’m stuck picturing Visions
Such visions that get me frustrated, even more and more Hated
Undisputed thoughts grasping my intelligence making me Rated
My reality was broken apart, over all the unbelievable Fatality
Furious thoughts and dream, such emptiness created Mentality

kept it on point IMO this was the strongest part of the verse early on but maintained it throughout well nice drop

Mizz Fyre

Dawn breaks, gently I arouse from my dream, finally awake
momma busy baking the cake, I feel numb, my head aches
Sweet music playing, the whole family here, silently praying
Wishing me well, for my big day, my thoughts are swaying
I close the curtain, walk outside, the rain lashes my brown skin
I grin at the thought of my family saying my future should begin
“Come inside” my daddy calls, its time for you to get changed
I feel sadness, by me this marriage couldn’t even be arranged

The mirror reflecting my image, really slim and almost pretty
Witty, maybe, but still I’m under the power of the “committee”
My thoughts are undisputed, clear that I don’t want to proceed
My heart bleeds, I need to leave if I have a chance to succeed
Everybody’s smiling, they’re all dressed in their favorite suits
Boots pricey, I recite my favorite song, try to forget my roots
Embraces from close friends and enemies who make amends
Giving me money and things but my family’s love transcends

I glance at him standing proud, waiting sweetly for me to arrive
My energy I try to revive, so nervous, to him I anxiously strive
My skirt draping on the floor, I’m the first one through the door
But my minds doing overtime, I don’t want to be here anymore
I turn around suddenly, my heels slamming hard on the ground
Oblivious to where I’m heading but home ain’t where I’m bound
catch my auntie mumbling, I always knew that this girl was insane
I think to myself, that ain’t true for once I’m using my own brain
And my thoughts will see me through whatever life has planned
Make a stand, unquestionable I’m finally under my own command……….

Overall
nice verse as well...broken down into paragraphs...aight but perhaps puttin a chapter name to it would made it look better...rhyming again was nice bit more basic than 1st verse but it's a better drop from the last one i peeped from ya...elevated well...flow & structure equal to opponents nicely even and easy to read as Paranoids was...topic was kept on point...this was an aight battle...but i think that paranoid kept the rhyming more complex & topic was approached better IMO

V/Paranoid...this is an RTF vote...so no deadline

Voted For: Paranoid

Mizz Fyre: your drop was well structured, and it flowed nicely, what i feel i didnt like in yours is its center around the plot, you sacrificed vocabulary and imagery to make sure your story flowed, even though its a topcial, id like to see some complexity and detail within the lines aswell, nice drop i think uve got potential to b droppin sum drama queen type shit

Paranoid: your verse was well structured and it also flowed well, your vocab was obvious and shyed away from simply going with the simple and obvious which was cool, kept me interestd, nice imagery keep it up:thumbup:

-No hate....1
-AC