uppin this man cmon pplz vote stop sleepin

This was feedback posted for Pen N' Paper
 

this isn't a vote . . . yo, Pen N' Paper I just can't follow ur flow. . . try writing to music. . . (just some constructive critisim) . . . and Young Phrophecy. . .. i love the line "pen and paper? yeah, ill belive this bitch is stationary//", and ur flow is alot easy to follow. . . but i can't vote . . . this is just feedback

uppin this lets get sum more votes aight close this

i kno its late but im uppin still for more votes cmon pplz

Voted For: Young Phrophecy


Young Phrophecy

ayo, you spit raw garbage like an in sink disposal//
no homo, but you feminine like Nsync's scrotum//
your punchlines are lonesome, you need more pratice//
wack as shit, he had to explain his raps with asterisks//
^nice openening lines here, wordplay was aight, flow was there and punches worked

call you packages, cause you getting sent somewhere//
your worldplay just aint there like MJ's hair//
pen and paper? yeah, ill belive this bitch is stationary//
cause when you spit about killing you fruitier than adjacent berries//
^keep consistent with the wordplay, not really feelin first lines but last ones were good, personal touch there

your placments scary, cause who raps that bad?//
you fuccin fag, you a woodpeckers meal? im a magnet's dad//
like you,ill rap with that stupid shit, you getting backwoods molested//
be a whole stack of wood, you still termite infested//
^still forming punches with the nice wordplay but these lines seem more like fillers to me, dunno why exactly

be a bundle of lumber, he said im wack like them pills for slumber?//
that make no sense tanning oil for Danny Glover//
you aint harming me, even if i worked ata pharmacy//
its still better than your farming, B//
^aint feelin these last lines, first were good though

grow your spinach, your vocab is so minature//
you doing injustice with Rakim in your signature//
you pen and paper without the literature//
you talk about base you aint got the balls to be the pitcher//
^tryin the personal touches here but they didn't come out too good actually, could've been worded differently to hit harder

your ridiculously shitty with your srciptures and textuals//
said I was hard and had to sink into him? how homosexual!//
i would never stand next to you, probly try to to explore me//
yous a veteran but signed up 3 months before me?//
this niggas so corny, even wit his name//
be a looseleaf, ill fold you into papaer cranes//
^last line was good closer, bit less hardhitting punches towards the ending though

Your strongest aspect was the wordplay of course, had some creative things in there and formed em into a punch. Not too many personals though, flow was aight as well as your structure. Vocab could be upped a little maybe but overall this shit was good boy, keep it up!

Pen N' Paper

Better regret for facin me yung u just too weak to take this pressure, betta believe it
The prophecy is ur tendancy always occurs when ur goin through the menstrual period
^not really feelin the opening line

The blood is about to spill plus callin me a white man when I aint is about to get u killed
Cuz face it u lost ur first battle so what makes this different ur worst then sleepin pills
^uhm small punch here, nothing too hardhitting but okay

Yungen try to confront me that’s ur first mistake cuz ur just like a rapper that’s gone bad
Cuz u don’t rap or write ur just crap so u bite so go ahead and hide ur bitin pencil and pad
^coo bar, aight punch

Man u new here and try to get hard wit me man that’s something that needs to sink in
Cuz im like cocaine that leaves u brain dead so get it through ur head cuz u must be drinkin
^bit self-glorification but first line is nice

Talkin bout crackers man haha good one, but speaking truthfully how does working at eckerds-feel?*
Ur skills is a peice of shit held together by duct tape that peels while mine's as solid as a woodpecker's-meal**
^closer was your best bar, nice hardhitting punch plus good wordplay

*prolly works at Eckerd lol
**woodpecker's meal=wood...

Not best battle I've seen lately: vocab was better, flow was on and off, strucuture was cool but you didn't really managed to keep the consistency with hardhitting punches or personals like Young Phrophecy did so that's why he gets my vote. No hate though, you should've dropped like that last bar, that one was very nice.