uppin..................

Damn, that piece was ill. The flow was perfect. As soon as i read the first two lines talking about your grandma's tears, i was hooked and decided to read the rest. The rhyming was very well put with good places of vocabulary. The structure made it easy to read. Hopin to see more from you....10-10

Thanks for all the feedback fellas. Was hopin' for a nomination, but who doesnt? Appreciate it though, none the less.

Uppin' the Piece. Thanks for the feed.

Last time i'm uppin' this, just want to give it a chance to be seen again.

All Feed will get returned & if you need feed on something PM me & i'lltake some time to do it.

Peace.

New link to feed for bumping threads: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2607331

ok i'll take the time out of my day to do this :p.

This piece was very good.. very intriguing and complex. Your vocabulary was marvelous man. Very complex, maybe a bit to much for some but this was a good topic to have complexity with. Your imagery and emotion.. ahh the imagery. Very descriptive here man. Good mental picture running thourgh during this whole piece. Your emotion was heart felt.... Not as big on the emotion here as i was the imagery but I felt it. Your structure was on point and almost faultless..

Anything I left out.. sorry... good piece and keep writing homey..

most people can judge vocab because they don't understand it, so anything that appears in anyway intelligent, its immediately 'over-vocabbing'....but the way i judge vocab, is consistency, and diversity...i like to read pieces where people have an expanded vocab and really have a handle on it...i.e you, daz, atticus...like most people try and use expanded vocab, but end up just rhyming it at the end, and then everything else is simplistic......you are a good writer, knowledgable, and vocab is one of your strong points because you have to ability to describe your story with specific and appropriate wording....which is good, and also a good talent to have....

its one of my peeves on this site where people say "lay back on the vocab, dude", because how are you suppose to say that....that's like asking, "hey, next time you write, take off a few points of intelligence, so everyone else can understand", it doesn't make sense

thats why i want to be the second mod of this forum, because i'm active everyday, and if i was mod, i'd be mostly in here, giving pointers, leaving feedback on pretty much everything, but apparantly bonecollector is doing a heck of a job running this thing, :rolleyes:....

yeah, thats my random rant, i thought i'd just go on about something cause i'm bored, and this is a good piece, wasn't it a battle you had? dopenesss
keep up

Uppin the old b/c the new sucks.

ahh nice piece friend...
flow was pretty nice
lines were even length
structure was easy to understand
your emotion was pretty dam nice..
pleasant and kept my interest...

favorite part:
Upon there departure I see my dying grandfather abeyant in a chair
... Undoubtedly unaware of me gazing seemingly without care ...
I see it again, as I've seen before, that puzzle labeled on the table ...
... One look before I go out again to persue my nightly technique ...
^nice....feelin this...kinda clicked imo

`1

the was a very nice peace man..great vocabulary n flow..keep it up

good peice..topic was interesting and creative..
nice imagery throughout and vocab..
nice vocab usage..good rhymes and good flow..
overall this was good

this was a real good drop man hall of fame shit here mayne...really liking the emotion and voacb in here and depth of story telling real good keep it up mentalz.

RTF on the OM's in my sig please