Voted For: phive

..........

Kid Ca$h

ya style is childish....pull ya pants up/
cuzz them bullshit stanza's dont stand up to what im doin....man up/~1
- man up.....? No and bad opener
im speakin real shit everything you say is made up/
you need some make-up/~2
- What? Another no...
displayin female-trick characteristics/
might as well throw on some Lee nails fake hair and some lipstick/~3
- How is this clever....or even good advice
im the motha-fuckin king of this district/
mu fasa you not a factor son you like simba/~4
- Yet another NO....where are the punchlines?
who can stop this bastard/
my tounge is a instrument of thunder when im under tension no longer a youngin fin-ta be 21 in december/~5
- No....

Flow was very bad at times, your verse has no real structure and was not even dissing the opponenet, if anything yourself....missing the punchlines, you need to be creative and attack the opponent with something that makes sense and is witty...I get the idea your new, in which case you have a lot of time to improve - just read other people's work (good textcees) and see what they do good and how you can take that and put it into your own writing...

phive


IP:

On the microphone I let off like a time bomb,

ya lyrics are shit, and ya rhyme wrong//
- WHAT? NO.......bad opener, what were you thinkin?

ya gay ass bitch, comin at me with ya weak ass shit,

you probably suckin on the mic like a meat stick//
- Ok.......no

I leave you open mouthed like steven hawking,

You just a rookie with a g-unit shirt you be rocking//
- Stating, I presume 'made up facts'...where are the punchlines?

wit 15 posts and a 0-0 record you be little,

imma have ten servings of you like the golden griddle//
- What, you wanna eat him?

you wanna battle, i leave muthafuckas in crisis,

cant fuck wit me my rhymestyles priceless//
- Attack the opponenet instead of praising yourself....

A lot of what I said to Kid can be applied to you....you need to attack the opponenet, and go for real personals....you need to use punchlines, be funny with your lines....

Overall, this was not a strong battle - it has to differenciate the two of you, because you both had the same weaknesses basically...you both need to improve much

Difficult to vote either way, but I will vote for Phive because his rhyming was a bit better, as well as flow and his verse had a better structure....

Stay Up Both

Forgot to put my battle's link up...drop an honest vote

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=216087

Peace

uppin homies lets close this thread

This was feedback posted for Kid Ca$h
 

nice flow keep it up..............................

uppin fo some votes gangstas

This was feedback posted for Kid Ca$h
 

you both suck welcome to RV stay inactive

uppin to end this shit man please vote homies

Voted For: phive

ok ur both reallllllllllllllllly wack and should leave the site
u both came mad played
vocab was very basic
only thing that wasnt the same is ur structure which was alot better so i vote for you