I Took Your Quiz...

ATMOSPHERE FAN Yeah... you stay true to Atmosphere. You probably know the song by heart too, huh? Well? What do you want me to say? You know you're a fanboy. Nothing wrong with that... per se...


Dawg... I Have To SAy, You Are Hands Down The STRANGEST Person On Rb.Com And I Have A Couple Questions For yOu

1. WTF Is An Atra Ludio?
2. WTF Is a Sheibe?
3. FUCK AOL!

the only excuse for you bein so .. whatever the fuck you are is if you do some serious hallucinogenics. for the sake of those around you please stop shrooms, acid, lsd, pcp whatever the fuck please.

As for hallucinegenics... I have plenty of interest in them. I have yet to take anything more than marijuana however. Shrooms I have no interest in, they are not what I'm looking for. And I watched that episode of cops with that naked black guy on PCP... so no.

LSD however is different. It has strong history in me. There is this guy named Ken Kesey, and he during the sixtys was given LSD by the government to test it's effects on people. Well, he liked it. And he decided to give it to everyone he can.

And thus, there were hippys. That's the short of the story at least. Oregon is responsible for hippys.

And while all I have in common with hippys is my idealogical socialism structure of socioeconomics... I still have heavy interest in LSD. From my extensive studys I've found that it has generally the same effects in people. The whole bad trip thing occurs in a small percentage. And flashbacks generally are not a bad thing, but very similiar to what happens to me all the time when I focus on the high I get from marijuana and slowly seep into it without actually consuming it. (I... don't suppose that ever happens to anyone else?)

The fact is, the only real danger from LSD is a bad trip. Bad results such as death from an OD are next to impossible. And bad trips only occur during extrenous circumstances. There is no risk of a bad trip if I were to be in a calm enviroment such as my bedroom, and especially if I had someone to sit with me.

The other danger is that if your a schizophrenia, then your condition may worsen. (Schizophrenia is merely suffering from audio and visual hallucinations. Not that unlike the effects of LSD at all.)

What I find amazing is that with other drugs, the effects are often erratic on an individual basis. And whatever revelations they have are often for that one experience, and rarely stay with them.

This is what makes LSD so special. In all my studying of personal accounts, I've found that people often have a similiar apogee of the trip that lasts with them throughout their life.

They end up with a sense of oneness with the universe. Not that much unlike the Buddhist version of Nirvana. And while I'm not a Buddhist, pagan beliefs throughout the world all seem to have the same base. Buddhism merely focuses on the spiritual development to the divine.

My own pagan beliefs center mainly around, and this may sound Atmosphere Fan Boy of me, but it centers around Trying to Find a Balance. With the universe, with nature, with society, with those around me, and with me myself.

An euphoric appex of zen would be a beautiful thing to me. And the fact is, I'm an American. Hard work of meditation of spirtual excercises take way too long. And yes, I'm doing such things. But doing something the easy and fast way is just too good for my American mind to pass up.

The only things I really need to be worried about is finding someone I trust who sells it, finding someone I trust to sit with me, and finding the right time to do it.

Of course, there are other hallucinegenics I've studied. Morning Glory and Salivia for example, are perfectly legal. Hm...

WTF?

It's a perfect world. I hate men and... women hate me!

Actually, no. Life, much like various other things, sucks. Coming home from school and being told to do work. Yeah, that's actually fine. But then I get yelled at for asking how to go about the work I was told to do. That aint so right. But... I'm not a parent or gaurdian so I have no right to say jackscheiße.

-

I've been reading this book all week, I'm just one chapter away from being done. It's Bardic Voices: Book 1 ~ The Lark and the Wren by Mercedes Lacky. It's actually a good book. It's about music. It's about love. It's about finding ones place in life. It's about a lot of things.

It suprised me how much of a healthy veiw of sex the author had. Most women have fucked up views of sex. It's strange too. Because seventy percent of women would rather have a bar of chocolate than have sex.

I'm not a woman, but personally, I'd rather have a chocolate bar too.

Anyway, it's a good book. But I have yet to understand why they threw Kestrel into it. Maybe if I finish the book I'll know, but it just seems rather redundent and pointless since it throws the plot off completly. I suppose it can get all wrapped up and set and secure by the end of the chapter. But I'm doubting it. I'm feeling this is going to leave me hanging. (Of course the signs are all there on how it ends. The bards are looking for sires to house with for winter, this boy's uncle is a king... hmmm... doesn't take a genius.)

Und... das ist alles.

^Tell me the outcome

BoTtLe Of Mo: i be sellin crack ya mom looks like kane from wwe
AtraNecromancer: BiTtLe Of Mo, what are you talking about?
AtraNecromancer: Kane of the WWE is sexy.
BoTtLe Of Mo: damn u got problems

^Lmmfao.....Atra i'm astounded....
so many views yet so little time

oh and shroom's are a trip and a half (you gotta get the right ones)
to be more specific...
Mexican's - A mild trip, 20 gram's boshed in tea will suffice
Hawaian's - aloha...these are nice again 20g's boshed will serve for
a good trip, strongish kinda trip.
Indian's - Blazow.......strong trip...bosh 25g's for ultimate Discombobulation
Philosophers Stone - Not a mushroom, but a fungus...called a truffle
This is the fucken doozey...bash a couple however you wish..and expand beyond
all horizons of this horrible place

*Note...Shrooms enhance your state of mind..therefore if your depressed..
i highly deter you from having them...most likely you will bad trip
only drop them if your in a happy..well to do mood

And well...LSD...words cannot describe the sweet formulae (i'm sure they can, but i'm too lazy to write about them)

Dude this man Is GOD damn he makes So much SENCE it scares me and i can almost understand all of it wow! but yo necro git at me sum time on aim haha

hmm LSD.

im very well expierienced in acid.

from the cardbaord looking paper tabs.. too the jell tabs.. to the pure acid drops.

i used to love trippin.

doctors say if you take more than 8 trips.. you are clinically insane.

i've taken over 50 trips on seperate occasions.. and i got my 730 sticker in about the 29th trip to be exact.(in others words.. i gotten pretty lunaticish.)

the hallucinegenics. like everyone i thought it was the hollywood version.. you know.. fairies appearing from thin air... lil elves running around handing me candy.. flying elephants... weird shit you don't see everyday.

but from my expireinces and analzing my people buggin the fuck out around me.. i learned,,, that theres is no talking jimminy crickets.. or laughing cats..or dancing dogs... but just fear and extreme paranioa. when you hallucinate it always your worst fear that surfaces.. and the trip enhances it 100 times.

i had peoples of mines... chased by huge mouthed jolly ranchers.

i had one of my boys... think he was a goverment experiment... and everything was a conspiracy.. so he always sheltered himself from the world.. kind of like that mel gibson movie. (which he did go see it in the movie theater while trippin, idiot.)


on many occasions.. people seen pink flying elephants.

but if you're with cool peoples.. and your feeling good... the trip can take your mind to another realm.


i had thousands of stories.. but so lil time

start talking G.

Ebonessence

It was love at first sight Hiroshimo thought. He looked at her as she walked in. Her movements were smooth and unfettered. No uneccassary movements, not even so much as glancing at anything that was not in her peripheal vision. She had a strong force inside of her moving her body the way it needed.
It was not just how she moved, like she was so powerful and willfull, but her appearance had a force of power and will about it. Her skin was a dark shade of brown. Her eyes were even darker. She had a furl in her brow and a smirk on her lips. She had shaded her eyes a dark black, and her lips the same. Her lips were large and full, her nose was broad and flat, her jaw however seemed not to fit her face. It was straight, solid, and rigid. And her hair was an all natural, immesuarably large, round, and perfect afro. Hiroshimo was in love.
Her clothing didn't hurt her appearance at all. Her black heeled boots campe up to her knees and zipped up at the side. The skimpy mini skirt exposed her dark brown and round thighs.The thighs themselves were wrapped in fishnet stockings. She had a yellow bright belt with a large golden buckle. Her black leather tube top barely contained her chest in, and Hiroshimo could barely contain his eyes within his skull. There was even a heart shaped tattoo on the exposed bulge of her left breast. And when he saw the chained golden necklace on her neck with the medallion on it that had the word "Ebonessence" imprinted upon it, he knew then and there that his love for her was certain. She was, in essence a convolescence of a dark and ebony goddess.
The dark shadow woman sat next to him. It was on purpose, as if she could sense his desires. And they were strong within him. Because he had seen her before. In his dreams. He has been with her a thousand nights, each more wonderful than the last. But this is the first time he has ever seen her in real life.
"Could I buy you a drink?" He said, not knowing what else to say.
She looked at him. Her eyes were so peircing, so focused cat shaped diamonds. He could never imagine that such mud encrusted brown eyes could cut him down like this. So he lowered his gaze, not wanting to die from her stare. He found himself unwittingly staring at her breasts. It's natural for him to do so, completely unwilling instincts even. But it's also rude of him, so he opted instead to set his eyes on her black and beautiful lips instead. Her lipstick had extended out and seemed to make it as if she had a crooked smile.
When she spoke it was as if she was being dubbed over. More or less that her lips were not only out of synchronization with what she said, but also that femininely near deep sultry voice that demanded attention of hers simply didn't seem like her voice at all. A dubbed voice over.
"You may indeed buy me a drink." She said, "But tell me why one such as yourself deserves to speak to one such as me?"
"I... don't know." What else could he have said? He had to ask himself that same question. Why does he deserve to talk to her?
He was a neko of no distinguishing qualities. His fur was a pale gray, his nose was an emasculine pink. His ears were small and covered up with his black bean top. He wore a black hooded sweatshirt with no markings on it. He also wore baggie blue jeans and went barefooted.
"I guess..." he continued "I don't even dare to deserve even the faintest glance of your lips. I could only wish that I may be so lucky to have you speaking in return.
"First off, I don't want a drink." She dismissed the bartender. "Second off, do you always see yourself as a worthless peice of shit?"
It was as if she could see into his soul. He hesitated to answer, but he eventually lowered his head and answered, "Yes, ma'am."
She grinned and placed a hand on his knee. He felt his leg tingling at her touch. "Good. Very good. But please, call me Ebonessence. And what is your name?"
"Hiroshimo... Belial Hiroshimo."

Before Hiroshimo had an inkling of Ebon's true intentions he was already being whisked out of the bar. But not out the door to his suprise, but up to the stairs to the apartments. To his suprise because he lives here, and he's never seen Ebonessence before. Yet here they go into an apartment that must be hers.
Ebon led him to the couch. "Sit here, I'll be right back." She said to him.
And so he waited. She exited into the bedroom. When she finally came out her clothing had changed. Nothing dramatic, just her fishnet stockings on her legs and her boots were missing. She threw on his lap a mass of leather. "Put it on." Was all she said as she pointed to the bedroom.
So Hiroshimo went to the bedroom. He went to turn on the light but saw that the room was illuminated with myriad candles, so he didn't bother. Instead he examined the clothes he was handed. It was a one peice leather furtight outfit. There were several holes in it. Holes in the shoulders, the knees, a hole that exposed his chest and of course one for his tail. And even for... his crotch. He can only imagine what kind of woman Ebonessence is.
After putting the leather on he went to exit the room, but the buxom brown skin shadow lady stood in the door way. She placed her hand on Hiroshimo's furry chest and pushed him into the room. She pushed him down on to the bed. She had one hand in his hair and the other rubbing the nearest thigh as she sat down next to him. He was clearly aroused, and thankful such tight clothing had breathing space. Even if it didn't comply well with his fur.
"So..." She began to ask him. "Have you ever been with a human lady before?"
Hiroshimo began nuzzling her neck and purring. "All my steady relationships have been with humans."
"And with nekos?"
"Just one night stands." He put his arms around her. "Nothing else. I just don't like neko-femmes like I do human ladys."
She pushed him on his back and layed back with him. Then she began to play with his chest fur.
"What about you?" He returned the query. "How do you feel about nekos and humans?"
She rolled herself on him. She's heavier than anyone else he's been with, but he placed his hands on her wide hips and he knew; he absolutely knew she was perferct for him. She smiled at him. "I've never so much as kissed another human. There is just something about you nekos."
In all his past relationships he had always been hurt. Not emotionally, but physicly. He'd do anything to please his partner, even if his partner liked to cut him and drink his blood. So when Ebonessence and her heavy body and her even heavier breasts, one would think it would hurt him. But it doesn't. It was discomforting at most, but it didn't hurt. In fact, he loved her. Her warmth, her touch, her softness. And he especially loved the way she nimbly moved and whirrled her tongue in his mouth with such agile dexterity.

When the tow of them kissed, they were downright in another realm. Everything that fucked them over was no longer in effect. The stigma of inter-racial, inter-species relationships. All the abuseive relationships ebon had of men hurting her. Forcing her to do things she didn't want to do. Humiliating her because of her weight. Even finding ways to degrade her for no other reason than being a neko lover. And she would do anything for her lover because she loved that man. That man, whichever one she was with, the one that didn't love her. And yet these men were nothing but common street thugs and gangsters, and their humiliation they put her through was damn near prostitution. The difference was she never got payed for all the things she was forced to do with so many other men.
And there was the abuse Hiroshimo suffered. Women with ideas of sex acts of humiliation just as bad. Having him do things no one should be forced to do. Having to do things beyond his threshold for pain. Untill he would pass out and even his unconcious body would be taken advantage of. At least, though he had no privacy of his body, these acts were performed behind closed doors. They may not have violated her body and hurt her as much as they did with Hiroshimo, but Ebon had her humiliation done in public. No one could ever judge who had it worse.
But one can say, however, that they had it bad. And that it doesn't matter any more. None of it. Not when they kissed. They were transported to a realm of ecstatic bliss.
Though Ebon's bed was huge and could take them in any position, the two without speaking straightened up and put their heads at the head of the bed. She turned to him and faced him as they layed down. Hiroshimo had the most beautiful green eyes. So much of him was cat-like. He wasn't like the neko-jin variety, who were more like humans with only the tail, fur, and nose of cats. They had the ears, sort of. Neko-jin's ears are on the side of the head rather than on top. But Hiroshimo had his ears on the side. But he had the muzzle of a cat too. Ebon figures him to be a crossbreed between a neko and a neko-jin. His tongue was human, like both breeds. It's not sandpaper, like a house cat's tongue. But it was comparitivly just as long. He licked his nose with it instinctivly. Damn it is long, Ebon could only imagine what he'd do with it.
At one hundred and ninety pounds, he weighed fourty pounds less than her. Either one could have taken each other's weight when being on top of each other. But she was too self concious of her weight to go on top a second time. Not yet at least. She wasn't thinking last time, and she could have sworn he gasped for air. But Hiroshimo didn't miss a beat as he glided upon her, straddling her hips.
His tongue gently carressed her lips, tracing them several times before he took her bottom lip into his mouth. She gave out an almost silent humm. Loud enough to let him now she liked it. One hand trailed down and gripped her thigh. She pulled it up and rubbed the inside of it against him.
"I don't know..." He said. "I think I love you."
Her eyes grew wide in suprise, not expecting such words. But she wasn't upset. Instead, beneath those huge breasts of hers, she felt something. Her heart. So she said in reply, "I love you too, Belial Hiroshimo."
And then he began to kiss her neck. He began to bring his lips ever so much lower. He began to remove her top, releasing those breasts of hers that were of unimaginable size. And then... she stopped him. With a smile, but she still stopped him.
"No," She said to him. "Let us do this my way."
He nodded in response. He spoke with a tinge of unquestionable servitude in his voice. "Yes, Ebonessence."
But he had no idea what she was going to do. She rolled over and put him underneath her. Concious of her weight she didn't put any on him. Instead she hovered above him on her hands and knees. He kissed his chest, the fur tickled her lips and she loved it. She moved down, slowly. Each movement of her fingers making their rounds upon Hiroshimo's sides sent shivers through him. Good shivers, the kind of shivers that excite a man. And the way she was on top of him, and...

Uhhhh wow that was a long read but i read it very intersting the way it seems like a fuckin bondagde porn story but an interesting thang

School is out for winter. I don't care. I'm going to spending it the same way I always spend my time off school.

Manual labor cleaning the house. (I swear I'm in hell. It's like pushing a boulder up a hill only to have it fall further down. The job never gets done.)

Sleeping. (I've slept for over twenty four hours. Boy did I have to piss!)

Eating. (Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins, and I unfortunetly suffer from it. Don't worry though, Lust and Sloth are still above it. Wrath sure has gone down a bit. I think I've settled down a lot.)

On the computer. (This is an evil device that I love like a mother loving lover of computers.)

I'll probably be become nocturnal again. AKA, sleeping in until the break of dusk.

~

I cut myself. Earlier this week. With a small razor. Not sure why actually. When I started cutting I had this rush in my heart. It's a rare rush. I only get it when I'm about to do something stupid and painful, or when I'm playing a video game and I've reached that point where I know I've got to win and there aint no turning back. It's a rare feeling because rarely do I play a video game that I haven't gotten memorized and burned into my brain, and rarely any more do I do stupid painful things.

I used to. I used to ride my skateboard down a steep hill and make a sharp turn. I end up knowingly falling off and hurting myself. Or maybe I'd be up on a roof or something and jump off and hurt myself. That was the good ol' days. Back when I had friends and something that resembled a social life.

Thing is, that's what it was about. I can bitch and moan like a mother fucker about how I was using physical pain to alleviate emotional and mental pain. And indeed, that is true. But there was a deeper purpose to it. I knew that people liked seeing other people hurt, and I am an entertainer.

Back to cutting... I've cut myself before. Earlier in the week I was holding a set of keys too tightly and I cut myself. Sometimes all I have to do is walk around the house and I end up bleeding. But this was pretty much the first time I cut myself intentionally like this. (Removing blisters, zits, and birth marks don't count.)

I got that rush at first... I know from other times I cut myself, as soon as the blade reaches a certain point it stings like a mother fucker and I jump around like I'm on hot coals. That didn't happen this time. Maybe because the razor I used was clean. I dunno. But it didn't even hurt.

It didn't fucking hurt.

In fact, I sliced another small incision just be sure. And I was like "This doesn't hurt at all."

It didn't hurt so much that I even carved the word "Love" into my arm. I plan on carving "Life" into my other arm.

But the fact is it didn't hurt. And in a way... that hurts. I only did it because I wanted to understand. Overstand even. Oversit?

I know why other people self-abuse themselves. I recently was inspiried to study these acts in great detail. Studied it to the point that I feeel I could counsel a cutter should the need arise. But... I couldn't -truly- overstand. Not until I did it myself.

So I did it. And I still don't overstand it.

I think it's because I don't have the feelings I used to have. Back in my wreckless entertainment days, I had lots of problems. Lots of issues. But I've worked them out by not giving a fuck. This strategy seemed to work in the short term because I just stopped giving a fuck.

This guy stole my CD player. He was a 'friend', sort of. And he asked to use my CD player for one period. But then when that period was over he seemed to think I gave it to him. Well I didn't front. I didn't care. Yeah, I was angry. For a bit. But I got over it. I stopped giving a fuck.

The long term effects of this strategy I can't say have been too pleasent. Because the monotony of every day life and the lack of giving a fuck leads to a tedious time of not feeling anything. As a friend of mine would say, "How do I feel? I -don't- feel."

That's why I guess it didn't hurt when I cut myself. Because I sure remember how much it hurt years ago when I so much as accidently cut myself with my own fingernails.

I guess the moral of the story is give a fuck. Give a fuck about SOMETHING. Something important. Maybe even something NOT important. I'm trying to give a fuck about important things like friends. Some new, some I haven't talked to in several months. I need to give a fuck about them if I hope to feel anything. And unimportant things too. Damn if I am to ever miss an episode of the new Ninja Turtles cartoon series. I grew up on that shit, and I plan on living on that shit. Because even the unimportant things are worth a good fuck give.

If you ever want to feel, you had better give a fuck. Even if all I'm feeling right now is depressed.