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Axiom 08-25-03 02:58 PM

A husband is at home watchin' a football game when his wife interrupts, honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickerin' for weeks now. He looks at her and says angerily, fix the lights now?! Does it look like i have GE written on my forehead? I didn't think so.

Fine, then the wife asks, well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right. To which he replied, fix the fridge door? Does it look like i have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so.

Fine, she says then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break. I'm not a damn carpenter and i don't want to fix the steps. He says, does it look like i have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home.

As he walks into the house, he notices that the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he noticesthe fridge door is fixed. Honey, he asks, how'd all this get fixed? She said, Well when you left, i sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong and i told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all i had to do was either go to bed with him or bake him a cake.

The husband said, so what kind of cake did you bake? She replied, HELLOOOOOOO... do you see betty crocker written on my forehead? I didn't think so!

Axiom 08-28-03 03:54 PM

El Vaquero (The Mexican Cowboy) and his Chihuahua, Chilito, are camping in the desert. He sets up their tent and both are soon asleep. Some hours later, El Vaquero wakes his faithful friend. "Chilito, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Chilito replies, "I see millions of stars, senor." What does that tell you?" asks El Vaquero.

Chilito ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, senor?" El Vaquero is silent for a moment, and then says, "Chilito, you pendejo. Someone has stolen our tent!"

billy 09-01-03 09:42 PM

loreana bobbit's sister was arrested for a similar crime.....

she went to cut her husmands penis off but instead sliced his thigh......

she went downtown to be booked and the judged charged her with Missed da weiner..........hahaha

get it.....

N.I.M.B.Y. 09-01-03 10:08 PM

knock knock
whos there
doctor
doctor who
............


tee-hee

The End 09-01-03 11:10 PM

^ Banned.

Mad Man 09-01-03 11:21 PM

Ha Ha, that was funny The End......Oh wait.....That wasn't a joke.......










































THAT MAKES IT FUNNIER ROFLMMFAO

~HoTTie~ 09-01-03 11:23 PM

Iight this one day these kids were in class and one boy walked in late da teacher said "Where have you been" he said "On top of blue berry hill" so she said "ok take your seat and open your book."

About 5 minutes later another boy walked in late and the teacher asked "Where have you been?" he replied "On top of blue berry hill" she take "ok take your seat"

Immediately after him a girl walked in. The teacher said "where were you? on top of blue berry too?" the girl replied "I am Blueberry Hill"

hahaha get it..my sis told me that joke yesterday ..faf

K.O._Guy 09-02-03 04:13 PM

aight....

a blonde and brunett inherit their parents farm but after 3 months they're in debt so they decide to get a bull so they can breed and hopefully make sum muney. the brunett told the blonde i'll send u a telegraph when i need u to come pick me and the bull up so the brunett goes to another farmers ranch with all their muney which is $600. the bull costs $599, she then goes to the telegraph station but itz $1 per word and she only has 1 dolla, so she finally decides she will send her sister the word "comfotable" the clerk says "how will she know to come pick up the bull wit da word comfortable. the brunett says "my sister will read it slow..........comfortable......come-for-the-bull

K.O._Guy 09-02-03 04:16 PM

a blonde dyes her hair bcuz she is tired of relentlessly being called stupid, the now beautiful brunett decides to show off her new hair and goes for a drive, she stopz at a farmers ranch and says "if i can guess how many sheep there are in ur flock can i keep one?" knowing that this would almost be impossible the farmer agrees. the blonde says "387!" which is correct so the astounded farmer lets her have one of his sheep. the EX-BLONDE picks out the most energetic one and takes it back to her car........then the farmer says "if i can guess ur natural hair color can i have my dog back?"

MR. LEGEND 09-02-03 04:36 PM

Superman was flying around the city one day cause he was bored.

He had an Idea; I'll go to the bat cave and see Batman. When He arrived he asked Batman "You wanna go out and fight some crime?". "Nah, I gotta clean the batcave", Batman replied. So Superman took off.

He got another Idea;"I'll go to the Aqua-lab and see Aquaman". When he arrived, he said "What's up Aquaman, you want to go out and fight some crime with me?". "Ahhh, I can't, I gotta train these new Dolphins.", aquaman replied. "Okay" Superman replied, and he took off.

So now extremely board, Superman was flying over the city again, gets another Idea;"I'm gonna fly over a nude beach". So off he goes, over the nude beach.

While he was enjoying the sights he noticed something, adjusting his Super vision, he saw Wonder Woman, sunbathing with her legs wide open. Great Ideas was no stranger to this man so he thought;"since I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I'm gonna go down and tap that ass, and fly back up...shenever know!!!!

All of a sudden there was a great ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATTATATBOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!

Wonder woman in total shock exclaimed "What the fuck was THAT?!?!?"

Invisible man said, "I don't know...but my ASS HURTS"

OutWrite 09-03-03 12:25 AM

1 Attachment(s)
why did sureal cross the road?

cause his dick was stuck in the chicken!

WHAT!?

btw... my sig is a fuckin joke aint it? lol

118 118 09-04-03 11:32 AM

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

/:Ayura:\ 09-04-03 09:31 PM

ok, the joke master here:

50 blonde jokes


1: Why did God create blondes?
Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.


2: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
"Have another beer."


3: What's a blonde's favorite wine?
"Daddy! I want to go to Miami!

4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it?
Nobody. The first four don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

5: A Policeman pulls over a blonde in a sports car for speeding. He tries to explain to her what and where her driver's license is.
Finally, after she gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration. Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper with you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment." Excited "Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is tearing throught the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his 'member'
out. Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no!!! Not another breathalizer test!"

6: Why did they call the blonde twinkie?
She likes to be filled with cream.

7: How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.

8: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.

9: There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The DJ was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

10: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
They can't remember the number.

11: Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

12: Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book
called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume 7 of an encyclopedia.


13: A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender: "What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and Tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

14: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!

15: What is a bellybutton for?
It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.

16: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

17: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop.

18: A blonde and a brunette jump off the Empire State Building. It takes the blonde 3 minutes longer to hit the ground than it does or the brunette. Why?
She had to stop to ask for directions

19: A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun -- they just don't remember who with.

20: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
B.J.

21: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
Sweet Fuck All.

22: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

23: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.

24: Why can't blondes count to 70?
Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

25: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.

26: Why do blondes have square breasts?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!!!

27: Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better.

28: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.

29: What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag?
"Debbie...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

30: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.

31: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

32: How does a blonde turn the light on after sex?
She opens the door.

33: Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic Genie's lamp The Genie came out and said: "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were smarter." So she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette.
The third blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man.

34: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
Tell you later!

35: What do blondes say after sex?
"Thanks, guys!"

36: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
More leg room!

37: How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

38: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
She fell out of the tree.

39: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
She didn't know what ONE came first..

40: How can you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a round room and tell her to site in the corner.

41: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
You lick'em, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

42: Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. We're just going to sell drinks!!!

43: How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone

44: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant!

45: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.

46: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

47: A blonde was telling a priest a Polish joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "Do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

48: What did the blondes left leg say to her right?
Nothing, they've never met!

49: What is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
Pubic hair.

50: A dumb blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met St. Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but St. Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said St. Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" asked St. Peter.
Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

DªÖ 09-05-03 01:33 AM

^^why did u waste the time to get 1 point accross

-blondes are stupid-

dont deny that you think this or u wouldnt have searched over google or some other engine to look for 50 stupid fucking blonde jokes-

Johnny 6-feet 09-05-03 01:58 AM

yean man, but the statement "blondes are stupid" aint that funny and this is JOKE thread. some of those jokes were hilarious.

ummm......what has 2 legs and bleeds?




























half a cat. :)

self 09-05-03 02:03 PM

kgm you've got this thread man.
I'm going to make something up, like funniest member or something like that, or something along those lines. Along with other "winners" of certain categories, just for the sake of it. Damn kid, that one about the Men And Women Showering, that had me cracking up, I'm sitting in school reading that and laughing my ass off...Fucker, you almost got me caught. LoL, Keep 'em up man.

kgm 09-05-03 02:07 PM

Thanks Bruk, I'm glad you like.

kgm 09-05-03 02:12 PM

Physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in West Virginia, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the
Hokey Pokey..."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there

kgm 09-05-03 02:15 PM

A deserter GI was running down a road escaping from two MPs. He came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. He asked her, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain why later."
The nun agreed to his request. Shortly thereafter, the two MPs came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road.
She replied, "He went that way".
After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq."
The nun said she understood. The GI said, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I've ever seen!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen the most beautiful pair of balls you've ever seen! I don't want to go to Iraq either!"

self 09-05-03 02:59 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by kgm
Physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:


3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
LMFAO! ...LoL @ Ass Off also

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
HAHAHA, Oh Shit, Literally!

5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
Oh Fuck! HaHaHaHa! Oh Shit, I'm gonna split my sphincter.

6. "You know, in West Virginia, we're now legally married."
HaHaHaHaHa!

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey..."
Oh Fuck! That Is CLASSIC!

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
Oh Shit! Thats Gold! HaHaHaHa

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
Oh So True! HaHaHa

13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there
Oh Yes!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKING AYE!

Axiom 09-05-03 09:47 PM

SCRABBLE ?

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

EVANGELIST: When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

And our the grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters (With no letters left over and using eachletter only once):

TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

Axiom 09-05-03 09:58 PM

TOP 10 WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE HIS ZIPPER IS UNZIPPED

10. The cucumber has left the salad.

9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

7. Paging Mr. Johnson...Paging Mr. Johnson.

6. Elvis has left the building.

5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. Men may be From Mars but I can see something that rhymes with Venus

And the #1 Way to tell someone their zipper is unzipped .....

1. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."

LOL... fuck kgm... this is my thread.

Rappad 09-06-03 12:41 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Ambiguous
SCRABBLE ?

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

EVANGELIST: When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

And our the grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters (With no letters left over and using eachletter only once):

TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS


^^best joke ive read so far in this thread. Lol that was funny as hell.

Parallex 09-07-03 09:51 PM

yo for real, I'm still chucklin at the shit
desperation/a rope ends it... funny shit dawg
ANyone hit this battle with a fair vote for me plz
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=78369
People come too serious and it's nice to have a laugh once in a while... keep em coming
Peace
one love

Carmen 09-07-03 10:54 PM

LOL. That is some funny shit. To copulate he finds interns. Aaahhh, you got me cracking up.

cameronj86 09-09-03 02:15 AM

Okay so I guy walks into the bar and sees a hot blonde. He says lets get drunk so we can loosen up a lil bit.
She says "Sorry but last time I drunk alcohol I got drunk and blew chunks at home.

The guy, trying to get her drunk says "It's okay, I'll hold your hair back when you start to puke..." to which the blonde replies

What the fuck are you talking about? Chunks is my dog.

self 09-09-03 12:46 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Ambiguous
TOP 10 WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE HIS ZIPPER IS UNZIPPED

3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. Men may be From Mars but I can see something that rhymes with Venus

And the #1 Way to tell someone their zipper is unzipped .....

1. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."

LOL... fuck kgm... this is my thread.



HaHaHaHaHaHa, pretty good. kgm still owns.

Lokinator 09-09-03 01:08 PM

How Many People Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb...?!?




1

(Freepost Gone Wrong :()

self 09-09-03 01:33 PM

^HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Golden!

kgm 09-15-03 08:08 PM

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the
window, "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must
have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damnit. I said I want to open a damn checking account
now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated
in this bank."

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to
inform him of her situation. They both return and the manager
asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says, "I just won 50 million
bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking
account in this damn bank, okay?"

"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a hard
time?"

kgm 09-15-03 08:09 PM

Two rednecks were driving down a country road in
a pickup truck. The driver tells his buddy that
there's a new gas station on down the road that
offered a CHANCE at free sex with every fill-up,
and that he was going to stop and fill it up.

So, they stop and fill it up. The owner comes out,
collects the money and tells the guy he has a chance
to win some free sex. All he has to do is guess the
correct number between 1 and 10.

After thinking a minute, he guesses 6.

The owner says "Man you almost won, the number was
7. Y'all come back!"

They drive off, and after a few minutes of silence,
the driver's buddy says "You know, I've been thinking
about that free-sex deal, and it's rigged. No way
you're gonna win. No matter what number you guess,
the guy's gonna say you're wrong."

The driver says "Naw, it ain't rigged. I know you can
win."

His buddy asks "And just how do you know that?" The
driver replies "My wife stopped in there twice last
week, and she won both times."

kgm 09-15-03 08:13 PM

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is: don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah," said the teacher.
"Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was in the Marines during the war in Iraq, and her plane was hit over enemy territory. She had to bail out and all she had was a parachute, a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

Rappad 09-15-03 10:22 PM

Saddam's Relatives
Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known Hussein family members are coming to the attention of American authorities.

Among the brothers:

Sooflay .................the restaurateur
Guday....................the half-Australian brother
Huray.....................the sports fanatic
Sashay...................the gay brother
Kuntay & Kintay.....the twins from the African mother
Sayhay...................the baseball player
Ojay.......................the stalker/murderer
Gulay.....................the singer/entertainer
Ebay.......................the internet czar
Biliray.....................the country music star
Ecksray..................the radiologist
Puray......................the blender factory owner
Regay.....................the half-Jamaican brother
Tupay.....................the one with bad hair

Among the sisters:

Lattay......................the coffee shop owner
Bufay.......................the 300 pound sister
Dushay....................the clean sister
Phayray...................the zoo worker in the gorilla house
Sapheway...............the grocery store owner
Ollay........................the half-Mexican sister
Gudlay.....................the prostitute

And Finally:

There is Oyvay..... but the family doesn't like to talk about him much.

kgm 09-23-03 04:52 PM

Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Karen says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies: "Mom! I have someone for you to meet.

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.

Their first night there, she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, he in his birthday suit.

Looking at her he asks: "Why the black panties?" She replies: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night is the same scenario. She's standing there with the black panties on, and he is in his birthday suit ... except that he is wearing a black condom.

She looks at him and asks: "What's with this ... a black condom?"

He replies: "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

Tundah 09-23-03 08:51 PM

funny joke- this guy named sheek on here. hes a dumb ass

prophiit 09-24-03 12:52 AM

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

kgm 09-24-03 12:23 PM

My bad, never mind.

WeRd-smith 09-24-03 10:46 PM

A well known heart surgeon died and all of his colleagues came to attend the funeral. As a tribute to the reknown doctor his widow had an enormous bouqet of flowers constructed into the exact replica of a heart. She then had it placed next to his open grave. As the ceremony starts one of the mourners sees the display and suddenly begins chuckling which then leads to large bellowing laughs. Shocked and astonished the widow asked him what was the matter with him. Shaking his head and wiping away tears he replied "I was just picturing my own funeral, you see I am a gynecologist"

CafeCubano 09-25-03 08:16 AM

you people are STUPID!!! how the hell is any of this funny????

prophiit 09-26-03 01:10 AM

PEACE TALKS........

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

Dubya says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"


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