ye the brewers line sounded a bit forced but i get the punch not n its not that bad

how about this instead? lol

Legendary? But dude ya wack, n' I dunno what I'm a missin'
I'm a threat to popeyes... bitch your just a threat to eat chicken

lol ye made me laugh... nice concept aswell

Phat, I'll put it in........

kool..... when uve got some time dya fink u could drop a vote in my battle wit pictureperfect2 in kll... both dropped a day ago n no one voted yet... ill appriciate it if u do thnx

that verse was hot!........
we def should battle someday
it'll be dope

I've never read any of the KLL battles and don't vote there cause I'm not in the league and surely anyone I voted against would complain. Here's some feedback though. Keep in mind I'm a tough grader cause I don't believe in telling someone a bar is dope unless it's truely dope.

almost a day for that? to be honest i was expecting more,
punches original? naa becuz we've heard em all before,
This is okay, but it's kinda basic, no wit to it
yet on your music............. you keep failing to be heard,
u got writers block the way u recycled off fuxjustaword,
Good concept, but coulda been executed better. I woulda been more like this "Kid recycles so much from fuxjustaword, he's helpin wit the environment" Ya know, add wit to it, don't just state it
i aint used to dealin wit throwbacks, already been torn,
it's like an x rated shop the way im leaving him pawned,
This is what i call a threat punch. Kinda creative I guess, but I don't think it's harsh
diss my accent, hail the queen, but you can't spoil me,
but ill jack this so called king and murk him wit royalty,
Same thing as above... cool concept, but just a statement/threat... no punch to it. A punch woulda been more like "N' when he jacks a king is the ONLY time he's royalty"
you hot? faggot u cant get ya voice heard on the speakers,
in fact you so cold, people fail to see you with heat seakers,
heat/cold stuff is kinda played

There ya go man

i guess i dont have any chances at making the playoffs now....dammit......

Yeah I'd be down sometime hot on a week where I gotta lotta time and not much to write for.

thanks man i appriciate it.... ill work on them next week

I think the main thing you gotta work on is wit.. you got the idea of how to throw punches and have them land, but most of yours were too basic so you gotta work on developing your concepts differently to have that more wit to them. I remember the same thing with your 1-2 punch, just too basic. Just keep working on that, it takes time.

Btw, anymore detailed feedback about what else to change in my verse would be appreciated anyone? I feel like maybe the closer could be better.. it's referring to how he lost in the tournament last week, but was still given a match this week when it's a single elimination tourney. Here's it updated:

Better empty ya pockets for concepts or I'll slash ya eye sockets
But if ya have a brain dump, world pollution will skyrocket
Winning? You can't cop it, this joke will say what the worst is
What has no beginning, middle, or end? A doughnut and quote's verses
Kid's fillin' with curses, this sick fuck's not one to scare
Fag only let the cat outta the bag to kidnap a little girl in there
You n' wackness compare, seems tokens in arcades need order
N' if your the alien attack champ...
...............why are so many mexicans crossin' the border
You talk big, but ya rude, n' no you ain't a pimp dude
Your a Don Juan with the ladies, cuz they Don Juan to be seen with you!
Ya fucking wack too, ya dropped ass n' you'll regret it
Bitch, I could make a monkey out of you, but I don't wanna take the credit
So ho, go off n' roam, or I'll be clippin' ya dome
But dawg if ya cry wolf, remember ya girl will run home
N' that's how it goes, you say peaceful? I think ya bluffin
In fact i know ya like war, cuz ya good for ABSOLUTELY nothing
Legendary? But dude ya wack, n' I dunno what I'm a missin'
I'm a threat to pop eyes... bitch your just a threat to eat chicken
Damn you suck n' ya sickened, Born and Kap made it clear
And I quote ... SO YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE HERE!

ye... i tend to write it real quick and just drop it, without improving it, i just dont have alot of time, so ill see next week

geeze i better be getting a LW,MW, or HW title match soon, im on like a 10 battle win streak

Well your tied for 10th before your match this week.. top 6 get title matches so you have to rise a little more