Amend Thinkin' He Has Skills... LMMFAO

Uhhh? O...........K? Riiiiight ;)

After a long night of making love, this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the nightstand by the bed.

Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the surgery."

A Mom is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date. Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite." "OK," the little girl says, "how much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce? "That is enough questions, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," said the friend, all you need to do is look at her drivers' license. It is like a report card for grown-ups, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?" "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?" "And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce. "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?" "Because you got an F in sex."

What's Wrong with a Cadi crashin wit 5 Negro's in it??

It holds 6.

wtf wit tha jesus jokes

lol nice jokes

Are you offended or something?

then wat happend? lol

jus a little bit but dont matter their funny

ok a preist and a taxi driver die at the same time and go to heaven.
So then they find out that only one of them can get to heaven.
So saint peter goes to a computer and looks up their lives and says to the taxi driver "you may enter heaven my son"
the guy goes in, and the priest says to saint peter"what was that about? he's a taxi driver and i'm a priest, and he gets into heaven and I don't???"
and saint peter says"no you dont understand its all about statistics. When you preach, the people sleep. When he drives, they pray."

what's the difference between a nigga and a octopus?


i dunno, but it sure can pick cotton.

A little boy walks into his parents room to see his Mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The Mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen, she dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his Mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing? " The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time." say's the boy. "Why is that? asked his Mom, puzzled? "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up"

U-G-L-Y, you aint got no allaby you ugly yeah yeah you ugly. M-A-M-A how you think you got that way? ya mama yeah yeah ya mama.
-DuB

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.

She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune. "Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!" "BLOW JOBS!" the woman replied. "It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month" he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true no more blow jobs for her!

She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, she was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. However, the woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less-than-riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're gone!"