A husband is at home watchin' a football game when his wife interrupts, honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickerin' for weeks now. He looks at her and says angerily, fix the lights now?! Does it look like i have GE written on my forehead? I didn't think so.

Fine, then the wife asks, well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right. To which he replied, fix the fridge door? Does it look like i have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so.

Fine, she says then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break. I'm not a damn carpenter and i don't want to fix the steps. He says, does it look like i have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home.

As he walks into the house, he notices that the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he noticesthe fridge door is fixed. Honey, he asks, how'd all this get fixed? She said, Well when you left, i sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong and i told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all i had to do was either go to bed with him or bake him a cake.

The husband said, so what kind of cake did you bake? She replied, HELLOOOOOOO... do you see betty crocker written on my forehead? I didn't think so!

El Vaquero (The Mexican Cowboy) and his Chihuahua, Chilito, are camping in the desert. He sets up their tent and both are soon asleep. Some hours later, El Vaquero wakes his faithful friend. "Chilito, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Chilito replies, "I see millions of stars, senor." What does that tell you?" asks El Vaquero.

Chilito ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, senor?" El Vaquero is silent for a moment, and then says, "Chilito, you pendejo. Someone has stolen our tent!"

loreana bobbit's sister was arrested for a similar crime.....

she went to cut her husmands penis off but instead sliced his thigh......

she went downtown to be booked and the judged charged her with Missed da weiner..........hahaha

get it.....

knock knock
whos there
doctor
doctor who
............


tee-hee

^ Banned.

Ha Ha, that was funny The End......Oh wait.....That wasn't a joke.......










































THAT MAKES IT FUNNIER ROFLMMFAO

Iight this one day these kids were in class and one boy walked in late da teacher said "Where have you been" he said "On top of blue berry hill" so she said "ok take your seat and open your book."

About 5 minutes later another boy walked in late and the teacher asked "Where have you been?" he replied "On top of blue berry hill" she take "ok take your seat"

Immediately after him a girl walked in. The teacher said "where were you? on top of blue berry too?" the girl replied "I am Blueberry Hill"

hahaha get it..my sis told me that joke yesterday ..faf

aight....

a blonde and brunett inherit their parents farm but after 3 months they're in debt so they decide to get a bull so they can breed and hopefully make sum muney. the brunett told the blonde i'll send u a telegraph when i need u to come pick me and the bull up so the brunett goes to another farmers ranch with all their muney which is $600. the bull costs $599, she then goes to the telegraph station but itz $1 per word and she only has 1 dolla, so she finally decides she will send her sister the word "comfotable" the clerk says "how will she know to come pick up the bull wit da word comfortable. the brunett says "my sister will read it slow..........comfortable......come-for-the-bull

a blonde dyes her hair bcuz she is tired of relentlessly being called stupid, the now beautiful brunett decides to show off her new hair and goes for a drive, she stopz at a farmers ranch and says "if i can guess how many sheep there are in ur flock can i keep one?" knowing that this would almost be impossible the farmer agrees. the blonde says "387!" which is correct so the astounded farmer lets her have one of his sheep. the EX-BLONDE picks out the most energetic one and takes it back to her car........then the farmer says "if i can guess ur natural hair color can i have my dog back?"

Superman was flying around the city one day cause he was bored.

He had an Idea; I'll go to the bat cave and see Batman. When He arrived he asked Batman "You wanna go out and fight some crime?". "Nah, I gotta clean the batcave", Batman replied. So Superman took off.

He got another Idea;"I'll go to the Aqua-lab and see Aquaman". When he arrived, he said "What's up Aquaman, you want to go out and fight some crime with me?". "Ahhh, I can't, I gotta train these new Dolphins.", aquaman replied. "Okay" Superman replied, and he took off.

So now extremely board, Superman was flying over the city again, gets another Idea;"I'm gonna fly over a nude beach". So off he goes, over the nude beach.

While he was enjoying the sights he noticed something, adjusting his Super vision, he saw Wonder Woman, sunbathing with her legs wide open. Great Ideas was no stranger to this man so he thought;"since I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I'm gonna go down and tap that ass, and fly back up...shenever know!!!!

All of a sudden there was a great ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATTATATBOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!

Wonder woman in total shock exclaimed "What the fuck was THAT?!?!?"

Invisible man said, "I don't know...but my ASS HURTS"

why did sureal cross the road?

cause his dick was stuck in the chicken!

WHAT!?

btw... my sig is a fuckin joke aint it? lol

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

ok, the joke master here:

50 blonde jokes


1: Why did God create blondes?
Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.


2: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
"Have another beer."


3: What's a blonde's favorite wine?
"Daddy! I want to go to Miami!

4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it?
Nobody. The first four don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

5: A Policeman pulls over a blonde in a sports car for speeding. He tries to explain to her what and where her driver's license is.
Finally, after she gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration. Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper with you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment." Excited "Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is tearing throught the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his 'member'
out. Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no!!! Not another breathalizer test!"

6: Why did they call the blonde twinkie?
She likes to be filled with cream.

7: How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.

8: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.

9: There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The DJ was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

10: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
They can't remember the number.

11: Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

12: Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book
called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume 7 of an encyclopedia.


13: A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender: "What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and Tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

14: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!

15: What is a bellybutton for?
It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.

16: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

17: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop.

18: A blonde and a brunette jump off the Empire State Building. It takes the blonde 3 minutes longer to hit the ground than it does or the brunette. Why?
She had to stop to ask for directions

19: A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun -- they just don't remember who with.

20: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
B.J.

21: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
Sweet Fuck All.

22: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

23: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.

24: Why can't blondes count to 70?
Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

25: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.

26: Why do blondes have square breasts?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!!!

27: Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better.

28: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.

29: What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag?
"Debbie...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

30: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.

31: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

32: How does a blonde turn the light on after sex?
She opens the door.

33: Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic Genie's lamp The Genie came out and said: "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were smarter." So she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette.
The third blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man.

34: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
Tell you later!

35: What do blondes say after sex?
"Thanks, guys!"

36: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
More leg room!

37: How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

38: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
She fell out of the tree.

39: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
She didn't know what ONE came first..

40: How can you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a round room and tell her to site in the corner.

41: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
You lick'em, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

42: Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. We're just going to sell drinks!!!

43: How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone

44: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant!

45: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.

46: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

47: A blonde was telling a priest a Polish joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "Do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

48: What did the blondes left leg say to her right?
Nothing, they've never met!

49: What is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
Pubic hair.

50: A dumb blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met St. Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but St. Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said St. Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" asked St. Peter.
Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

^^why did u waste the time to get 1 point accross

-blondes are stupid-

dont deny that you think this or u wouldnt have searched over google or some other engine to look for 50 stupid fucking blonde jokes-

yean man, but the statement "blondes are stupid" aint that funny and this is JOKE thread. some of those jokes were hilarious.

ummm......what has 2 legs and bleeds?




























half a cat. :)