|
Drama Queen vs Mentalz
Battle Rules:
16 - 40 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting No Hate or D/R Votes Topic: Seeing is Believing Minimum posts to vote: 200 Check in by: 10-26-05 at 12:51 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
... I guess if seeing is believing, I want to be a blind skeptic ... ... A step behind the benign with a craving for the hectic ... However reckless, this train of thought is doomed to spoil ... Groomed with broken brooms that loom on the blue moon's soil. I've always been in the recycling bin in terms of choice & pick ... Sick with desire but never determined enough for that chick. ... I stumble for clues to rues backed up like the 5 O'clock traffic ... Yet I remain active; I'm only staticly passive to the fanatic tantrum. ... The Absract ways played a-part as sure as opposites attract ... My integrity attacked, left to shambles w/ her understanding shade My undermanning gaze heald up the barrage of her unyeilding shielding ... As if I could kill time, without injuring eternity, with my shrill reeling ... |
Friend hit enter on the preview when I was seein how the structure was lookin'
Guess you get a sneak peak at my drop :p |
Mentalz has ACCEPTED this battle on 10-23-05 11:55 PM.
|
... I guess if seeing is believing, I want to be a blind skeptic ... ... A step behind the benign with a craving for the hectic ... However reckless, this train of thought is doomed to spoil ... Groomed with broken brooms that loom on the blue moon's soil. I've always been in the recycling bin in terms of choice & pick ... Sick with desire but never determined enough for that chick. ... I stumble for clues to rues backed up like the 5 O'clock traffic ... Yet I remain active; I'm only staticly passive to the average fanatic. ... Be that as it may, I met a woman of incredable traits that I relish ... I embellished her decencies & proceeded to persuading in meeting me Saturday morning, as the long hand spans from half past 11 an' hits 12 I shelf the frigid nonchalant emergence of her body's convergence & delve. ... Finally I get insight to the night that is my soul, forever in ripples ... As her elegant body's embraced whole heartedly from hips to nipples ... I'd have to see it to believe it, but now I have and so I do ... I'm finally beaten by the demon's existing within me, that were you. ... The Absract ways played a-part as sure as opposites attract ... My integrity attacked, left to shambles w/ her understanding shade My undermianing gaze held up the barrage of her unyeilding shielding As if I could kill time without injuring eternity, agitated by my shrill reeling. |
Spelling error = undermianing should read undermining.
Hurry up DQ :p, I've already given you half my verse so you know what level I was on (by mistake :( ) |
Drama Queen has ACCEPTED this battle on 10-25-05 12:20 PM.
|
Seeing is Believing
A mere gust of wind lets her golden locks playfully dance Getting lost in a trance as they view kind of lovers' game No one knows its name but mystery draws their attention Not what she has to mention but the beauty she portrays How one woman amazes without realizing that she does Cause such a foolish fuss yet she is trapped by a demon Addicted to his semen, blinded by love or a luscious lust? Though escaping she must from devilish and burning hell She doesn't understand too well what's going on outside In Hitler alone she confides, how she remains too blind Now let's embark upon a journey inside her fragile mind As I walk through this gate of torture with trembling hands I hear their cruel commands, suddenly detect smell of fear For there's no savior here that will lead them to being free Scarred faces is all I see but I cannot believe he did this That he caused this abyss when to me, he's a sweet man That is unaware how this all began, he must regret it now Though I don’t know how he got this far in demonic game They may all look the same but in reality they are diverse Put under a curse that is sent out by this ruthless leader Who can read her like no other man has ever done before In the midst of this dark décor, I start to see blunt truth Children losing their youth, Jews crammed in brick walls The Eagle calls though all I want right now is to run away I used to obey blindly but not anymore, I was such a fool I never believed that he was cruel but inside this prison Where many fell and few have risen I see his true face Heart filled with disgrace, I turn around to abruptly elude From this devil’s food, I escape to my safe little home There she stands, blond angel, who would ever fear her? No one but herself as she angrily stares into the mirror Naked…only covered with terrible sin she was a part of All she wants is to start over, the new life to start above Throwing off her blunders, becoming one with the glass Alas, this sinful life apparently doesn’t want to surpass She lays trembling, the dark red blood flowing out of her Until The Eagle returns to the Nest to make her transfer From this life to another, sent out to never return again She never believed them until she saw his true identity Let me clarify: I'm talking about Eva Braun, Hitler's lover who didn't believe the stories that circulated about Hitler until she saw a concentration camp for herself. |
.................................................. Up.
Feed returned. |
This was feedback posted for Mentalz
very close battle best ive ever seen on rv dead serious dq loved the story u told mentalz loved urs too :)
|
ok mentalz flow was by far better love ur multis props dq had some multis too but not as many and alot of her lines didnt rhyme
structure tie i guess lol both good not that i give a fuck lol vocab both good no doubt mentalz used more complex words where as dq didnt but idc lol both were great ok overall imagery close i got great from each no hate to either of you if i was going to vote i would vote for mentalz his was more complex i luved dqs view hitlers mistress but she didnt do as good as could have been done with it seemed really basic to be honest in most parts mentalz didnt go for a specific person but his was more detailed more complex and his flowed great battle though easily battle fo the month so many quotables However reckless, this train of thought is doomed to spoil ... Groomed with broken brooms that loom on the blue moon's soil. Throwing off her blunders, becoming one with the glass Alas, this sinful life apparently doesn’t want to surpass props to both of u |
Will, i'd return the attention to something you have open but you only drop pieces as often as atty gets laid. :|
So, Sorry. :( |
lmao yea i know i have alot of songs to uplload but i have dial up so ive been avoiding it lol
|
Uhm I got somewhat special rhyme scheme btw
It's ....................A ......A............B ......B............C And so on...tried something different... |
Upping this all the way to the top
Need to get some votes on this one |
Voted For: Drama Queen
RTF In This Link Here http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=212475 Before 24 Hrs Goes by or this vote will be removed ...Thanx DQ I Like Your concept in This topical drop I Think You Came really creative in This battle as far as your storyline goes I think that the subject that you dropped on was deep whoeva wouldve thought about hitler and his Lover and turn it into a topical drop i think That was very creative very original and very New to see so thats why Id give you my vote in this battle Honestly AI feel that you do take this one Mentalz I Like your drops man aand considering the fact that you elevated so fast in topicals makes you even that much bettter but In this particular drop you didnt give me much of what was needed to win a topical like good concept and a good theme sometimes can help your drops out I feel that you are not wack at this its just that in this drop you fail to supply what was needed to win compared to what DQ dropped so No Hate man thats just how I feel Please RTF In This link above |
Thanks for the feed & vote man, one of us will RTF for ya.
Uppin' for more votes. |
up................................................ ...
|
This was feedback posted for Drama Queen
pollz............................................. ...
|
Uppin' the battle~~~~~~~~~~~......................
|
Upping this all the way to the top.
Come on people, vote up! |
This was feedback posted for Mentalz
checkin pollz.............................................
|
Upping this to get some more votes...
Come on, vote up :-) |
Uppin for more votes... Would appreciate even feedback, I dont care if I win or loose, but "checkin' polls" can just as easily be feedback.
Stop sleepin'. Appreciate it. |
Uppin for more votes... Would appreciate even feedback, I dont care if I win or loose, but "checkin' polls" can just as easily be feedback.
Stop sleepin'. Appreciate it. |
This was feedback posted for Drama Queen
Queen,,,u def creative...great poetic mind..wish i could vote....not e-nuff vote
|
Upping this to get some more votes...
Will RTF... |
Upping this to get some more votes...
Will RTF... Slept on like a motherfucker. Appreciate it. |
This was feedback posted for Drama Queen
I need to see who's ahead. This battle won Best Topical Battle for this month.
|
Lmao @ only one vote. One of you needs to pm me when this battle closes so I can update the thread on who gets the win.
|
This battle is gona get so slept on like all topicals do. Lazy fucks.
|
Voted For: Mentalz
v/mentalz...here's why drama, i liked your emotion and story, but i felt it was severely hindered by your rhyme scheme you used...i felt like you didn't portray and express what you were doing to its maximum potential which that particular way of writing. overall, it was nice; a heartfilled, dramatic story, which is touching...but still seemed like this wasn't as good as it could have been, sorry. mentalz, nice, didn't like your rhyme scheme at times, but i enjoyed the flow and your story a little more....plethora of images in my mind, descriptions were in depth, and passionate well done to both, but i think this topic wasn't explored and exploited as well as it should've been, but good job to both, keep writing... |
Yeah, keep voting. I need this battle to be closed and shit.
|
Uppin' this old ass slept on battle. Will return the favor, so will DQ. Thanks in advance!
|
Upping this again, would appreciate some votes or something. Will RTF honostly, thanks in advance.
|
Uppin' the battle. Votes Please. will RTF.........
|
Voted For: Drama Queen
Drama Queen- your verse was good i thought n all...Structure was good too...designed differently..but yet easy to read n all...wordplay was good i thought...Vocab was good too also...umm your flow was also good...but you stayed on flow..also had a nice storyline i thought too...and you stayed on topic overall i thought you just had a better piece, and better vocab... i thought... Mentalz- verse was ehh pretty good...structure good n all...vocab was good but some just wasnt ya know...you had a nice flow to go along with the verse...wordplay was also good too i thought...you stayed on topic n all..and had a nice storyline with it...its just i liked Drama Queen's verse and piece better... RTF..In My SIG against "Sobe"..Or vote will be removed(seriously)... |
Uppin' this old ass slept on battle. Will return the favor, so will DQ. Thanks in advance!
|
Uppin' this old ass slept on battle. Will return the favor, so will DQ. Thanks in advance!
|
Uppin' this old ass slept on battle. Will return the favor, so will DQ. Thanks in advance!
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:09 AM. |