Daemon Vs. Tweety
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Lol @ This Check.......
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Paroxysm, Tweety, and Drama Queen in a week. Someone hates me.
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lmao you freal? lol o well hahaha
Sorry but i forgot to add line limit.. the line limit is 20 min and 50 max |
AWAKENING CREATURES [I]THE[/I] door closes so slowly, viewing behind it all the places desolate; the shadows are tesselate, engraving messages depicting pegasus. Lives immaculate, permit the remains of time through one abacus... Energy would omit the matters that plead in means of the advocate. NOT having it, the clocks tick to an approaching limit to which I burst, I'm a maverick, I stick to my own plans and quench the things I thirst. From the day's first, I stick to a linen chrysallis I'm easily encased in, to pass the speeding seconds as me and time are historically racing. The hall I'm facing is a labryinth of secrets leading into many rooms, Secluded in gloom, I ponder why I must awaken on this day so soon. The sun raised to engulf the moon in a light that burns my lazy eyes, and I actually seemed like a well-dressed person in this crazy disguise. And maybe girls and guys, you'll one day face this very same problem, to balance coffee in one hand, tie in the nother, with skin like a goblins. With misplaced shoes, hobblin, a dirty shirt, and even more tired features. I'd bag groceries with my eyes, on another day of an awakening creature. |
Err...nevermind the italics. Anyway, get a dictionary. If anyone says that they're voting against it because they can't understand it...you're a retard. Get a dictionary then vote for real.
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Gah, gah, gah. Some more lines.
Err...just let it pass, Dab. Does it matter? |
as long as its not too short
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Extension granted till Saturday.
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Possessed by the evil spirit and no one even saw it coming Not even the parents who gave her a heart that's pumping but ceased with the evil devil powers. She's losing her mind screams coming out of her vocals, she weeps while bind Priest with the cross bear in his palms. Is this the cure? will god angel's come and unleash the madness that's secure? She can't be hold much longer. God please come quick! The bind rips. she's loose and scared so she starts to panic Scared of the creatures that's in the same room with her So she runs away from it, but still the devil fire still amber. Winds commencing in the air, her feet’s are sore and Tired Rain coming down but not washing the devil powers inside her Shaken and fearing for her Life, things in her sight are changing Breathing so hard, blood pumping out of control her heart is aching The Bushes in the tree's are turning into hands..Thier Coming O God, the havoc. This like an nightmare without even sleeping Tears starts to fall from her cheeks, eye's wide and skin is shaking She's a goner she things. "There Coming" without knowing .................................................B lood from her forehead is leaking How can she stop this menace and creatures being formed around her Burned in agony, The rain feels like acid it hurts as she makes .................................................. .........................her way to the alter Still the creatures starts to show, and the pain is getting hard every minute now it feels like my heart is being ripped in pieces. God release this spirit blood starts to gawk out of my mouth between my teeth’s. There everywhere! Ghost with their devilish laughter surrounding me, holding onto my rear Pulling me back trying to keep me away from the bible. I'm struggling hard Every breath I take In I feel like every inch of my life is going away so far Heart beating so slow, lungs decreasing.."I need air. God please give me air" Wheezing through my nostrils." God Give me air. I don't want to breath in despair" Still I hear laughter’s, darkness arise. Creatures from everywhere drinking my blood As I watch these animated creatures drinking lavishly. I Drown, I drown in my flood |
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Nice battle...
Daemon: good concept you went with, interesting creativity used. The vocabulary was rather complex throughout the entire piece, imagery was excellent, emotion was there too. Flow was decent but what I felt was missing was depth, more details and a more indepth storyline. I would've loved to see you elaborate more and have an even stronger built-up towards the end. .Lola Cruez. II: very nice piece from you here, I enjoy the approach, rather original. First part seemed right out of The Exorcist but then you gave it your own switch which I liked. Good balance in vocab, emotion was so raw but the imagery was at a very high level. It was as if I was there viewing everything right away, flow might be improved on though... My vote goes to .Lola Cruez. II for a more indepth and interesting piece |
o_O Tweety's approach isn't that interesting, it's about possession, ooh, haven't seen that before. And obviously, the topic doesn't really call for EMOTION or for it to be INDEPTH. Voting for things like that when it doesn't apply to the piece is stupid... it's like saying a humor piece doesn't have enough emotion, so the other person loses. Whatever. 1-0 Tweety.
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That's why i love Topicals so Much because you can take an stupid topic (Not saying this was an stupid Topic) and turn it to an emotional piece or a deph piece ect ect ya know? It's all about creativity, but w.e 1-0 me.
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How was possession as a topic creative? You know how many people I've talked to saying emotional pieces are boring as fuck? I don't use emotion all the time, but people still insist on making it part of their vote.
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Well I don't see many people saying "Emotion is boring as fuck" You need Emotion to bring out the best in the piece also if you follow it up with imaginary...In my opinion Emotions bring out the best in the piece...and a decent follow up too.
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That's your opinion. I don't see them voting against you because you don't have originality or vocabulary. Emotion doesn't matter AT ALL in a topical piece. It depends on the topic and how you shape it, and I shaped it in a way that wasn't emotional, so why base it on something you did and I didn't?
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Your opinion say I don't have originality that's fine..But who's they? Only one person voted in this battle and that's DQ. Your right I don't have Vocab but you dont always need vocab. In my opinon I think my piece was original..You may don't but I do...Now The thing you didn't do was to follow it up..You went RIGHT into the main Topic when you could've expanded and go toward the ending...It was fast and it was boring (In my opinon) Which I did..I expanded and put down a story Like I always do and follow it up to the ending. "Expansion" is the key word here, if you expanded your piece you could've won this...But you went str8 ahead into the main topic making it not intersting and shit..In my opinion. You can create a small piece and it still can be very good and complex..with metaphors and similies decent wordplay..
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I didn't 'expand it' when the whole thing basically led to what it meant? Whatever. I still :love: you.
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Awwwww I :love: you yoo.........
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I bet I got you confused as hell in the beginning, huh? Some people don't realize the whole thing is based on the fact I'm trying to make it seem like it's something about possession or something in the beginning. Twists are underrated. :)
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True that...I was a little confuse I had to read it 3 times...to get the full concept...
Shit...Lol.. |
This was a pretty good battle but ima have to give this one to Daemon..to me he had alittle more imagery.. nice vocab and wordpaly.. so did lola dont get me wrong but i just was feeling daemons alittle more.. tweetys sorta lost my attention cus she made her font smaller so her structure would go together... but overall it was a pretty nice topical battle but to me like i said daemon won
Vote-Daemon |
vote against me...because of a font...hmm w.e 1-1...
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:) I didn't whine about votes, you shouldn't either./
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Daemon:
Nice use of vocab and imagry. Your diction was very descriptive which I liked. However, I think you should have made your verse longer, ya know? You didnt actually get into much detail about the overall topic. I feel that you could have gone many different ways with the title Awakening Creatures. The path the you chose to base your verse on was a little weak and I think thats what hurt you the most. Tweety: Right off that bat I noticed great diction, structure, rhyming and excellent imagry. I knew you were always dopeness at topical and was expecting something this good. Honestly, one of the best topicals Ive seen out of you, permitting that it was not a topic that you picked to write about. You wrote differently than Daemon, took a different path with the given topic and it was a good pick. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your verse, good job. V/Tweety.......................... |
Closed
Tweety wins due to a 2-1 vote. |
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