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Fuck it...
Here's the deal....
I'm tired of the lack of talent here... So here's what I"m going to do... I'm going to help some of you in this thread Possibly end up with atleast a few decent heads here |
Can you help me? I'm looking for something in red........ ohh, I thought you were talkin about somethin else........
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^
The Fuck? |
dumbfucks
!can you believe some herb actually is tryin to strongarm me over PM's ! |
Way to use this as a freepost thread kids
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???^ is there a point to this?
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Read the first post morons
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i wont freepost ill let u help me if u want
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Here's the deal....
I'm tired of the lack of talent here... So here's what I"m going to do... I'm going to help some of you in this thread ...and ur point is??? |
Point is... I'm going to help some of you worthless fucks become better...
i.e. Answer questions, evaluate verses, etc. Damn you are dense |
im always lookin to elevate...wut u suggest?.......
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u can sugggest shit 2 me 2
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^dont strech your bars so long L.i
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i get wut ur saying.but are you good enough to help us out?dats da real question.theres probably some people way better than u on dis site native.
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^^^
I doubt that kiddo.... I'm known on sites you people couldnt even join. And you'll have to drop examples if you want me to suggest things |
Listen to this guy , he knnows what he talking about.
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IF you guys seriously want some help......come to this cat. He knows what he is talkin about, and quite frankly, I wish more people would battle like him......
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Exactly
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Here's a grammar tip
when you type try to spell the words how they are REALLY spelled dont make lines so fuckin long and try to minimize the use of guns in your verse gun punchlines are played out! |
http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=121094
^^ vote. Not a freepost, because I do want honest feedback. |
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dense as syrup |
Paste verses here... I"m not going to follow links
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i'm not that good but self gloifying is just garbage.
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check this verse
Me vs. Jpoll league (I lost) You are now listening to the the best... break ya spinal column,'un-even contestants' and 'lines' like a 'seismograph',watch 'backs fold' Your style-is-dead, rehearsed-n-old, J couldn't win this battle if he "drove my Royce backwards" to "REVERSE-THE-ROLLS"! fool,grippin tools,i spit scriptures the only time u "DROPPIN SCIENCE" cuz u found "CHEMSITRY WAS TOO DIFFICULT" battling with week ryhmes is un-negotiable, so make the transaction to audio, cuz failure is the result clap these bastards,put em in the back of the truck now their nothin but "JUNK-IN-DA-TRUNK" like " the ass of J-LO!" turn ya fitteds to a halos,in a way we're similar cuz ur style is "O.K." and mine is to "K.O."! if you ever herd Phat's multimedia would make you have seizures n choke get the pope,i have a "sense of humor" ...im battlin this "clown" to prove "i can take jokes!" got u "scared of me sun"(son) like "albinos in the summer" i'll wreck u again after this and give u so manylosses ur record looks like a SERIAL NUMBER! (time to murda) change my alias to "sickle cell" the way i make "kids get reduced" u get no pussy,if a girls moaning "OOOOO...J!" she prolly just has a "fetish for citrus juice"! Bold words are forced words |
^^ were you the one talking to other people about making lines shorter?
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i know this verse is hella streched but i didn't want to drop the content. If i would have no one would got the verse
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If its stretched nobody could give a fuck about the content...
You need to work on having a decently flowing, shorter verse. First do that... then work on wording in the content you wanted |
Alright.. my verse.. I realize the open is weak... never done 32 lines before:
Quote:
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This junior high crew, still doing lunch recess n nap time
… no wonder their hardest punch is just a flipped Dr. Seuss rhyme not much of a punch... but decent structure.... Call this the next school slaying, but hey at least y’all got your fame Kinda sad… These kids, still playing superhero, but they got some goofy ass names not good... poorly worded with no real punch LI, call yourself The Elevator…. “that’s the only place they hear my song” Call Kuniva the Battery Man, the way he say “it’s Li Ion (/I on)” sloppily worded... not a bad concept if used properly Check their biography title - Kuniva and Li: A Fairy Tale… of sorts And now we on the topic… I’m about to make a long story short not bad Yo Kuniva… This cat cop my punches and think he got a “freestyle” Worst sig ever dog… even your crew don’t think your worthwhile not good... shouldnt have used it No wonder, when you got half the posts in the complaints forum I’m blacklisted already, next someone get a restraining order for him… not much a punch... I"m sure blacklisted punches are played... or should be Who we kidding… this cat queerer than a bill worth five dollar … and posting his verse in green so he can pretend he a man of color bad..... Come with Cochran and still can’t connive a (kuniva) win … not when your album worth less than the wrapping it arriving in poorly worded... but not bad... the set up was better than the punch however You drop shit? Take laxatives till you sick, and still no bowel movement Come on man… Your father beat you with the ugly stick… and got improvement not bad at all... its bars like this that you show some upside Even worse, check his girl… wait LI hasn’t posted any pics Man… these cats worse than a game of hoops at the special Olympics played... not good Try as they fucking will, they just can’t get their balls to drop Defeat me? Better luck getting Niagara falls to stop… again... not good.. not even a good concept Cats such lightweights, picking up the mic leave their wrist bone cracked Got throwback album… hand it out to fam and it gets thrown back poorly worded.... played concept... just not good Just got shown whack, won’t show they faces till eyebrows grown back They skills a known lack, just can’t come hard… like they got a torn sack too focused on trying to use multis... just not good Bars so lightweight they curling them to elevate… and still failing Wait.. let me get this straight, how you hard if my mic check got you wailing? mic check punches need to be used better than this...... Sometimes it just hard to tell… which is the bride n which the groom? These cats are way ahead of their time… cuz they can’t help but come too soon not good... at all And ayo… Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, its time to publicly announce LI, your ass is worth dick… because its what’s on the inside that counts not bad.. played though..... Basically.... definately work on your wording... it needs alot of help. You also need to focus on keeping the level of punches... you fall off far too often |
^^ aight, good looking
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L.I Can Write Bars On His Forehead an couldnt Make Head-Lines/
Could Pass For Bustas Aerobics Instructor way ya Stretch-Rhymes/ Lines Requirin Higher Court Rooms L.I considers my Verse-Appealin/ The Type to Cripple Ya Sense of Touch jus to Hurt-Ya-Feelins/ Double Dutchin wit Gats as Ropes Kuniva quit Jumpin-The-Gunz-B/ Tradin Bars With You Like Laxatives bet i give you a Run-for-ya-Money/ Ponderin-Stats Complexity's Dilemma Fuck A Beene no Quandary-Raps/ Scared to Throw in the Towel like Paranoid Peeps in Laundrymats/ Got L.I Sweatin Bullets Perspirin Shells through His Skin-Pores/ Kunivas battlin Wit Alzheimers he dont know What Hes In-For/ Even If Kuniva Had saL.Iva Couldnt Spit Hot Shit If He Refined It/ Put Out Of Order Signs on yalls Brain To prove yall Closed-Minded/ Admit Defeat Scared To Come Out Ya Shell like Shook Terrapins/[turtles] Dressed The Odds Of Victory In Lean Clothes Ya Chances Wearin Thin/[think kids] Moron i Aint Losin Kuniva Sharkin Names Nothin But A Meek-Biter/ Your vo'CAB' is rollin on "flats" i think you better RE-TIRE/(retire) Weak Faggots Like Kuniva Get Their Persona's-Faded/ Write 'Wednesday in Punctuations' So Ya Loss Is A-Comma-'Dated'/(accomodated) Looch got the "Element" of battle while you continue to 'Bore-On'/[boron] like "Dummies Usin Facial Cleansers" L.I's merely an 'Oxy-Moron'/ Strike Kunivas Vision Wit Precise Incisions Despite Predictions/ Got This "Pussy Fearin My Bars" Like Paranoid Dikes In Prisons/ How L.I Gonna Flow When Im Cloggin Ya System Like A Blood Clot/ Tryna Get Ya Brain On Track But Im Wreckin Ya Train Of Thought/ Couldnt Make Not 1 Top 10 List And Now Kuniva Wanna Get Upset/ And Like Careless Tight Rope Walkers Ya Career Depends On The Net/ Just Leave These Fake Rappers Motionless Like A Manicin/ L.i Readin My Verse Hyperventalatin Hopelessly And Panicin/ Knowin A Win Is Uncontrolable Like Addin To His Pokemon Collection/ I Think Ya Face Is The Reason Ya Parents Started Usin Protection/ Except It You flows sound all the same like The voice of Ben Stein/ I'll Put Ya Spine On A Calender And Place Ya Back-Into-Time/ help on that?? |
^^lmao dope verse dont feel
like doing a full verse but you had some good metas and somewhat personals punches hit somewhat hard but you should lose the /// and """"""" it makes your verse seem kinda gay and newbish |
lol ok i been meanin to do taht but it comes as habit on here
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I'll break that verse down after a bit
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no breakdown yet?
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Pry tomorrow
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yo, I was wicked bored last week, so I took some time to write this song. Let me kno what I should fix.
(Chorus x2) I see my album at the store… I go over and I COP IT! I see niggas frontin’ wit me, I tell ‘em they betta WATCH IT! If they take a step closer, I take my GAT out and COCK IT! If they front a little more… then they’ll hear me POP IT! Everywhere I go, all the haters flood around They be sniffin’ up my trail, like a fuckin’ blood hound They wanna get me down, out, and away from this game They believe diminishin’ me, will bring them all the fame But what they don’t comprehend, is the difficulty of that task Tryin’ to kill me is like, tryin’ to jack off to Lance Bass It’s not possible, NOPE… nay, it can’t be done I’ll hit you from the back, not in the gay way, but wit a gun The way I shine over them, they prolly think I be the sun, yo If they got a problem wit me, I’ll shoot ‘em jus for fun, yo A click is what you’ll hear, when I take my GAT out and cock it If you don’t like what I say… then you’ll hear me pop it You can never stand tranquil, you always have to fidget You couldn’t make the front page, even if you fucked a midget Your rhymes are all wack, you won’t even admit that you spit it But jus like OJ Simpson, we all kno that you did it (Chorus x2) I see my album at the store… I go over and I COP IT! I see niggas frontin’ wit me, I tell ‘em they betta WATCH IT! If they take a step closer, I take my GAT out and COCK IT! If they front a little more… then they’ll hear me POP IT! Now, to all the niggas out there, that say they be the greatest You guessed wrong! You wouldn’t be missed if you went on a hiatus As a matter a’ fact… everyone thinks your rhymes are wack They be holdin’ up signs, that be sayin’, “Please, don’t come back” Please respect the crowd’s wishes, and get the hell outta here You spit like a frog. Now hop away… IT’S A LEAP YEAR!!! You always rap about… how you got a lotta money But you got none, YOU’RE IN DEBT!!! To me this shit is funny Me on the other hand… everybody loves me God is the only one, that they put above me I spit my rhymes so sick, biters don’t even try to catch them Released 2 lines, instead of a single, and still went platinum Me against you, dawg… PLEASE! That ain’t even a battle Jus flashin’ you my kicks, would be enough to get you rattled Black and red Adidas sneakers, and my OU fitted I come dressed to kill. The hospital is where you’ll be admitted (Chorus x2) I see my album at the store… I go over and I COP IT! I see niggas frontin’ wit me… I tell ‘em they betta WATCH IT! If they take a step closer, I take my GAT out and COCK IT! If they front a little more… then they’ll hear me POP IT! These fools be hatin’… like they don’t kno who I be I’m SPuL aka Reckless, I ain’t no wannabe G I’ll dominate you so bad, and I’ll swipe yo Range Rover Jus like Lil’ Flip, nigga… it’s “Game Over” But instead of chantin’ “Flip”… they all be chantin’ “SPuL” They kno that I be blazin’, and that I’m unstopaBULL I have the ability to K-O, wit just one fuckin’ line I’ll have ‘em so bezerk, they’ll be choosin’ punch over wine I rock a 12 and 2 record, when I’m battlin’ fools online Won 10 in a row… I should go live, and make ‘em mine I’m always “In Da Club”… I do it my own way I say, “Fuck 50 Cent… man, I’m 50 K” Now listen up… hatas kno I got the skill I’m jacked up wit the money, jus like yo telepone bill When my video hits BET… everbody gonna watch it When my album comes out, even hatas are gonna cop it (haha) (Chorus x2) I see my album at the store… I go over and I COP IT! I see niggas frontin’ wit me… I tell ‘em they betta WATCH IT! If they take a step closer, I take my GAT out and COCK IT! If they front a little more… then they’ll hear me POP IT! thanks. PEACE |
^^ that should be in open mic
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yea, I posted it there. I jus wanted to see if he thought I needed to fix anyhting
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Basically..... work on wording.... wording is key. Also you dont have to have multiple words in your rhyme scheme, it acually makes alot of your lines seem forced. Also work on witty punches... you know... something nto straight forward that readers think about for a second, then are like "Damn!". Not bad.. just work on that and also try to use your metas better... and drop some better personals |
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