Unsuitable Life- Parallel
 

Patently my parents have there own beef going On
Flows the opposite way of a song to you its Wrong
Hopefully they don’t get mad at each other & Leave
If you believed they would to, bust all there Relieve
Basically y’all would receive a patently waiting Gift
Surprisingly you know this is no myth & get my Drift
I don’t believe how I work with this Misunderstanding
So unsuitable to me and how my parents are Demanding
I really do wish these last 4 years were brought Back
So I would spend time with both then just one, its Wack
Moms trying for money off my dad, whats her Problem
And dads always fighting in court, trying to solve Em
I had no say in this like they thought I was Invisible
They thought I was disabled to people none Divisible
Its like shit people wake up and see whats goin Down
Mom, don’t forget about my Two brothers & I Frown
The reason why we frown is because you seem to Forget
You leave to Calgary and almost feels like we never Met
Dad was always here for us & even took us to Places
James is are half brother but we still go the same Paces
In different ways we still liked knowing both are Their
Most of the times we visited each other we still Share
The latest years gotten real bad but we show are Composer
Standing tall is what is need, to be the greatest Soldier
I want you to, to be standing together on all the Problems
Try working with each other as family like expensive Gems
Its up to you to, to stop beefing and shit, its your Choice
In the days this first began I hated to hear the loud Voice
By the time you realize that you two do such mental Shit
You’ll end up realizing that its about the time you two Quit
Sometimes I feel it’s a competition between both of You
To see whos the best & whos gonna turn out in the long Run
I think you two outdone yourselves this time, its like a Crime
Watching me play ball soon you’ll start a fight on the Subline
Starting to begin in another fight, I don’t want more Confusion
Both got enough started its time to quit this maxed Conclusion
Surprisingly this wasn’t resolved together, theres to much Wrong
The flow has disappeared like a producers outgoing Song
I don’t want this to begin again like another war or Armageddon
It feels like slavery has begun, & now this family equals Gone
-Parallel

look out for the remix by Legend and I.Mind

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=168418

sho so. can't wait till we get done.

ya man...but uppin this might be a open mic of the month...so uppin

this was very dope man....this a true story....anyway this reminds me of a kinda eminem lyrics and all...vocab was descent...

good drop...
9.5/10

thanks man..yea this was true shit...thanks...uppin

decent, but hardly om of the month
this is mediocre at best

if you think so dont u see my wordplay n shit...easly to see..ya i dont care tho...uppin

uppin.................weerdizzle to the crunkshizzle

fuckin hoes...leave soem feed

sorry i was in a bad mood
and you called me a herb so...
yeah i'll read again and leave some feed
later

this was tight.....i liked the picture you made me when you wrote that shit out....nice topical man...pz...

yall is some buuummms!!! justbattle me

why are there newbies in my thread?...wtf..uppin

lol.............have no idea

jeeeeez....leave feed peeps..

Im almost done with my verse!

Pretty good.. flow fine, content fine.. only drawback was ya vocab sometimes..

Were is your link..... You have 24 hours... or recieve a warning & have your thread closed

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o sry i dditn know we were getting back to this shit....ok ill drop a link...ill edit my verse and drop the link in the bottom one sec..im sry bout that...but anyway uppin while i get that link to troops verse it was tight check it out

coulda upped the vocab and got a lil more complex and complicated
shoot for sumthin another man wouldnt say..but overall i give it an
7/10

cool shyt here...emotion is sensed......

d.a.

thanks troop......and newbie...uppin

uppin peoples.....

All i'm gonna say is nice flow and style. 5/10

good drop, emotion is there. vocab could be a bit better, I like this cause In part's I could relate to it.

good drop 8/10

alright..I'm about to destroy your ego...and shame you...I'm sick and tired of seeing this bullshit...you think your good at wordplay..and you think you understand metaphors..but your really not at all....YOU HAVE IMPROVED A TON....but that doesn't say shit..your still a newb...............................I'll explain it all in this verse

Patently my parents have there own beef going On
Flows the opposite way of a song to you its Wrong

okay...patently is an awful word to use...this is a situation where you tried for nice vocab..and it completley backfried...that word doesn't even sound good...and if you met patiently...well..that doesn't even make sense...
now the 2nd line....was decent...it was good...but irrelevant to what your talking about...it was a massive filler...this is the kind of shit you pull all the time


Hopefully they don’t get mad at each other & Leave
If you believed they would to, bust all there Relieve

you made it clear that they fight..which means there gonna be mad at eachother...but overall...your idea was good...than the 2nd line...what the fuck does "bust all there relieve" mean...once again...filler that doesn't make sense..

Basically y’all would receive a patently waiting Gift
Surprisingly you know this is no myth & get my Drift

okay..recieve a patiently waiting gift? or did you use patently again...the first line was awful...completely irrelevant to the topic..however...the 2nd line was better...it was almost like an intro the context of your verse

I don’t believe how I work with this Misunderstanding
So unsuitable to me and how my parents are Demanding

this was pretty good..could have been worded better..but the message got across...not much to complain about

I really do wish these last 4 years were brought Back
So I would spend time with both then just one, its Wack

not bad either...could have been worded better

Moms trying for money off my dad, whats her Problem
And dads always fighting in court, trying to solve Em

this was actually pretty dope...this was good wordplay

I had no say in this like they thought I was Invisible
They thought I was disabled to people none Divisible

first line was good..2nd one was horrible

Its like shit people wake up and see whats goin Down
Mom, don’t forget about my Two brothers & I Frown

first line had nothing to do with the 2nd...but it wasn't bad...2nd line was good..untill the i frown part

The reason why we frown is because you seem to Forget
You leave to Calgary and almost feels like we never Met

you go from saying i frown to we frown...and it was a horrible transition...2nd line was decent though




those are the first few bars...i'm not going to analyze the rest...hopefully you get the message....
basically..what i'm tryin to say is.....you get a lot more credit than you deserve....yes..you have improved a lot...but that doesn't mean your good..at all....and this is by far your best piece...and it's not even that great...it's a bit below average if you want me to be honest...everything has gotten better..but you need to make sure your metaphors..and wordplay...and lines in general...are relevant and meaningful to the story...not just lines that rhyme....

holy man...i didnt even take my time doing this....you dont have to get mad....and i never used wordplay in this i know....i elevated after this man..take it easy invision...but uppin

so uppin.......

This was a nice piece i aint really seen your stuff it has nice flow and stays on the subject instead of straying off id give it a 7.9/10 you are real good though man you might think this is a "newby's" opinion but everybody's opinion makes you that much better peace

ya its ight...as long as i get feed im kool...and yea thanks again....uppin yall

The rhymes seem too forced, like they'r random words thrown in at the end of the bar.

Other than that, this was aiight, good concept.

wet drop keep doin yo thing bra

thanks both...but i dont understand how there forced...i mgith have forget to throw a (,) In to show emotion but its ight...uppin

yo was feelin the imagery, u proper painted a picture wit ur lines man and it flowed well...ur vocab was on point - was used and used in right places...was fellin this drop was a proper story..overall 9/10. Peace

thanks alot......wordizzle

........uppinizzle

this is tight shit multis were tight nice topic is it somethin thats happen to u right now...good vocab nice structre....
8/10

Yo i have this exact same shit goin on wit the two sisters instead of brothers but the james thing is the same its trippy as fuck nice spit!

really good if u asks me