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Broken fruit
Broken Fruit
It's times like these that the pit of my stomach turns
growing full of spines, sprouting pain that just burns I yearn to understand the rottin fruit of this selflesness out to flunk me, and end killing me in this relentless test awed at the spectacle of a grown mans broken sentiments scopin tense moments of denial just hoping up against a fence cheaters way out -showered my thoughts but I'm no coward Ill clutch the stem until my hands bleed and then eat the flower slowly release rage through words on a tear soaken paper and blind the guide who took the broken path he called safer so I stand here now looking up, broken but stronger and release a silent scream at love saying my hope is no longer make of it what u would like. |
this is nice... very cool. Very good imagery.
Quote:
It flows well, good rhymes & all. Very vague, though. Can't really tell exactly it's about, like it's only scratching the surface. But I sense the inner torment and bleak outlook in it. Overall, I like verses like this, and I liked this one. |
Yea ..this was nice, short & to the point, .. good vocab, & rhymesheme..nice resamblings to the fruit..very original..flowed good, .. only thing i didnt like that it was short ... but eh good job .. = )
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one of the best peices ive seen from you, good flow, didnt fall off anywhere that i could see, good imagery, good shit man, i like it, i like it alot.
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GOD DAMN...that was pretty deep there guy.. the imagry was easily done greatly here... the vocab level was high, and not overdone..flowed well...only noticible flaw would be the lenght...i felt that had you added 6-10 more lines you could have explained better...good none the less
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ayo that shit was hot as fuck yo know yo keep it up son
Dont reply ne more, ..with a bullshit one reply line..do it again & ur banned -Edicius |
vocab was precise and on point
flow was generally hard and nice concept very creative this piece was nice and well thought out i liked it alot.... drop feed on "untangible evil" |
Uppin, thank u those who took their time to peep.
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I was really feelin' the piece Largo ... Creative ... Very ... Content was deep ... Piece was short but still had enuff to make it dope ... Imagery was dopie in this piece ... Gotta say one of the dopest drops I have seen from U also ...
slowly release rage through words on a tear soaken paper and blind the guide who took the broken path he called safer so I stand here now looking up, broken but stronger and release a silent scream at love saying my hope is no longer That was the standout part of the verse in my opinion ... I was lovin' those lines ... Keep it up ... Stay writin' man ... Good job here ... Peace |
Nice piece...seriously. Definitely deep. I could find one or two spots where the flow fell off just a bit. Other than that, beautiful. As some others said, wish it were a longer piece. Nonetheless, very nice.
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short and sweet~~~~
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thank u for the feedback fellas ^ ^ better lengthen those replys
or your gonna get in trouble.. |
This was very deep, the wording really stepped this up a level, the vocab was suited for this piece but could of done with upping to take it that next stage higher so there was multis to help the flow, but i know your mcing skills are really damn good, so i think this would make avery nice short audio, the emotion really gave the reader a sense of participating in the event, well done!! try and give me more next time, its nice to read, and keep writing.
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short, nice flow, consistent on topic and good metaphor's
I yearn to understand the rottin fruit of this selflesness Nice |
Short piece... Dope...
Good consistent flow... Structure was... Ya know... Normal... Vocabulary was pretty decent for such a short verse... You managed to say what you felt in a short space... Thats good... Quotable... slowly release rage through words on a tear soaken paper That^, my friend... Was dope... Keep dropping... Pz... |
set up nicely
probably the deepest piece ive seen from you expressed your emotion in a short but interesting and thought provoking way liked the imagery you used 'cheaters way out -showered my thoughts but I'm no coward Ill clutch the stem until my hands bleed and then eat the flower slowly release rage through words on a tear soaken paper and blind the guide who took the broken path he called safer so I stand here now looking up, broken but stronger and release a silent scream at love saying my hope is no longer ^all standout loved the eating the flower..really dope image right there props |
short but commendable. the flow was apparent. the meaning was felt and the
topic was nice. i felt this one and it seemed as if i could somehow relate to wut ur saying. some lines were a bit perplexing but it was an enjoyable read. keep at it. hit this up plz http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113109 pz |
very good imagry
i see you are using more flow and multies props it reminds me of something i would write good job it was an enjoyable but short read |
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