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....i....
...I... On the eve of nuclear destruction, I wandered the halls of Hades, wet from wading out of Styx's horrible jaws Escaping through the chasm of my new-born insanity Trampling living corpses outside Persephone's fortress Locked out of the gates of hell, they're refused death; Abuse breath with lungs that no longer consume fresh Air...They stare, emaciated, scream and moan for home, As they decompose under my sole, and I am alone. For the river's made me invicible like Achilles, to watch The dying lay prone with a heart now defiant as stone.. And I am alone among the creations of Eve and Atom Burnt offerings to the gods of man's greed and avarice What was the catalyst ~ for the explosion that exposed this Open hole in man's soul and his ~ life as a masochist Was it oil? Territory or perhaps the gods were at war Did Isis and Osiris contract a plot to counter-attack Thor? I'd awoke from the dark and guilty sleep instilled in me And traveled the embattled lands and their filthy scenes. Of roasted people, laying on their backs and still screaming Still steaming! Some on fire, long dead, but still breathing. All night I walked until I fell beneath the rung of a stair, Which oddly caused my scalp to shake free some of its hair. Was this really my home now, in my old home town? With the door wide-open and the windows blown out? I crept up the steps and spied the crypt's encrepted vision My parents in front of the TV, burned beyond recognition. My father's coal skin spat cinders that singed my shoes He had screamed so loud, his jaw was unhinged and loose He lay over another body, that he had covered with a quilt I pulled it away...and he shattered, over my mother sitting still... She lay covering her ears, most of her flesh turned to dust Burned in gusts of radiation! I couldn't face it, turned to run — to the bathroom, nauxious as I felt the vomit coming And found the tub over-flowing with the cold-faucet running The water was now boiling, and at base of the sink basin My brother was half-alive, scalded with molding abrasions He barely spoke, and lay in a pool of his feces and waste I screamed at him to wake up and to please take my place! Let me die! So I won't have to see his grieved, wasted face Awaken in agony, why did all this have to happen to me?! I pulled and screamed at him to rise, I refused to bury him So I weakly lifted him out of the house and carried him... Through the Wastelands, where Pluto and Osiris ruled, A nuclear creation of a nation run by enlightened fools... ...to be continued |
::laugh::...I... Till (IIIII) Die
Thats me!!! |
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Hmm~~~Die.... |
Damn Pen.....once again at it again.....I like the whole how would you put it........fantasy feel to it....it was great..........your an awesome story teller man no doubt about that.....an once again you prove it.....just plain dope.....now why is it that your not in legends yet? I think your better than most those overrated cats anyway.....theyll soon realize it...........hey maybe thats why they hate on you.......keep doing your thing man.........peace
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Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ILLness PenSkills Nice piece right here the way you structured The story. Great beginning and ending cause and effect type Construction buy using a story line. It kept a unique flow as well Impressive . Very nice structure I could learn from you with the Structure and all. Nice vocabulary usage like always. I think you Have the best vocabulary usage I have seen in a while besides from Me lol joke. Anyways great drop. And also a nice topic. Laters |
iight...
This was a cool topic... And a liked the way that you portrayed the images into my mind... This was... As usual... A dope drop by you... Consistently dropping dope pieces now... Setting the standard for other drops in OM in my opinion... Only one thing about this piece... Maybe abit too long... But that is really me trying to scrape the barrel for constructive critisism... Keep it up... Or a wont be happy! Pz... |
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:laugh: ..I told you..I'm Dope~~~~ |
Shit was hot except for the part "
On the eve of nuclear destruction, I wandered the halls of Hades, wet from wading out of Styx's horrible jaws" Doesn't go together just right fix it up a little and shit would be 10/10 and I don't give niggas good ratings |
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:laugh2: cool~~~~ |
Good piece...the first few bars, I found it didnt flow...but I dont know. The structure was good, along with vocabulary...everything in tact here...Good idea, and nice theme....Damn, another dope piece for Penskills...Im starting to envy you.
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:evilgrin: ...^^ |
damn pen...i aspire to be like you and lirael and muthugga...damn you alll..dope people..im 3/4 dope...not dope enuff..anywayz another nice drop..we gotta collab sumtime....keep droppin..pz
-Daz |
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^ WOW...I'm truly flattered by your comment..I'm still long away though... |
damn very unique...great vocabulary, wordplay and structure....the way you made everything seem real through your words was amazing. I loved the topic. Uhhh im not sure if im the one to tell you what to work on...but i guess i can say work untill you get a peice in legends... ;)
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^ thanks Top... :thumbup: |
good shit...
what's that Avalokiteshvara in yrou sig... and... nice joint... soon it'll be time to take it to audio... |
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^ It means "An embodiment of the compassion of all the buddhas,visualized in the form of a meditational deity." |
This shit was ill as fuck. My fav open mic i've read since I've been here. The imagery was ill. The wording was ill. It was an incredible piece. I would quote lines but, the whole thing needs quotations. Nice shit. Keep up the good work.
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This sucked!!!!!!!!!!
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^^^^^Thanks......LMAO~~~
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Fucking Shit. . Like Gunman Said, This Shit Was Wack. . I've Seen Better Shit From E-Thugs. . You Suck Big Nuts. . It's All About Guns, Bling, And Bitches. . Not Creativity, Dopeness, And Content. .
Who Am I Bullshittin ? Another Dope Piece Pen. .Your Storytelling Abilities Are Incredible. . Above most Heads That Post Open Mics. . Keep Droppin', For The Creative MC's Sake. . Pz. |
^Hmmm~~thanks...why isn't this up for OM of the month yet???(yeah I said it I'm cocky!!!..but I'm Dope....so fuck you... :evilgrin: )
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...wow a person that deserves to get
dick rode in open mic thread. good job. this was good. structure always on key imagery great. hope we can collab some time...or not. but id say ur in sui.inc :P |
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:thumbup: ..for those who missed this.....then read ...II... :thumbup: |
Well...I see you dont do them once in a while. They're just a part of your style. Nice piece...A bit harder than the 3rd installment to read but dope none-the-less. One
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I get penalized by missing pieces like these in the Open Mics because I rarely stray in here. It has become too e-hardcore for me. I see that you have the other two parts up. I'll read them, as well..
"And traveled the embattled lands and their filthy scenes. Of roasted people, laying on their backs and still screaming Still steaming! Some on fire, long dead, but still breathing." ^^ A powerful statement all on its own.... I never read a story of someone detailing their family's burnt remains of a nuclear holocaust. Dope story nonetheless. These are the pieces I enjoy reading. |
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