|
...II...(of the Epic)
...II... What man renames himself God and claims the axe of Thor, and buries it in his thorax and poverty-scorched hapless shores? Crimson lightning flashed, as acid splashed in smolderin’ rains I carried my dying brother on my back, to ‘shoulder the pain’ The air was suffocated with snow, as white sheets split the sky. Warm flakes of ash, without a storm break, whizzed on by. "… Hell always looks prettier in Christmas time," my brother’s distant sigh, as radiation death kissed his mind. The shakiest steps, I moved through War’s irradiated breath of air, from Aries’ scary death-emaciated chest… pass the fried bastardized children of a whore atom bomb laid torn, scattered on the White House war-ravished lawn. To the Capital where kids evaporated on the National Mall, the intense heat printing their shadows on the back of the walls! The shadows … they seemed to almost breathe, cackle and call Shadows of past acts and blissfully ignorant works of camouflage! The Shadows!! Pain and slavery’s acid venom slathered in them. Shadowed victims eyes, victimized by holo-Costly chattel systems Ghostly, shackled woman and men, exhaling Hiroshima dust decompose and combust, images of atomic corrosion and rust Sliding shadowed visions of imprisoment, shades of confinement The Capitol cast shadows of mass class assasination assignments Embattered, they coughed; shadows on Lincoln’s blackened bust I watched them gather and crawl across the walls… after us! I fled through the red rain, the shadows screaming in dead pain Until my head ached, straining from my brother’s undead weight! They angrily danced to African rhythms and Mayan sing-a-longs I ran amidst the throngs, through shadows of burning synagogues! The grinning-jawed Negatives of deception, false god ‘erections,’ raping and desecrating the virginity of moral insurrection… I collapsed and the shadows attacked, happily snacked and slashed! Feasting on me, jaws actively and rapidly rabidly snapped! I screamed savagly, seeing my arm severed at the elbow joint Leaving strings of ragedy flesh they lept at my chest cavity next! I'm actually 'blessed' to see it all, my brother in unconscious sleep silently being mauled, while his skin begins flaking off in sheets I covered him like toxic debree through the horrible haunting But when I turned …we were alone under a loose sauntering awning… We were covered in white ash. Aries’ unusual beautiful snow fall carpeted the dead and the shades of illusions, chewing my bones off. We were still held in hell, among the walking dead and dying under reddened skies where acid rain and flesh were left colliding. I leaned against a wall, in my own vomit, my brother in his, dreaming about a White Christmas Before all this... …Part ...III...to be continued.. |
I think this is my best OM yet...^^...It's alot better than the one that made the Hall of Fame...
|
God dam...You just keep comin with these...wow man fuck. I loved it...The entire concept and everything...was great from the start to the finish...lol, is it me or is anybody else's mind blank after reading that...? crazy shit penskills...I love it.
|
dope verse now kick it I wanna hear some one rock this in audio
|
very nice.....it was a great read. Loved the vocab you put in this... and it flowed great. Nice wordplay and storytelling. Cant imagine how you write like this... all the fricking time...lol. Well once agian dope peice
|
i hate penskills!....damn you and your dope creative ness.....dope...multies vocab content etc..all dope
|
i think this was another good drop from you, but i think your starting to overuse vocab in places, not much but thats just my opinion.... the vocab was good, and so was the wordplay...other than what i said..... nice, well written.....
|
Very nice piece - it's all been said above.
|
very nice drop..u have some skill for paintin' pictures and tellin' stories nicely..
i'mma start lookin' out for ur posts..very hot peace |
iight...
Unlike half of the people in this thread... Ive read it... So a can give some decent feedback... This is making a good 3 part 'epic'... Lol... Looking forward to part three... Back to this one... Vocabulary in this was like... Whoa... Maybe too much... Like Devvy Boy said... But its not a major problem... That is the only thing that a can see wrong with it... It was a good idea to seperate the verses like you did... Because a solid block of writing wouldnt of suited this piece... You had nice wordplay... Concept is really forming... You say this is your favourite piece... Nah... Might be yours... But mine will always be Journey... Illness... Keep it at this standard and you will be remembered forever... Lol... Pz man... |
Daaaaaamn once again Pen does it again......The sad thing is you dont get the recognition you deserve........The people have no word in this place an if your not down wit the mods crew you aint gonna get in legends (which is bullshit).......But once again your skill truly shows in this piece.........excellent 2nd part! Cant wait for the 3rd man.........drop it soon..........Peace..........
|
^ Thanks for the support...^^
|
Jesus Christ man..............every single OM you do is dope especially this one. And no T West my mind went blank too.
|
Quote:
:thumbup: cool sig~~~ :evilgrin: |
this is the first open mic i've read from you. And it was dope. I was very surpised to see what I saw, Your vocab, though others thought was overdone, I thought it fit very well into this piece, wordplay was excellent when used. And the topic, though heavily played, shined throughout the piece. Very good drop, Hope to see more from you...
And if you could, hit my OM in my siggy, its short and sweet, easy to read |
Quote:
:nono: ..read some of my other stuff..I'm Dope... :evilgrin: |
Tell me again, why arn't you in legends? Anyway, this was even iller than the first. You have the best imagery on the site. The wordplay in this was ill. It was an enjoyable read. Flowed great. This is a great story coming together.
I carried my dying brother on my back, to ‘shoulder the pain’-ill wordplay Hell always looks prettier in Christmas time-ill The grinning-jawed Negatives of deception, false god ‘erections,’ raping and desecrating the virginity of moral insurrection…-Lmao, i had to read this line a few more times. This shit was nice. I'm actually 'blessed' to see it all, my brother in unconscious sleep silently being mauled, while his skin begins flaking off in sheets- Dont get much better. I could just see this in my head(but in my head i see you as that person wearing a rabit suit in your avy...weird) Anyway, this was another ill drop. Keep up the good work. *waits on part 3* |
Ps. do you change your avy everyday, but it's the same person?
|
woah... did someone say legend ???No BUt i did.....lol......someone nominate it, u know ur getting net old when these kids can write way better open mics than u....Lol i wish i could write like this, i read it all and i was very very impressed it was hella dope, ur open mics get doper and doper.....Very Nice
10/10 |
Quote:
:evilgrin: Cool~~~~but I'm already being denied for the fifth time...HOO~~~RAY~~~ :thumbup: |
truthfully too much for me to get into there's no way in hell i could have the time to come up with shit of this level this was hot there's nothin more i could say but that so do ya thing gun.
|
uppity up~~
|
Hmm~~~sleepin....wake up please....^^
|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
|
wack
penskills ur a fuckin cum stain,u criticise every small detail of other ppls open mic's,n then u get credit for a shit rap in which u try n b 2clever,what the fuck is all that about? :cussing:
|
complete....dopeness....
|
return the favor n vote on the battle in my sig please =D
|
yo
whoa whoa whoa whoa,sum prick just replyed n it wasnt me,but it looks like me,neway,i think this rap was dope,maybe slightly 2much complicated vocab but all the same good,u got gud creative mind,keep it up,keep on goin,keep ya head up, :thumbup:
|
^ What was that all about??
|
Penskills voted illest, most consistent Open Mic'er...brilliant...all i can say for feeback is for you to check out my feedback i routinely give to your songs...always the same...Penskills the illest.
|
forgot i already posted....lol....free....po...st.... no banning tho...lmao... you know what im saying!
|
Quote:
:cussing: stop clgging up my thread you faggot!!!(that's my job!!!!!) |
hope ya like
|
Quote:
^ WTF???? Stop leaving gay replies... |
this 3 part epic is coming along very nicely....basically all i have to say is part 2 out did part one and if it keeps up part 3 should be off the hook....although part 2 is definitely one of at least your top 3 open mics written, the imagery and wordplay was outta control...hit me up if you want to collab sometime
|
Say!!!
"To the Capital where kids evaporated on the National Mall, the intense heat printing their shadows on the back of the walls! The shadows … they seemed to almost breathe, cackle and call Shadows of past acts and blissfully ignorant works of camouflage! The Shadows!!" I thought this was the dopest part of all three until... "Sliding shadowed visions of imprisoment, shades of confinement The Capitol cast shadows of mass class assasination assignments" then...verse 2 line 2 kind'of got throw'd a bit..until I remembered this is a dope story. Overall...props!! This second was the dopest (in my humble opinion) The whole thing should be audio though for emphasis!! One |
I liked this one better than the first part. I see you have a story that seems to mix 28 Days Later with Bush behind a red button. Interesting.
The flow was dope and the story line was grasping. I'm enjoying this epic of yours....I'll read part III soon. I, too am writing a two parter, but am less consistent with the writing. The opener was hooking.... "What man renames himself God and claims the axe of Thor, and buries it in his thorax and poverty-scorched hapless shores? Crimson lightning flashed, as acid splashed in smolderin’ rains I carried my dying brother on my back, to ‘shoulder the pain’ The air was suffocated with snow, as white sheets split the sky. Warm flakes of ash, without a storm break, whizzed on by. "… Hell always looks prettier in Christmas time," " Loving it. |
Give This Mcee A Medal, Fuck A Few More Months In Rb This Deserves To Go In Legends Without A Doubt!!! Penskillz For Prezzz! Lol !!!
|
Quote:
^Dope! ..This fianlly made the Legends..I'm happy :) |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:07 AM. |