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Elements of Life(Legends Here I come...LMAo!)
Elements of Life
I pondered my position while sitting near the window watching the rain The pain of rejection shattered my esteem~ Leaving me ashamed The world is aimed at making a class of the most elite Those less fortunate are left to wonder at how they'll live and what they'll eat And it's a shame~ The differences in living costs and oppurtunities given All leading to common death for those without and those within What's really missin'? The race of men is destined to fail Because they don't have the intelligence to truly govern themselves And it's as sad as hell~ Such weeping and gnashing of teeth Political parties burning money in front of the homeless in the streets So I understand the ambivalence some feel toward religion When their natural eyes behold men under the curse of ambition How is grace forgotten in the face of poverty's victims, those sickened By the unbalance of happiness and every fragile mind's vision Hope is the religion of less priveleged souls who behold The countenance of gods who turn their ears from prayers in the cold I hope you find your life's reward at the bottom of a lie In believing you'd find peace and rest while ignoring others cries The miracle of this life is how in the world we survived For this long..... Does the sun truly shine without bias and does the rain fall on all I'd love to see mankind unified under anything but a threat But that possibility is unlikely and Babel's position is kept So here we stand, the multitude of man~ Held in contempt By ourselves, only knowing for sure that this life makes no sense... |
dope peice....
very dope...nice flow structure etc......im gonna miss ya pen..pz |
ill flow pen...8.5/10 very nice!!
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I liked this, you're never stretched to find concepts.Thats what I like about you, the concepts always 'somewhat' recycled, but you add your ingredients to it and make it fresh. Iknow it's your style not to concentrate on the rhyning so thats what gives this a short story feel. I was really feeling a couple of lines. Very dope, speakin up for the little people and global unity, always gives ya points in my book.Anyway this was ill, you know it.
check out my sig please |
quite good.........<<returning the breakdown.......lol
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I tell U wot son...U prob will be a legend
On this ite soon cos u constantly continue to drop ill open mics that always out do The last one that U did...And I find that Extra-ordinary mate....Sounds like I'm dick ridin or somethin but its the truth..... Wordplay on point.....9.5/10....Bladow! Any way....ILL piece...Nothin wrong wit it |
this was pretty dope...vocab was very well written....lines seemed thought out...
consistant on the topic....like your meta4's and wordplay to....this peaice had meaning....liked it....very clean....good strucutre and flowed well... dope keep droppin |
Dope, good my man, .. very nice =) .. everythign was on point, loved the content, .. good one
M!sf!ts.! |
Yo how much damage can you do witta Pen? hehe j/k........Danm Pen this was a dope piece indeed.........very emotional.........very discriptive an everything else that comes along with every piece you drop....your topic was great as well...you never seem to have a problem wiith comin up with something new........great job......someday youll make it Pen.........someday................
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Dope...
Keep it up... Good everything... Dont make me type hoe... You know what a think anyway... Pz... |
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^Very gay reply...from...very gay guy... :thumbup: |
Pen skills...would u mind telling me what pen do you use? Maybe that'll help me write better. Dam you and your skills...You must teach me this emotional stuff.
Anyways, opinion on the piece...like everything this guy does...I love it. The title fits the piece...but I dunno...it just sounds like it could be better...You have an imaginative writing style...a better title would be more consise for you. Such as "me". Anyways, thats jsut how I feel...plz return the favour and review my peice called "my journal" |
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^I was going to title this "Elements of a Legend" :thumbup: |
Very cool, my friend.
Pretty much flawless. Great vision, great message. Loved the imagery in the first line. Kinda thought you went to all message after that. But nonetheless, this was great, Pen. Why does that one cat say he'll miss you? Where ya going that's taking you from here? Peace |
Pen uses me =)
M!sF!tS Niggggga!<!{!}!!@# |
this was hot.. flow was steady but best of all the words were true, its fucked up how some people live compared to others worrying about shit everyone else takes for granted.. you did a good job of imagery and decent vocab, nice steady flow to help along the ideas making them very clear and easy to make out, nice job on this piece, peep this joint in return..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113859 |
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^I love this guy! in none-homosexual way! M!sf!ts!!!! What!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Dope, anymore questions? u probably won't get in2 legends though becuz obviously they are retarded or you would already be there.
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^this is the most accurate reply EVER! |
Uppin..for the first time...^^
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good good...hello pen you're not me are you?
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No~I'm me~ |
no! i'm me
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^HOMO! |
Lmao..
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HOMO! You should be a Legend.You are very good. |
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WTF???? Tell that to the clowns that worships you your gay ass! |
this was a nice piece...the content was really really dope.
It managed to highlight so many things wrong with society without going in depth about very many...I can't tell if thats good or bad, but it was nice to read none the less. Your flow was alright, but it was a little choppy in places...you have really nice vocab...not so much that it clogs the piece, but enough that you don't look like an idiot. My only suggestion would be to develope your own style...something that someone can read and tell that it is you, just by how it is written. good piece =) |
^Thanks Maven/....
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dope dope and yes, dope! Legends watch out, Penskilly's about! you go kid! doing yourself proud..
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^Dope :thumbup: |
soufsider
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yo im soufsider u???? |
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^WTF???? |
Dope piece here Pen .. Very dope .. Nicely written .. Dope content .. Pretty much nothing was wrong with it in my opnion .. Im likin' your stuff man .. Thank Edicius for tellin' me to peep ur collab wit him .. That's wat made me peep ur other stuff .. LoL .. Anyway .. Keep writin' man .. One
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This is probably the best open mic i have ever read in my life......
First off, flow was flawless... not once did i read this piece through and have ti come out sounding weird.... never fell off.... vocab... what can i say.... i didnt understand a total of 3 words here... thats never happened before in an open mic that ive read, so im happy... just learnt some new words... when it came to imagery and wordplay, this was second to none... i love how you flipped a played topic into something completely fresh and interesting... makes me think about the world The only thing that could be improved is the rhyming... no multies... but that doesnt matter, i'd rather read this piece of beautiful storytelling than have it exchanged for more rhymes... keep up the excellent work 9.999999/10 |
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:thumbup: Dope :laugh: |
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