HeXeN Vs T-Storm....Topical...
 

ok
 

aiight chkin in.................................verses due when homie???????????????????/

by wedensday....

Suicide
 

gonna give this a try!!!!!1
 

suicidal thoughts,mercilas and manic,no way out from this surpression
judgements of misconceieved ill conceptions to form depression
state of mind dessolate,dark with no way out at the end
a world of hatred,heart,body and mind on suspend
envy,greed,rage and desire..inspire to close-out this life
tall i stood surrounded by bright lights everywhere
so open to feelings..the cold air through my hair
shaking,trembling, my body in a state of convulse
sweat pouring,white as a ghost,i cud feel my heart pulse
thoughts through my mind..not of fear...but loss
why this,why happiness demands such pricely-costs
as i gazed down..the water swirls beneath me
just one more step untill my maker would be forced to meet me
world seems to stop..one last breath and hopefull prayer
open my arms,take the drop..aiming for a bata life in gods care

uppin 4 votes..

upp

I was extreamly impressed by both of your battles, t storm I thing you made it sound more a poem and creative towards some bits, but that was really amazing I liked it alot. You got some talent both of you dont stop.

upp

Upin 4 Votes
 

uuuuuuuuuuuuppppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnn nnnn^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Preponderate of suicide is hot as it is cold but blocked like masonry,
Conesentrate motions at blade point consider left over basically,
Reiterate feelings run high the trail of thought quicker than blaze,
Matsatbate "wrong and Write" witnesses stand, stair eyes glazed,

^^^ Aiyo...this is so contrived it's not even funny..this is one of the easiest topics to write to. And, you sound like a robot. are you human? The vocab was there. BUt, where was the emotion?



suicidal thoughts,mercilas and manic,no way out from this surpression
judgements of misconceieved ill conceptions to form depression
state of mind dessolate,dark with no way out at the end
a world of hatred,heart,body and mind on suspend
envy,greed,rage and desire..inspire to close-out this life

^^^^ this is more like it...i mean, here you have emotion. Sure, it lacks the "big words"--2 cent words--of Hexen's piece. But, you piece actually connects with the reader on an emotional level more.


RHyme Tie
Vocab Hex
FLow Tie
Imagery Tstorm
Subject T Storm

Vote: T Storm

ok..w/e man....ur opinon..i respect it..uppin

upin
 

upin.............................................. .................................................. ......

upin
 

upin 4 honest votes............................................. ..................................

fuck..upp

damm slept on like W OAH!! upp

upp

upp

both of these topical verses were pretty good...hexen your vocabulary was as good as it could have been but i felt like you sliupped of the subject once or twice...you had a good structure and flow to the whole piece and it clearly showed rawness and deep emotion...alot of thought was put into your verse and made it a good topical verse...

t-storm i honestly thought you wouldnt do any good at topicals but your verse changed my mind...your vocabulary was good too not near hexen's but still decent...you stayed on topic throughout the whole verse and it made more of an impact on the storyline...your multies and metaphors were very good too and the flow was consistent...and your imagery was really good and well thought out also

flow:Hexen
vocabulary:Hexen
imagery:T-storm
followed the topic more: T-storm
which i enjoyed more:T-storm
wordplay:Hexen
Multies:T-storm
Overall: T-storm

i think his verse was felt much mroe because of the imagery he put you right into the story and u could picture almost all of what he was saying...hexen you described suicide and the pain which was a good way to go but the imagery lacks in the way you approached this topical...good verses from both

vote: T-storm


~!1!~

would appreciate feedback and honest votes on the battles in my sig thx

upp

upin
 

UPIN.......^^^^

get sum honest votes in....
drop a link .....return an honest vote

upp

imagery storm by far
flow tie both were good
vocab hexen he had mad vocab
ok but im gona give it 2 storm 4 better imagery she also had good flow but he needs 2 work on his vocab and structure a lil bit
hexen ur verse would have killed him if had more imagery everything elses was nice urvocab was excellent flow was good and structure so work on ur imagery

erm...damm

Its a hard one to vote for becouse they was both strong lyrics, N-Site was right about the whole robot thing in Hexens verse, but it took some reading to comprehend his statements. but once I got it I understood wat he was talkin about. Hexen goes from talkin about the actual act of suicide and how it feels while Ur thinkin of it and then goes on to explain shit like wat Ur thinking could be a possative of it. Expressing that Ud gain new life from death but it would be unhappy. Although, I know I would'nt be able to write someshit like that now, I still believe that NSite waz rite about the Emotions thing.

T-Storm
Storm uses a varage of emotions in the middle of his verse, this is his main hook in my eyes. He kept its complicated enough for those that dont pay attention wouldnt understand it but simple enough so that once U do, Ud be like damn, thatz deep and shit.
He explains how he feels not just emotionaly, but also in the matter that he explains his surroundings by using his feelings. This was concluded from the whole wind thru the hair thing.

All in all, they both are great. even though I've never actually seen a topic battle befor, this one open my eyes to something Im not exactly willing to get my ass kicked at. I'll stick to regulur battles and leave this to ya'll.

other dudes banned HEX............................................... ..................