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TRASE(I.I) VS Hoops(HWC) topical
aight this is my frist topical ever so check in a day before tha due date tha due date is this wenesday at 12:00 eastern time 25 lines max 25 lines min and tha topic is just commited a homicide good luck pc |
o yea i forgot u gotta have atleast 250 post's to vote and no crew votes pc
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Good luck to both...interesting topic..............
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Checkin In it was a normal night just like any other ma baby doing dishes with tha brillo~ all of a sudden in my head somethin snaped i threw her face in tha pillow~ started to go for tha 12 gague i pointed tha barrel strait at her head~ unknowingly in this burst of rage i pulled tha trigga things went blood red~ i had tha vidieo camra going while i shot her in tha head i kept reframen um~ i watched myself cock tha hammer and tha slug went threw her crainium~ jokingly to myself i said ouch but i needed to get my prints off tha couch~ wasnt a forensic scientist so i had my doubts so a lighter and gas i doused~ see to pull this off u gotta have a fine mind and walk a fine line u cant lose~ see i think it just wasnt my time i tucked in tha 9 suddenly i here blues~ i was almost outta tha house it was in flames suddenly i here voices names~ and k9's that are trained my mind insaine no way out so in tha house i remain any minute cop's comen in but i dont trip i calmy just load up tha clip~ 5 shot's rung out threw my flesh they rip internaly blood trickles down my lip i quietly some how got in tha light i took two in chest and 3 in tha knee~ i rember 5 comen in tha house had 5 shells 2 hit tha wall that means i got 3~ so i riped my shirt to tha wounds i tighten i'm fightin then cop's fade my mind see my mind was exiditen sight faden from tha smoke it was carbon dioxcide now dieing didnt matter i knew i would anyway from tha bullet to my bladder i walked out tha door ina gun fight tha bullets hiting me only made me madder some how i managed to kill em all in a big gasp and fall i got in tha car~ and on to tha tar didnt know where i was goin just that it was very far~ i used my cellphone to call in some plane tickets it was as cold as a fridge~ i dont know why 17 hours of str8 driving i could see tha airport over tha ridge all of a sudden tha tire blows i swirve but i smash and plunder over tha bridge |
yo hoop's is it possible that u could drop today i droped last night i want to get this shit rollin i'm goin to bed rite now but please drop today pc and good luck homie
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yo trase
ok u asked me for some feedback...
so here it is...... i`ll vote on this battle after hoops drops... it was a normal night just like any other ma baby doing dishes with tha brillo~ all of a sudden in my head somethin snaped i threw her face in tha pillow~ ^^why did u throw her in the pillow?????? started to go for tha 12 gague i pointed tha barrel strait at her head~ unknowingly in this burst of rage i pulled tha trigga things went blood red~ i had tha vidieo camra going while i shot her in tha head i kept reframen um~ i watched myself cock tha hammer and tha slug went threw her crainium~ jokingly to myself i said ouch but i needed to get my prints off tha couch~ wasnt a forensic scientist so i had my doubts so a lighter and gas i doused~ see to pull this off u gotta have a fine mind and walk a fine line u cant lose~ see i think it just wasnt my time i tucked in tha 9 suddenly i here blues~ i was almost outta tha house it was in flames suddenly i here voices names~ and k9's that are trained my mind insaine no way out so in tha house i remain any minute cop's comen in but i dont trip i calmy just load up tha clip~ 5 shot's rung out threw my flesh they rip internaly blood trickles down my lip i quietly some how got in tha light i took two in chest and 3 in tha knee~ i rember 5 comen in tha house had 5 shells 2 hit tha wall that means i got 3~ so i riped my shirt to tha wounds i tighten i'm fightin then cop's fade my mind see my mind was exiditen sight faden from tha smoke it was carbon dioxcide now dieing didnt matter i knew i would anyway from tha bullet to my bladder i walked out tha door ina gun fight tha bullets hiting me only made me madder some how i managed to kill em all in a big gasp and fall i got in tha car~ and on to tha tar didnt know where i was goin just that it was very far~ i used my cellphone to call in some plane tickets it was as cold as a fridge~ i dont know why 17 hours of str8 driving i could see tha airport over tha ridge all of a sudden tha tire blows i swirve but i smash and plunder over tha bridge ok..u had gud multies... gud structure/flow.... gud imagery.. only thing i would say is 1-up ya vocab make it more complex 2-try explain feelings/colours/surroundings/atmosphere etc to make it a deeper verse n try to explain 1 thing b4 u move onto another.. like in ur first line...explain what caused u to throw her..i jus think it captures the reader more if u go into that bit more detail b4 u sayin u shot her... anyway..overall it was a very good spit.... basically jus make it more complex hoops gona hve to drop hard to beat that tho..props |
rofl wtf ? when did i get entered into a battle.. am i missing something here ???? i wasent at home yesterday i think ineed to be filled in rofl...
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checkin in..Sorry I didnt see this till 15 mins ago.. I just did mine also.. Here you go..
it was late,remember that night,burned to an image.. clear as day,unmistakably bright,understood like visons.. people said I went crazy, but to me I was considerably sane.. focused on my life saving,not using my contemperary brain.. there I stood, one bullet away from death or lost faith.. full of blood, boiling for this mans life im bout to waste.. where is my god now??, do i hear in the back of my mind.. ticking is time,pulling this trigger my life is inclined.. "You have five minutes.well now 4 to kill this man or your dead".. through my mind went the minutes and seconds I spent with this man.. to kill him is to kill life.After hes gone I have no reason to live.. and I know theres no justification to explain honestly what i did.. I squeezed the cold metal, the motion triggered sparks and enragement.. the aftermath of the shot, left me empty-him face down on the pavement.. such a distasteful engagement, but what is done, was meant to be.. felt his eyes on my back, like they were peircing through me.. in shock, I grab the extra pistol attached to my holster.. start deliverin pain, they had ordered it from a poster.. no time to react, they get hit with bullets to the sides.. as i kill em on by one,n a guilty concience is my mind.. undercover were we parted, a fallen comrad to the game.. i killed my own partner, for ever debted is my name.. last bullet in the clip,one last action to be made.. traded my life for his,righting a wrong for a change.. pointed death at my head,relived the concience from my brain.. ^Me and my partner were undercover, they found out he was an officer,suspected i was also.only way to prove to them i wasent is to kill my own partner.....i snapped. Killed him, the villans and my self.. |
depth....hoops
multies....both wordplay...prob hoops vocab...trace imagery...trace very close to call...honestly both very good....ima hve to go with trace.. simply because i enjoyed his more...it caught me more... no hate...jus a tite battle.... |
why no poll???????????????????????????????????????
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you might not have enuff posts.. cause you nneed either 500 posts.. or 5 wins to be able to vote.. =/.. thanks for leavin feedback tho
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okay that coulda been 1 vote for me but u need 250 post's to vote anyway uppin
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uppity up up.. :)
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LOOOOOOl...doesnt matter how many posts you have on the limit
they have to have 5 wins...LMAO |
hoops won with ease. trace... boo. your lines were about twice as long as they should be, you had no flow, your vocab was blah, your stuff sounded so simple. it made no sense either. what im with my girl and suddenly i go REAL ULTIMATE POWER on her ass and just flip out and blow her brains out? wtf, this isn't incredible hulk.
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good look on voting..i would drop an honest vote in yours, but you have no battles going on i dont think... uppin on this... leave link and we will take looks at your battles.. much appreciated
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i will be battling daclassic (crew battle) soon. just vote on that.
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uppin for some votes in this bitch.............................
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uppin for more votes.. leave links and we will return the votes..
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uppinon this battle.. leave links and we will hit them up with votes..
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uppin for more votes.. leave links and we will return the votes..
yo hoop's nice shit even though i beat ya hahaha fa real though i did it's all good though u just gotta elevate haha pc |
^lol.. cutt that ego down bruh.. let the voters decide who own.. 1-0 me.. uppin for more votes.. we will return looks into your battles if you leave links
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uppin again for some votes.. leave links man.. dont sleep :)
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uppin this shit on the real yo!!. leave links and we will hit rm back.. dont sleep ya'll
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hoops you gotta vote on pplz shit they aint finna vote LOL
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i have been...istopped, lately,because i aint been on as much..ivoted oon 3 battles yesterday lol^..souppin people..and leave links
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Uppin For Sum Votes Leave A Link We'll Hit It Up..
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uppin for some more votes :)..leave links and we'll get back at you
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come on ya'll.. dont sleep yo.. leave links, and we will return the honest votes..
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good shit from both of you but i cant vote, Me an Trase in tha same crew.
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Yo i think Hoops er Calamity got this i mean i aint being funny TRASE but ur flow was stretched ta fuck and the flow in places was off a lil in places and hard to read, however that applies to both as i only really like verses in black or a colour which is clear but anyway. TRASE came good in places and had sum ok punches but Hoops also had the same, i think hoops came a lil harder and structure was less stretched then TRASES.
Also i think hoops had better personals and was also using better wordplay than TRASE in my opinion. V/Hoops |
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uuppppiin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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trase: your verse had a couple things hotter than hoops which were: the imagery that was off the chain it was so real like i was the person doin the shottin that made your verse hott...the topic itself you worked better than hoops but i feel you fell off a couple times but stayed mostly consistent...vocabulary was bad tho and so was the w/p and the multies...structure could have been better also
hoops: i was really feeling your verse it was all around hott...i think you edged this battle out with your structure w/p multies and vocab....very good topical piece...you stayed on topic for the most part and fell off only a couple times you didnt have as much imagery as trase but your multies and vocab made up for that i think that hoops edged this battle out with his vocab multies and w/p i think if trase would have used more of those he would have won very good battle vote: hoops ~!1!~ |
yo thankz for tha honest vote flow uppin for more.
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yea thanks for voting guys.. drop a vote, and leave some links so we can aid to lcose some battles..
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uppin on this battle.. only need two more votes.. drop a vote and leave a link
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Trase-Orginal Verse Pretty good for a first Time Though
but you was close and I liked it so keep doing more Hoops-Close also and you had a lil more Vocab and more and Structure ws good but lack in metaphores v/Hoops |
^^thankz for tha vote uppin ..............................
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yea good look^.. uppin for the last vote.. leave a link
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