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*Smile*
*Smile (The Eyes Of A Young African Teenager)* (Inspired by everyone having rough times......) (title Inspired by a lot of people....) everyday I have a excruciating struggle in life and at school~ I live in a all-white community and discriminating me is the rule~ so once I wake up I put on my eye-liner and my favourite lipstick~ I try to put a *smile* on my face and think of the true politics~ Mr. Mandela, Ms. Parks both overcame the hate in they lives~ pain, anger and other things pile up in my brain's archives~ *school bus comes* I get on and people stare ... Am I different?~ it's like they never saw a African before...Was I born a accident?~ I arrived at school and made my way to physical education~ last pick on a team...no one likes me thats a big complication~ I get shoved to the floor and they calling me a porch monkey~ then call me a illiterate and I say "fuck it" cuz I'm not a monkey~ after that class time went by so quickly then school finally ends~ after this day resided I lost all my remaining goddamn confidence~ that very night I cried myself to sleep in the fuckin' darkness~ in my dreams my mental suffering fades away in evanesce~ while still in my dream I see my ancestors farming on their land~ but than a KKK member came struck them no time to understand~ right before my relative died I swear he looked straight at my face~ and mouthed the words "fight for your rights don't be a disgrace"~ a split second later I woke up.....and inside I contained a lions pride~ and I shouted " respect my entire race let that be known worldwide~ ^^^wow I put emotion in there so I need no hate............................ and to all the white people on this site don't take this offensive......... I wasn't saying that all white people are like that I know there are nice people of that race & I respect that and if you do take that offensively Im sorry for the misunderstanding....................... and people note I'm not African/Jamaican........... and also this was made because I wanted to do a topical on this and I wrote this right now since no one will accept my bitchslapped threads at all............................................... ............... (NOTE: This was originally posted in Open Mic but it only got 2 replies so I am trying my chances on poetic stuff.........) (ALSO I AM NOT A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) !~rate it~! __/10 |
nice nice
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uppin.....need more feedback people...........................
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good shit man i liked it
forsaken comen str8 outta canada lol jp good shit |
no thank you's????
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fine be that way haha jp yo forsaken u in tha tag tourny??
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^^^THANK YOU HOMEY!!!!! and no I'm not in the tag tourney but im in the punchline league!!!!!!!!! and Canada rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! reppin' my country to the fullest peeps!~ |
damn...most def feelin dis...hott...and deep a hell of alot of emotion in dis...keep it comin...peace
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this is hot and true shows a lot of emotions i give it a hundred percent
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^^^thanks to you both...if ya like it so much nominate me!!!!!!!!!!!!
for best poet of july!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=133865 |
i like it, forsaken, u get props cuz i ain't a poet fa shit but when u speak ya heart it comes out as poetry..
i was feelin' that seriously.. forsaken, ~wun~ |
^^^ I was typing from the heart fasho I respect everybody
who don't talk shit for no apparent reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the feedback! |
uppin 4 some feedback people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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das deep i liked it cuz u put a hell of alot of emotion into this piece tite 1
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that i an amazing poem i really enjoyed reading it keep up the good work boi
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thanks.....I appreciate all the feedback ya'll posted much love.....
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this is a good piece, you did have a lot of emotion, and it told a story as well, the words were like images, nice shit man, good job.. and keep it up
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thanks for the positive feedback much appreciation...................................
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ya most def homz,ya painted a picture with ya words,i also liked how ya dint use a crappy vocab,tight ,mad props keep writin from the heart....im reppin canada,nice ta see ya mention that...........
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Hah, I guess it's because I'm white and I live in a predominately white area that I don't really feel it. I thought it could've been a lot better. The rhymes and lines seemed kinda childish.
"Mr. Mandela, Ms. Parks both overcame the hate in they lives~ pain, anger and other things pile up in my brain's archives~" I saw what you were going for here, but it still seemed like a sacrificial rhyme. Write some more, elevate some, and I think you'll be good. |
sorry if I offended you I was basing it off the past but I wasn't
trying to hate or anything ya know>>? |
Nah, you didn't offend me. It takes a lot to offend me. :P
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uppin for my work to be seen.............................................. ..........
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Wow Mayn...
Thats One That Touches The Heart... Great Concept, Content... Sounded ALITTLE To Much Like A Rhym... Thats My Only Critisism... But Thats A Strech, Cuz It Really Was Just About Perfect... Real Nice Drop, 9/10 (Just Cuz I Dont Give 10's)... ~One~ |
fuckin' smile sleepers^^^^^I could become poet of july :thumbup:
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uppin sleepers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I thought I responded to this a while ago-- either way, this was a decent drop you used pretty good imagery here.
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uppin 4 feedback.......................................... ...................
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one i aint know you was a bitch.......well i knew you was a bitch but not a female :laugh: your poem is ok for a sucka .the only black kid in a all white school?!!!they aint suppose to be disrespecting you they suppose to be scared to death of you.damn you softer then i thought :laugh:
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^what are you a herb??????????????????????????^ the concept was about a african teenage girl in a all-white community fuck outta here if you don't understand shit kid. :gfy: F.Y.I.: I'm not a girl dumbass. |
Very nice piece all around, you have a nice understanding of the written word and use that understanding well. Real nice drop, i'd give it a 10/10.
I'd apreciate it if you could return the favor... http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=139151 |
damn that long shit but as i said your peoms are godly lol
damn you got good words and ya structure is awsome nice drop nice poem you good man |
uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp pppppp
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mmmmm, very nice, flow was very good!
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uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuppppppp thanks^
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god damn this peice is old lmao this come out when i was trase...:)
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yeah...but it shows i was a god even when i was a newb:)
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lmao hahahaha lmao rofl
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lmao open mic look what i found:)
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oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooo
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