Dis is Deep shit , Check it Out
 

helpless kids screamin and jus imagin seein dis shit happen an in instant n then goin home n remmberin dis shit
dreamin at nite of ppl screamin fitin n cryin throwin n screamin wit insults and fists flyin
chirstmas eve who woulda thought ligour struck da mind and then 2 parents fought,
a 5 year old wit no idea wats goin down thought daddy loved mommy y is she layin on the ground
cryin tears pourin from the eyes of a broken mother she wont say it but u no she wants another
shes tired of his shit n wants to end it but she wont say cus the kids will not understand it
she crys eyes black cops cum he lies says we never get into fites trys to hide and turns off da lites
we go home theres a knot on her hed she kissed my hed n tells me to go to bed
the lights from the christmas tree wont let me sleep i get up for a sec n i hear da fone ring
its him do i anwer with love or hate its like the love for him stayed there but it came late
i dont feel da shit no more n if i saw him in life i wud not shake his hand or give em a hug where was he in my life?
5 years old run down aprtment dont get shit no fone callls jus wen he needs sumthin or has to baby sit
he says sry i dont wana hear it i hate da man i wont fear it
i no my feelins n i no wats deep down inside me n wen he thinks hes stong he can fight me
mentally he tried to brake me down but im still standin up str8 n i dont care that hes not around
turned 6 party there was no show sed hes tire got flat he cudnt go
7 party he wasnt there sed he was dowtown workin late n his boss dint care
8 n 9 party both there was no dad came by a year later n sed happy birthday ur now 10
the next 5 years was the worst in my life he went to a bar n met his future wife
they have kids n were in the past all my good memories went by fast
there was bout 1 and 2 of them does he think of me? if so he doesnt cum to c me
does he sit back at nite n think shud i call? prolly not cus i havent talked to him since 2 years from fall
does he look the same i cudnt answer the question at first i was stressin
i believed him once but i leanred my lesson believin him is like askin for depression
15 years a life no one will get untill i say this shit n let ppl get the affect n soak in the after affect n tell themm how evry nite i wud sweat cus i was afraid to let my mom n dad sleep cus i wud hear swings i hate u n ill divorce yo ass u wana bet
n guess she wont the bet cus 1 year lata there was no parents it was one parent if i won a game i cudnt share it
i told 1 person n i dint evn tell the man of the relationship cus he wansnt evn there to tell shit to
he was helpin his otha kids now i aint jelous but he wud say wed b friends id b one of the fellas
but i dont want a friend i want a father i dont even try to tell him shit cus y shud i bother?
but i cant b botherd cus evn he wasnt fathered he had no money he one dollered it
but thats to reason to leave me hangin n questionin his love he must think that wen im wit him i have fun
is it fun naw if it ws fun wud i b ritin shit on the notepad of my computer complain that i got no dad?
fuck pl jus see me as a normal kinda guy but u no at funerals i dont eva cry
wen a gurl fucks me over i dont cry but i think of havin no father n a tear falls from my eyes,
tells u sumthin dont it? wish i cud jus get da memories out but i cant jus disown it
i gota keep them to remind me of da hard times n sumtimes i wish i dint go throght those times so in othas ppl eyes they may see me as jus one of the guys
but wat they dont realize if iv ben thorugh harder shit then ne of those guys
worst part about evrythin i have his name so wen they ask me i say it n my mind trigas the thought of him n it gets hard sumtimes to say i have his name
n den he wants to make it seem liek he prud of it n he asks me wat i think i wud say i dont give a shit
y dont u ask ur wife u wanted to spoon her i swear to god i hate bein a junior
cant wait till im the rite age to legalize my new name that wud put him in a state of rage but at least they wont compare me to him n theyll relaize were not the same
n then ill b satisifed cus ill no that im different n far from eachother n i dont want him to do wat he did to me to my brother
wen he dies ill get a call sayin hes gone n i wont shed 1 tear ill stand up on the pedatsal n look at his dead body n scream "U WERE NEVER THERE!"

Wow Good Poem But Too Damn Long Thats A Mini Book Nigga!!still I Liked The Story Check My Shit Out And Tell Me What You Think.

DAMN KIDD...dat shyt was deep...sorry that u neva had a dad man...but dat was one hell of a poem...dat shyt was long as hell...but it was good...it says alot how u feel and dat is what poetry is all about...return da favor hit up one of my drops...peace

yo dawg thx for da feedback, ill hit yo spots up, a yo yall tell me wat u think of dis lokin for more feedback bout this

leme get more feedback on dis dawg, ill return da favor iite 1 love

yo stop sleepin leme get sum feedback on dis, lets go it will only take a minute or so

:shocked: WOW! that reminds me of not ever having a father, I was just a one night stand, I don't know who the fuck he is, if he's alive or dead, shit, I should go to bed, lol, bye.

Nah, that WAS deep, I was really feeling the absent dad parts, and I've only ever had 1 b'day party, can't remember it tho', I'm now 17 and I don't know who my dad is, I live at home wid my mum and she's had boyfriends and husbands, but still, a step-dad isn't a dad, there's no family day-out cos it's not a family really.

Very well done, I bet you felt good when you wrote that, finally get it off your chest and into words, or feelin' down 'cos it brought back memories, anyway, this thread is getting long now, bye :shocked:

yo Battle Freak yea it did kinda feel good, but yo let me get more feedback on dis if u can relate and tell me wat u think iite 1 love

Ok then, I thought the poem was a good lenghh, not short like My dad wasn't there do I look like I care, nah, that'd be square . It shows you were putting your heart & soul into it, that's what rap should be about, saying something, wether it's you or world affairs, that was brill.

Do I think it could improve?, maybe, I don't think so, I think it's a very good and compelling story, and that's what i like in rap songs, probably why I prefer Em's more powerful song's like The Way I Am and Cleanin' Out My Closet.

My 'constructive criticism' could improve tho', I just think it's good, good length, kinda brings a tear to a teens eye, nearly shedded a tear, but didn't, although it is kinda a heart-felt story, good work, very good work.

jeez, my thread's are long, lol.

its all good dawg an i hear u n yea omost of all my sons like my power fu songs r like tha i havent posted ne cus i duno i dont want my shit critized bad but imma post su up i got sum otha stuff in open mic if u want to peep that shit, but uh yea thx for da feedback, im still uppin for ore feedback tho cmon can i get some?

its was good but it was written in a story kinda thing cause it didnt have no flow but it was deep keep doin yo thing

yo thx for da feedback and fuck u L.A who da fuck is u fukin punk, man u lost 2 times in 3 battles fukin faggot, u wana see me bitch u guna b da one bithces soon watch, yo leme get some more feedback on dis, iite 1 love

WOW thats some hard sh*t and i really like it! I'm a 14 year old girl and i haven't seen my dad in 3 years! He doesn't even call. Thanx alot now i'm not the only one, so if u got Yahoo Messager IM me sumtime my ID is kkbug4u

iite babygurl i will sumtimes, but ey look leme get some more feedback on this!!!

structure needs work but ya i liked it, it was really deep cool shit dude.

shew man it was long, but it was a damn good story i loved it man

thx yall 4 da love still wanr feedback

tha was good. i jus wish it wouldve flowed better, but I liked it a lot. I am going through things with my mother (which is sumtimes a rarity) and my father even though he's in my life(I live with him, and his wife and my other 3 sisters) so I can relate on certain levels.
Check my poem "higher" in the open mic. it's dated 8/9/04 and read the explanation for my signature called " Most Intellects Do Not Believe In God" in the Lyricist Lounge. I posted it today
~1~
Selah(think about it)

I was feelin it... it was deep yo...