DV8 vs Willy Wonka
 

Battle Rules:

UNLIMITED Lines
IF YOU DO NOT EXPLAIN YOUR VOTE DON'NT BOTHER VOTING
EXPLAIN VOTES N WE WILL RETURN THE FAVOURundefinedundefined
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting...............this is a topical.......FAMILY.....

GOOD LUCK LET THE BEST VERSE WIN......

Minimum posts to vote: 200

Check in by: 08-02-04 at 03:02 PM

Must drop verse in 180 minutes after check in.

DV8 has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-02-04 02:32 PM.

Willy Wonka has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-02-04 02:36 PM.

Checking in

..................(Have to have 50 characters)...................

TOPICAL…FAMILY

INTRO:SENARIO


Ring””ring””I can’t accept your apology
Im sorry mommy your dead to me
Daddy why don’t we talk to grandma…..?
You really wanna kno??
Ya..
Ok sit down im gonna tell you a story when I was young I said:


Im leaving this situation, its much more feasible than staying,
I know im your creation, but your rules aren’t reasonable for obeying,
I think the alcoholic drink has ruined your motherly maternal instincts,
You only thank me when holding your hair from the pueck in the sink,
It’s a bitter taste, without mama’s love I feel unwanted and out of place,
These are just extra wounds for a man who’s never seen his fathers face,

So grandma was bad??? Well yes honey just a drunk n depressingly sad!

My mama freebased money so I could have a high school tuition,
From my stepfathers home he’s quick to always hand me an eviction,
Or a punch 2 the head and face, I continuesly to find a quiet place,
I swore he was’nt anything, but you said he meant more to you then I did,
As I cried, I hope you die kid was what I viewed through my busted eyelids,
I was at war with who was supposed to be my life bringer,the ultimate giver,
The all knower, my nourisher and most of all my aspiration encourager,

So understand ’little 1”my life was sad without a moma that did’nt nerture,
I met you 5 years ago, so im letting you know what it is to torture,
Your smile capitivated my soul that was tattered and miserable,
I knew I could change our lives for the future if I was honourable,
I was young but I knew that I wanted to raise you as my own,
Cause I never wanted your precious little heart to feel alone,
And although there is no biological tie between use that binds,
There ain’t no blood test that can tell me you ain’t mines,
And Its never been kept a secret who your real father is,
But that bastard don’t even know what your favourite colour is
When you have a bad dream, you scream my name not his,
Sometimes I wounder if you found me or if I found you,
Your lifes already been hard enough, I see the strength in you,
So you see our life and immediate family is priority,
Im here for support n I’ll never try ta come done like authority,
The older you get, the closer we get, its actually hard for me,
Cause I gotta realistically look upon tomorrow n be bothered,
I dread the first time your mad at me and say “your not my real father”


Dady ill never say that…..no honey..its just a proven fact…..


hope ya'll liked it....pc...DV8

Kinda sloppy cuz im short on time, but here.

November 16th, born another poor kid in the streets
Dont know wether this dream life was given with me
Or was I just a curse who tore hus-band and wife
No more love cuz my mothers work? It was dam tite
Its like, why would this life be given for this strife?
God, sets light on rich but shits on the pov-rish types
My mother cant afford to support lives under welfair
My brother stands on the cornor, lines another self fair
Twins, but within the world my skin crawls at his site
In the skin site we're similar sorts, who'll fall in life
But I have plans, seperate the brands of man and land
And I'm tired of these fake hands, I'll land on my OWN DAM FEET!
As my family has no time in these days of dieing dreams
Grasp my brothers wrist and try to find his face but he's a dieing breed

*Cops at the door speaks*
"Is there a kid here, 5-9 high dark eyes who lives near?
He's a caucasion kid, wear-in roc-a-wear
This young man is a suspect in the murder of a Mr. Watkasan
He's among a grand crack down on crime and he must be captured mam."

*I come to the door*
Me-"Whats Going on, what the fuck get your hands off."
The cop holding on to my arm as I struck and desend off
Cop-"You're coming with me, your wanted for one count murder, first degree
You're one of the key suspects in a shooting, you're rights are seazed."
He dragged me with back at the floor to the car
Preseaded to grab my head and push it rather hard
Sitting in the back, tattered seats and contemplating why
Spitting at the backs of cops hats looking like what I hate about ghetto lives
Got to prison and with in a few hours a had visit
Came to spot at the glass the vision of mirror image in it
And he, he who is a part of me passing back thoughts like telepathy
This is crazy, my brothers crime my punishment, never let grieve my family on acounta me.

short on time??you said 3 hours....but you got it up anyways..i thought it was ok...a bit off topic though..but goo'luck willy....

Thanks man, na cuz I got offline cuz I had to go take my baby sister to the park and didnt know how much time was left so I keystyled real quick to be shure I didnt miss any deadline

This was feedback posted for DV8
 

THATS FUCKIN CRAZY. ASIde from da story ur flow and word play kept me on track to ur point n pace.

that last post was supposed to b for wonka. but dv8s verse was very powerful tho ur topic was general ur verse was definitly unique.

ps. how da fuck did u figure mr. washington beat me.damn dat hurt.

Sorry Man^^i Might Be Reading 2 Much...you Might Wanna Check Out..rb Complaints

Voted For: DV8

Willys verse was pretty dope, i liked the story line you went with on it, but i just thought these lines from DV8 were stronger....


I was young but I knew that I wanted to raise you as my own,
Cause I never wanted your precious little heart to feel alone,
And although there is no biological tie between use that binds,
There ain’t no blood test that can tell me you ain’t mines,
And Its never been kept a secret who your real father is,
But that bastard don’t even know what your favourite colour is
When you have a bad dream, you scream my name not his,
Sometimes I wounder if you found me or if I found you,
Your lifes already been hard enough, I see the strength in you,
So you see our life and immediate family is priority,
Im here for support n I’ll never try ta come done like authority,
The older you get, the closer we get, its actually hard for me,
Cause I gotta realistically look upon tomorrow n be bothered,
I dread the first time your mad at me and say “your not my real father”


Dady ill never say that…..no honey..its just a proven fact….. -

This had raw emotion- it was real, and i like readin shit like this alot, you flowed pretty well and there was alot of different feelings thrown in this- i could feel the loyalty in the story- dope peice stay up... 1

uppin this com'on peeps don't sleep on this.................

Upping, stop sleep and just get this over with. Hurry up.

Voted For: DV8

Dv8 ur rhymes were simple u kept it clean
nice structure Dwag
nice flows
nice Punches had great effect to me very
good/
it was original and cool well kept
vote Dv8

What the fuck? There arent any punches ina topical. What the fuck is this, are you fucking with the votes homie?

well take my vote out man aight
ill tell Cprogress to take my vote
away

naw dawg, seriously im not man, i read that 2 n i dint get it either...i tyhink he meant like feeling of something..??i dunno..it don't make sense...

plus that homes i cant bearly see straight
but it didn't say topical and i need some
credits

my bad

uppin............................................. ..............

uppin............................................. .

Voted For: DV8

aight...

Willy: ya flow was kinda choppy... thats the only thing that let ya down... vocab was good in-line, but the actual rhymes fucked ya over... nice plot

DV8: a little long, but engaging... nice plot, pretty good flow.. good vocab... a nice verse man... youre prolly bout the same level topical-wise as me, we should battle sometime

v/DV8

hit up
http://community.rapverse.com/showb...863#post1463863

after we have both dropped n return the favor on my topical...

one

How the fuck is my flow off, I have a two sylabol multie ending with tons of internals throughout each line. These votes are all bull shit except for the first one. The one kid cant even see and just wanted fucking credits.

uppin.............................................

This was feedback posted for Willy Wonka
 

I liked both verses but I think DV8 come better,

He had better flow and droped some complex lines. Willy
come nice to but I didn't think he come hard, I kinda lost
his verse sometimes so I had to read it over just to under~
stand his mind~set. Pretty close battle but I think DV8
come better in this one..

Vote~DV8

uppin............................................. ........

uppin............................................. ....

Voted For: DV8

Willy Wonka

November 16th, born another poor kid in the streets
Dont know wether this dream life was given with me
->>second line doesnt really make sense

Or was I just a curse who tore hus-band and wife
No more love cuz my mothers work? It was dam tite
->>ehh its ok

Its like, why would this life be given for this strife?
God, sets light on rich but shits on the pov-rish types
->>pov-rish? the rhymes in this sound forced

My mother cant afford to support lives under welfair
My brother stands on the cornor, lines another self fair
->>second line after the comma doesnt make sense more forced rhyming

Twins, but within the world my skin crawls at his site
In the skin site we're similar sorts, who'll fall in life
->>i was feelin this

But I have plans, seperate the brands of man and land
And I'm tired of these fake hands, I'll land on my OWN DAM FEET!
->>doesnt rhyme but its cool im going with it

As my family has no time in these days of dieing dreams
Grasp my brothers wrist and try to find his face but he's a dieing breed
->>didnt really understand the imagery in the second line

*Cops at the door speaks*
"Is there a kid here, 5-9 high dark eyes who lives near?
He's a caucasion kid, wear-in roc-a-wear
->>here you started going off on a tip about getting arrested which didnt have much to do with family...you tried to brign it back in the last bar but i thought it was too little too late

This young man is a suspect in the murder of a Mr. Watkasan
He's among a grand crack down on crime and he must be captured mam."
->>sounds weird...the words in the second line dont go together

*I come to the door*
Me-"Whats Going on, what the fuck get your hands off."
The cop holding on to my arm as I struck and desend off
->>pretty cool line I liked this one

Cop-"You're coming with me, your wanted for one count murder, first degree
You're one of the key suspects in a shooting, you're rights are seazed."
->>forced rhyming in second bar

He dragged me with back at the floor to the car
Preseaded to grab my head and push it rather hard
->>so-so...filler

Sitting in the back, tattered seats and contemplating why
Spitting at the backs of cops hats looking like what I hate about ghetto lives
->>this line was decent...good imagery

Got to prison and with in a few hours a had visit
Came to spot at the glass the vision of mirror image in it
->>good imagery here too

And he, he who is a part of me passing back thoughts like telepathy
This is crazy, my brothers crime my punishment, never let grieve my family on acounta me.
->>doesnt rhyme but its decent



Dv8

Im leaving this situation, its much more feasible than staying,
I know im your creation, but your rules aren’t reasonable for obeying,
->>I was feelin this opener it kinda throws you right into the mix then you explain later

I think the alcoholic drink has ruined your motherly maternal instincts,
You only thank me when holding your hair from the pueck in the sink,
->>you kinda forced the internal in the first bar I think it wouldve been better without it

It’s a bitter taste, without mama’s love I feel unwanted and out of place,
These are just extra wounds for a man who’s never seen his fathers face,
->>this is personal and kinda grabs you when you read it i was feelin it

So grandma was bad??? Well yes honey just a drunk n depressingly sad!
->>I wasnt feeling how you were explaining the story to a kid it breaks the concentration

My mama freebased money so I could have a high school tuition,
From my stepfathers home he’s quick to always hand me an eviction,
->>first line doesnt make sense and the second line rhyme sounds forced

Or a punch 2 the head and face, I continuesly to find a quiet place,
->>second half of this line fell off...I did like how some of your bars are different lengths than others it chops it up a little and makes it less monotonous when its so long

I swore he was’nt anything, but you said he meant more to you then I did,
As I cried, I hope you die kid was what I viewed through my busted eyelids,
->>internal in the second line is forced and it wouldve been better without it...it is a good bar though more of that imagery that grabs you

I was at war with who was supposed to be my life bringer,the ultimate giver,
The all knower, my nourisher and most of all my aspiration encourager,
->>filler...its pretty good for filler though

So understand ’little 1”my life was sad without a moma that did’nt nerture,
I met you 5 years ago, so im letting you know what it is to torture,
->>this sounds like a personal story but you dont explain who youre talking to or why you met them 5 years ago so like I dont know what youre talking about

Your smile capitivated my soul that was tattered and miserable,
I knew I could change our lives for the future if I was honourable,
->>doesnt rhyme but it is pretty good

I was young but I knew that I wanted to raise you as my own,
Cause I never wanted your precious little heart to feel alone,
->>this is cool flippin it back about how youre doing the raising now and you dont want the kid to go through the same thing...brings the family concept together good

And although there is no biological tie between use that binds,
There ain’t no blood test that can tell me you ain’t mines,
->>not your strongest bar

And Its never been kept a secret who your real father is,
But that bastard don’t even know what your favourite colour is
When you have a bad dream, you scream my name not his,
->>good imagery and youre letting a lot of emotion out here

Sometimes I wounder if you found me or if I found you,
Your lifes already been hard enough, I see the strength in you,
->>pretty cool

So you see our life and immediate family is priority,
Im here for support n I’ll never try ta come done like authority,
The older you get, the closer we get, its actually hard for me,
->>i wouldve left the third line out and changed cause to but in the next bar...third line was kinda weak

Cause I gotta realistically look upon tomorrow n be bothered,
I dread the first time your mad at me and say “your not my real father”
->>this was a good closer it brought your verse together nicely

Dady ill never say that…..no honey..its just a proven fact…..
->>couldve done without this but its not terrible

Before I explain if I sounded too harsh on either battle I apologize...I dont usually vote on topicals so Im used to having punches to rate which makes it harder for me. Anyways...

Willy wonka you had a lot of trouble with your rhyming...a lot of them sounded forced. You did have a good verse. I thought the begginning was good but the whole story of getting arrested didnt do it for me...it seemed off topic and the lines themselves werent stellar so it was hard to get into.

DV8 I dont know if this is truth or just for the topical but it seemed you put a lot of emotion into your writing and it just kinda grabbed me when i read it. It was walking the line between poetry and rap. It was a little long and I can think of a few bars you couldve left out but all in all it was a good piece and I liked it. I think you took this easy because you stayed on topic and the lines themselves rolled off the tounge smoother for the most part. As far as over a beat I dont know how it would go but this is text and I was feelin it.

v/Dv8

Lol I dont think a single person who voted actually does topical.

^^your prolly right except 4 seven third,but i put the post count high so noobs wouldnt vote so thats all i could really do...

uppin...com'on this is almost over....................

uppin............................................. ...

uppin 4 votes..........................................

uppin............................................. .....

damn this is still here.............uppin...............

uppin............................................. ......

Voted For: DV8

first off this was a pretty decent topical battle.....gud verses by both.
i think dv8 came with the beta vocab.more complexity to his piece.....i enjoyed both stories,dv8`s beta vocab made his a lil more interestin ta read.
structure/flow woz fairly even......i think both had a few lines..
that were a lil stretched or 2 short.try even em out more(although its not as important in a topical).....
gud imagery by both, again i was feelin dv8`s a lil more,as i like the way in which the story was started.and the lil interlude bits were funny....dv8 u started to fall off wit ur rhymin 2 wars the end whilst wonka stayed consistent throughout.

overall id say......wonka up ya vocab,complexity....
dv8..try make ur lines rhyme a lil beta..

vote-dv8
tite battle but jus likin urs more..beta imagery