MagiC vs Fluidmoon
 

Topical Battle,,.. Topic Suicide

20 - UNLIMITED Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting

Standard house rules,,...


1~

Minimum posts to vote: 20

Check in by: 08-15-04 at 05:44 PM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

MagiC has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-12-04 05:49 PM.

fluidmoon has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-12-04 05:59 PM.

Look down on busy streets form my balcony, thinking about life
Trying to go cold turkey but I miss the toxins more then my wife

I need the drugs to ease the pain of my childhood, beaten as a boy
My step dad hated me,, he invaded our lives like the horse at Troy

Fuck him anyway I’m going to be a real man and finish what he started
I’m going to end this fucked up life,,,, sorry but that bastards retarded

I have nightmares of the repeated beatings,,, waking up in hot sweats
Slitting my wrists twice in a year, I’m destined to die with no regreats

He touched me,,.. invaded me in ways a father shouldn’t touch a son
I feel dirty, Can never love, Can never trust, Born to death like a gun

My emotions are Damaged, Mentally Tarnished, Physically Punished
I see no end, my life’s been a joke since it started, I wish I just vanished


I’m doing this tonight,, my plight can’t be resolved,,, so I see no end in sight
Turn out the light, thinking of ways to end my fight, hanging myself out of spite

I cheated on my wife, she tried to love me, in the end hates me, I have sinned
I’m back on the balcony contemplating a jump,, teary eyed due to the wind

I hate you all!! Nobody really cared this is my mothers only fear
Her only son dieing before her,,.. But to be honest I don’t care

Knife pulled from my pocket, slit both my wrists and my Achilles tendons
Blood pouring out my body, drained of life holding my holly pendent

Had to take my last look at the world before I become an entity
Empty of life, body functions starting to fail, now I got eternity

Feeling cold,,, my heart beat is starting to fade,,,, it’s time to depart
My life flashing before my eyes, But to me it’s just about to start

Narrator: Two Years after Allans Death, His father enters a room, His father opens up a desk drawer and finds a journal and sits down to read.

Journal Entry August 14th 2002

I got my report card today, It showed a point drop in my GPA
Feelin anxious and scared what my parents going to say?
See if they could only understand their pressure makes me fail
Can't Focus in School- In tests I sweat shake and bite my nails
"You Have to be successful, You have to be Number One"
My father drills words in my head, But I'm 19 I want to have fun
I'm feeling hopeless and along, trying to full-fill someone elses dream
Screamin at myself on the inside, Help is what I really need
I don't have many friends and I no longer have the energy
My father tries to help but we fight more like enemies
I can't take this life anymore, my heads swelled with desparagement
I can't manage- My dad and my classes are just too much to handle-it
I hear my parents arguin about me- Why can't they be proud or happy?
It's like a cloud of darkness in my head and heart has grabbed-me
This is too much of a hassle, I really just need to leave
Take walk go to the bar get myself a couple beers and breathe

Allans Journal Entry- August 15th 2004

It's two years later I just read your last entry
I had no Idea how you felt-- Why didn't you tell me?
I was trying to be supportive, supply the push a father gives
I had no idea my words would be the ones that pushed you off that bridge
You were my only child- Understand I didn't want to see you fail
Both your mother and I are shattered- She doesn't eat her face is pail
If I saw an end to this madness I'd do it. Or at least I'd Try-
But instead your mother will just lose us both to Suicide

Only you'll see this-- but lol, I had to write that twice in the last twenty minutes because my computer shut down on me--- so you better show

Voted For: fluidmoon

fluid i was feelin' that , crazy man that is raw as hell , its funny felt a connection i saw what was goin on in my head the structure was raw to , magic go more in depth i read yours and didnt get as much from it as i got from fluid moon's

end this he is a biter http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=142418

turban

This was feedback posted for fluidmoon
 

good shit

uppin............................................. ....

Voted For: MagiC

i liked Magic's verse more. It had more detail and seemed more real to me. fluid moon was just pressured about his grades in his verse. magic had many more problems. it seemed more realistic and i liked magic's better. but fluidmoon's was just as good. just needs more.... problems. especially for a topic like this.

vote- Magic

Voted For: fluidmoon

it seems kinda weird to vote on who's better at textual suicide but i think fluid's was more original n powerful the other one was just kinda gorey but fluids flowed better n seemed more in depth
holla at me
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=136344

Thanks for the votes up~ing #1

apppreciate the votes upping.....................1

This was feedback posted for fluidmoon
 

good shit both.....................................1

uppin this dope topical right here.....................1

Voted For: fluidmoon

good battle

fluidmoon - i was really feeling the flow of this.. i think it ended a lil to soon, i think you should of had a middle verse in there about his dad keeping a diary also.. like one entry from it.. but it was a good job nevertheless.. i liked how it eneded with his had writing in his suns journal.. that and the flow of your verse is what really won it for me..

magic - yours seemed realistic, as well as fluidmoons.. but i didnt really connect with it as much.. the words you sometimes used to rhyme with each other. rhymed, but they didnt.. i hope you know what i mean.. like eternity and entity dont really match up well, ya know ?.. you had imagery and everything.. was a decent verse.. but i felt fluid was on top of this topic pretty well..


if you get a chance, and see one of my battles any where, jsut drop a vote or w/e.. no pressure tho


props to both of you for a good topical battle

up up uppin............................................. .......................1

Thanks for the votes all,.. Up~ing

~1

Voted For: MagiC

damn close battle
i liked fluid's meaning
how he had a story but
i liked MagiC's flow better
n he also had a story so i gave it 2 him
v/MagiC
vote on my battles
DRAG~ON VS ecko(crew battle)
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=142722

definatfully(punchline)
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=142312

V0cab
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=141251

Jono
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=142463

Voted For: fluidmoon

damn this was a long ass battle...damn,lol....fluidmoon took this one wit nice wordplay, and nice punches and multies...nice flow...bad structure tho, too many extended lines...elevate

magic nice flow, but you fell off near the end, and thats wut did it...elevate

Voted For: fluidmoon

Fluidmoon has my vote because she has more emotion and more word play in hers. They were both good itz just fliudmoon set it ova the top. MagIC need a lil more pratice and needs to work on the flow of his/her words