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.::a:n:t:i::-::t:r:u:s:t::.
.:The end meets beginning:.
The year is 2002, my life has gone to complete shit.. Me and a girl shared love, but than had to obsolete it.. I kept how i honestly felt a secret, I wished i was dead.. Didn't have it in me to leave hell, I pushed through it instead.. Months later, depression is my only friend, won't leave my side.. Than I start talkin to a girl who in her I feel i can confide.. It's my ex girls, ex best friend, how ironic is that.. shut out her helping hand, though I wanted it bad.. Hangin on by a thread, i put my trust on the line.. For the girl who I''d eventually love through turnin of time.. Emotions Blurrin My mind, I'm stuck searchin behind.. for the reason why I ever let my feelings get turned and entwined.. .:Reason to trust:. Coming up empty handed, I open up to the girl that I'd love Put all my faith in this woman, Instead of the God from Above.. We could talk about anything, as a best friend it was obvious.. our relationship was patented, one of a kind, no one could copy us.. But soon, it was evident, stronger feelings seems relevant.. But memories of a broken heart keep me from bein celebrant.. As time goes on, we get closer, emotions feel paralell.. Heaven is the only description, I'm forgettin, is there a hell.. But than she seems distant, we don't kick it, or even speak to eachother.. Memories start to surface, depression is back, and my bad feelings recovered.. Askin if things changed between us, she can't give me a straight reply.. Does she care about me, the worst feeling in the world is wondering why.. .:Feelings of opposite:. A couple months later, she's claimin that she likes me again.. I had a girlfriend, and cheating always strikes me as sin.. But i didn't love this girl, and she had no problem livin without me.. so I take my chances with someone who gives a fuck about me.. The girl I had loved was broken up, was breakin under the pain.. she couldn't stand to see me without her, her face wasn't the same.. I saw a sadness in her eyes, But my regrets had consumed me.. I didn't want to take another chance of her makin a fool of me.. As time passes, feelings for her are developing, and mutual.. How could I pass her up when she cared, to me thats unusual.. We start getting closer, it's great, but I still have my doubts.. Knowing that the last time I loved her, we took two different routes.. .:Bad timing:. Hangin out a lot, me and this girl just lay with eachother.. flirting all the time,laughing, as we play in the covers.. Inactive sexually, although our bodies yearned for the touch.. we're both nervous to make a move, so we turn to the dutch.. We finally make love, or atleast she had me convinced.. Told me she didn't want a relationship,Feelin mad as I winced.. Says she cares about me, but she thinks labels are stupid.. Feelin hurt I make a hitlist sayin "first dude is cupid".. I'm paranoid, because of what I've been through before.. Feeling mad at this woman, than realized love was the whore.. To protect myself i tell my mind that my feelings are dead.. I fucked up by trustin this girl and lettin her into my head.. .:Mixed Feelings:. She's getting distant again, i already know whats going to happen.. the small chance that I'm wrong is whats holdin me back from snappen.. I'd give the world to this girl, if I knew that she'd love me.. I can't shake my fear, the idea of losin her continues to bug me.. I'm giving it all I have trying to put my emotions to the side.. at the same time I try to hide how my heart starts to divide.. I have bad luck with love, it's like I was born with a curse.. Arguing whats worse, dying, or allowing me and her to dimmerse.. Knowin i don't have a choice, I express my agony through power of voice.. get her affection by writin her this piece, givin me reason to rejoice.. I don't understand, this chain of love gone wrong, why can't it bust.. I'm doomed to die young and alone, the single cause is anti-trust.. |
Damn, that was some deep shit. Flowed perfectly, good lyrics and usage of vocab, good imagery too. Kinda reminds me of "You Never Know" by Immortal Technique...8.5/10 Good shit, keep bangin'...
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That explains it all...good shit homeboy...holla at me if u wanna do a collab or sumthin...9/10 |
thanks for the feedback........UPPIN..............
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yo dope drop 10/10 keep it up
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but ya ill say it for him uppin <lol
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good lookin out man.......UPPIN,..................
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you dont need to say uppin for me im here 10/10 is right boi enough said is right peace
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thanks....uppin some more.............................
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wow thatw as dope..it was deep it was everything....damn ki dim real glad your in my crew...wow this was my favorite line int he whole thing
Feeling mad at this woman, than realized love was the whore.. yes that is the truth..i hope that the girl takes oyu back and you guys fall in love have kids get married and die together...lol |
damn, im happy u didn't do dis good in our battle, lol, good job man, i liked ur creativity in dis...10/10....
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thanks to both of you....much love to you both...
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Kid sums it up really well... I'd say it was like 8.7/10 but it was fetti as hell... u got AIM cuz we might have to do a colalb or shit |
thanks for the love yall...and yeah i got aim......suga2shane3
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uppin for feedback........don't over look this...don't skim through it either
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uppin.....come on...feedback please....i'll return the favOR
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nice drop man you had a good consistant flow, got deep with it at times it was a little to simple and generic but it still came together nicely it would be real nice in audio so you could really express yourself but for text its still nice good shit man
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Was a pretty damn good drop bruh.. The topic was real and it works really well now that theres transitions in place like i said. You got talent in emotional drops no doubt.
Overall, i give it a solid 9.5/10 There really not much I can see that needs impovement on. Good shit. |
man thats some nice shit... at ya level it aint hard to flow, so diction is the only factor here... And it was ill. Nice content, i think a lotta cats around can relate to that shit.. i know i can.. very nice.
maybe a contender for open mic of the month stay up one |
uppin....still want more feedback and more peeps to view this
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wow, beautifully written piece right here, very emotional, nice use of words and telling your story, good job on this piece, i can relate here and i appreciate your feelings on the subject...........keep it up
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raw as fuck...nice shit homie...
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thank yall for the feedback....I'm glad some of you can relate...nothins better than bein understood
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I was really feelin you man...nice shit
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I'm glad you liked it.....more feedback please....I'd really apperciate if someone broke this down..
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uppin
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wow, that was hella tight man, seriously it was deep and damn, I cant even find the words to describe it, it actually makes me want to start bein serious on this site 11/10
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thankyou
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Hey what’s the deal Wildfire, iight ima be honest here, the meter of your bars is exceptional which means your flow was completely on point so you can definitely record this if you haven’t already but the problem is that the subject matter within the lines are not consistent (some lines are good and many others are bad) I mean rhyming is one thing but actual content is another and I think you need to convey something a lil more stronger than this…its true that rhyme restrains alot of venues because you have to work within a certain framework but you just need to make a every line count in my opinion…just like real hip hop heads don’t like filler tracks on albums they do not appreciate filler lines in verses…but yeah content just takes a lil critical thought and you seem to be comin along in that regard so just keep at it. Check out my new Joint “FrameWork” and tell me what you think
Ya boy SyN to the Ap to the SiSt checkin in for the night check out my voice in one of the illest |
thanks a lot for the feedback...but I am confused as how the subject matter is not consistent...the subject is rooted into a story of mine...and every line has something to do with how i feel about the story...emotionally or physically..or it is explaining the story.....I'm not arguing with you....I am just wondering what stuck out to you as "Non consistent"
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Shits tite, i wouldnt nominate it as best though but i was feelign ya shitit was deep, ya was ok...
How long did it take you to write this and be honest now.... |
thats was deep shit, it was tight, keep it up~
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uppin
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Deep drop...nice idea...good flow. I give that like a 8.5/10. That's like one of the best drops i've seen since i've been on da board. Keep it up
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uppin
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nice drop man keep droppin aight i likie to see it...
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uppin....
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nice drop
i could see wat u meant nice overalll how long it took to make it also peep my open mic |
pretty dope... good rhyme scheme... keep up the good work.. and ps. join my crew... just playing pc..
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