|
..::Kingdoms Revolt::..
..::|Kingdoms Revolt|::.. . ..::|Thy Kingdoms Clashing|::.. Lurking Beneath the ground, darkness racing, Sounds of Gods angels pacing… The battle Roar for sky, The Devil’s Will Cry, sounds of the devils scream racing… Apocalypse Now, Hell is bringing it to the surface, about to terminate the purest… Angels getting ready for the battle, rejoicing, thinking them winning is surest… Hell and heaven weapons clashing, they leaving the place but leaving it blasting… Angels asking, “will earth be ruined after this”, or will fate be leaving it lasting… Back to the War On Earth, many warriors wounded and hurt, but this war is worth… Land wrecked with darkness and dirt, Earth’s a wasteland but was beautiful at birth… Lucifer’s revolt, Arch’s stopping Hellfires to a halt, it’s the fucking devils fault… Jolt the warriors of heaven, chances of either winning is slim, as small as salt… . ..::|Waves Of Attack|::.. Seen from afar, Shadow Knights arising, from the clouds they go, to the city, fighting… Angels arrows hit direct to the source of evils, flee from the lighting, darkness biting… Just the start, Heavens lightning penetrates the dark, burns the devils black heart… Still not giving up, sends demons for a start, breaking the gates, none will depart… Archs take the head of the crew, swords they drew, and many have John slew… Violent to be true, cries out loud, saying to the each other “The Winner isn’t You”… Second Wave, God sends angels to flight, shooting like light, Angel generals to fight… Command the Elite, Down Hell they go, Devils attack with might, angels take the smite… Lucifers Castle wrecked, flaming eyes, a cylinder of fire, smoking angels to get higher… Tornado of black flame, stopping angels in there tracks, Lucifers all-ruling desire… . ..::|Diabolical Plans|::.. Plans to take over, a massacre indeed, take the route to the secret stair, none will be seen… From Hell to Heaven, the stairs lead, Lucifer walking up, like stepping out, from the scene… Plan A is progress, devils make a diversion for their master, giving him enough time to succeed… The now devils been caught, talking they proceed, asking for Lucifer, and giving directions to mislead… Plan A was a success, they went the wrong way, instead of going the stairs, went to Hells Bay… Long searching for Lucifer, though He, Lucifer was close to the top, but went well on his way… The Archs knew they been tricked, mislead, but when they found the stairs, he was already gone… Thus, came dawn, none knew it was still on, so God sent a message for angels to be withdrawn… So God and his angels went away, not knowing Lucifer was up there now, expected the unknown… Lucifer finally made it to the palace, and he want to reign, and now spots Gods throne… . ..::|The Takeover|::.. Flames ascends from Hell to Heaven, ultimately destructing Gods palace, the battle reigns… Angels fled, all gone, Devils made a world of pain, Chaos represents, a world gone insane… Lucifer marches towards Gods mighty throne, him alone, takes it, but the throne turns to stone… Wondering what happened, expecting ultimate control, he was booted, Lucifer was overthrown… Seeing Gods mighty hand, signals the running of Lucifers crew, though he stands his ground… Dumbfound, God sends his mighty angels to surround, horns of light, gives the heavenly sound… God has come back to finish this final fight, angels returning, devils burning, it’s a clash… Angels confident, Angels saying, “God will take him out”, “like dumping the trash.”… Enrages the devils anger, it’s been put up to the max, Lucifer screaming “I WILL WIN… Boost up, Gods heavenly strength, must save the world from sin, final fight, let the battle begin… . ..::|Final Onslaught|::.. The clash of the mightiest, using the power of the fighting fist, but Lucifer lucks drowned… Already beaten to the ground, but unleashes hellfire, saying “this time your going down”… Hellbound not so?, he’ll be knocking off the crown, the Fire? Gods light diminishes it… It’s God who’s gonna finish it, the battle’s lit, angels chanting “ the devils full of shit”… Now the heavenly father draws his holy sword, almighty power of heaven, sends forth light… Struck the devils demonic body, what a smite, the demons partly dead, it’s Gods delight… Lucifer picks up his wicked sword, strikes God, and has taken Him to our Earth… God regains his power, thinking “losing is not worth” Devil get struck, Now down and hurt… Final battle phase, Gods raging anger of annihilating this fiend, omni-power it’s Godsended… Striking Lucifers demonic heart, withers away, Lucifers sinful reign has ended………… |
My First Open Mic and Topical.
Please Give Feedback. Made in 5 hours non-stop thinking and typing. :thumbup: |
What is this shit to fucking long i need some feeback
LOL |
was long and worth readin it was pretty tight...
|
That was a very uplifting piece. Something must have really inspired u. I appreciate that one. It had good wordplay and all that. 5 hours??? I couldn't do that!!
|
Quote:
:thumbup: WORD^^^^^^WORD :thumbup: |
upping
|
really long took some time to read... good complex rhymes.. just keep up the good work paramik.. and check out MINDZ KOLLIDE..
|
dope dope dope dope.....fantastic syllable count..good rhyme scheme and multis...concept was nice and you carried your idea beautifully...it was long...but the transitions made it an easy read...the only thing i would reccomend for you to do differently..use complete sentences more often...what you did was fine for this piece...it couldn't of been better.....but just for other pieces....it'd be a good idea...anyways....much respect to ya....and it took me around 35-45 minutes to write anti trust....just to answer your question....keep droppin..and let me know so i can keep readin
|
divine poetry! real nice man, i can definitely appreciate your 5 hour effort! it took a while to read but it was worth it, the story and rhyme are excellent... let's see more of this stuff!
|
yea i been writing a new one about some thing else
yea this is my first open mic um Wildfire yours was good and damn 45 min you must be real good Thanks but is it really that good?? |
Dope.. Period.
Structure was good.. flow was on target.. Rhyme scheme was tight.. nice inner rhyming.. Topic was original.. and u managed to make it work.. Overal.. tight ass peice.. Vote - Open Mic Of The Month. |
yeah it took me tops at 45 minutes....but it was unusual...the words just kept comin to me...usually it takes around an hour-2 hours to write somethin more than decent...but this time i was "in the zone" as cliche as that sounds...
|
damn you must been dope lol
stop sleeping on this please feedback |
Tight rhyme, kinda reminded me of a mid evil book, lots of talk of sorcery, and poetry. the way you worded it made it flow good, and had a lot of multies. one thing to do different though, is sometime its ok to write stuff like this (mostly poetry) but for rap, try to make something more ppl can identify with. overall, id say 8.3/10
|
O!!!! vocab like whoo! flow not slow! depth like holes! emotion felt like hoes! word ouch nice OM of September easy:) |
you guys need to stop sayin "om of the month...".
yes..it's dope...yes...it's a legit cantidate...but i'm noticing that people make up their minds...and they don't even read anyone elses shit...I'm not tryin to keep the award from paramiks hands...cause he is deserving...but i don't want to drop somethin in two weeks thats just as good...and be overlooked because you madre your mind up before the month is even half way over......anyways......no disrespect paramik...you'll most likely get my vote too....but I'm sure you understand where I'm comin from |
yo stop sleepnig in this and feedback
|
Quote:
Blah your open mic was better uppnig stop fucking sleeping in this and feedback |
I wouldn't say that....i actually liked yours more...I am just saying that it bugs me people make their minds so quick....I'm bout to tell people to come see this though...this shouldn't be over looked...
|
The fuck you putting my open mic in ya sig hae you gone crazy i mean come on it aint that good yo, i mean i though yours was better i mean i can see wat you meant and ya feeling to write that verse
|
it's good enough to represent it..and try to get it known around the board...and thats what I'm doin
|
5 hrs? :shocked: wow........compliments that was tight!!!!
XTREMLY TIGHT!!!!! keep writting |
Quote:
um yea i guess so... but i gotta admit yours was long and you wrote it in 45 min tats was dope... |
damn stop sleeping this up
|
uppiin
|
took me a long time to read it tho but tha shit waz hot mayn...8.5/10..
|
dont sleep this
|
WOW<<<<this was amazing in every aspect, its pieces like this that inspire me to write more, great job, i love the way you set it up, so much creativity, and the flow was excellent, all around great drop man..........respect..1
|
hhaha id say
this was spictacualr the word inspired me i was amazed on how ya did it P ya really got something |
upping this shit
|
this was a dope..read...pretty long ...but it was worth it....structure was on point...multies were decent ...wordplay..was on the money....feelings and emotions..were really..good and so was the feelings going into the drop..overall very good drop.... 8.5/10
|
upping feedback on this shit
|
that was dope man i liked yer verse and fer a 1st ever it was dope man:D and i mean it its got complex words. but i tryed showing my freinds this song there wit me now and they say it sucks but i told them they dont understand rap then and there like no we do hes wack thats what they said but me i say yer abotu in this songs a 9/10 maybe a lil more but not 10 thats hard to get:D but ya chekc my piece thanks
~1~ Luv |
this shit was long but nice flow good wordplay creativeness was above average and the whole verse was worth a read but the lenth wasnt but all together nice drop...
9/10 |
that was very very good piece...agree with^^^^^..but also agree with everyone else....1
|
uppping.......
get fedeback on this siht |
Leangthy, yes, nice idea though. I read it two times before replying. To me it seems choppy, not the flow itself, the flows good. The story is choppy, like the descriptions. Nice vocab and imagery for the most part, if you would have made the story more fluid to make the imagery stand out more I think it would have been 9.5+. Good shit anyways my man, keep droppin. Peace. 7.7 overall.
|
iight nice feedback though now i know where to improve...
runing for nomination of best OPen MIc award of august.. IM NOT telling you to vote for me only if you fell this is the open mic of august then you can vote... |
word that shits aight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:50 PM. |