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ONE-MAN-BAND vs Empire
Battle Rules:
Topical-Your a Inmate with a Life Sentence 6 - UNLIMITED Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Minimum posts to vote: 200 Check in by: 09-29-04 at 03:43 AM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
One-Man-Band has ACCEPTED this battle on 09-26-04 03:50 AM.
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Empire has ACCEPTED this battle on 09-26-04 05:23 PM.
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If you was here maybe youd see what i see
Nothing but darkness and shadows stalking me Its been awhile in denail my concious talking to me And everywhere i go this cold heartedness walks with me Wish i had just chilled stayed home on that night Maybe i wouldnt have been forced to take another man life Maybe this is punishment for sins i committed Felone 2 times convicted 84-A-6549 just another statstic Just another man trapped in these walls Making 20 cents a hour for city hall Cant take it nomore plans of ending it all My shoulder weight heavy it force me to crawl Got grown kids me and wifey was getting married eventually But it still aint happen and i got 20 years in this penatentairy She still come up and visit she comes along with the kids My oldest graduated college while i was doing this bid Havent seen my father or seen my mother in years So the loss of them flows wit the rest of my tears Fear for my life so my shanks is sharp but im ready to die It hurts inside and i cant live long with this lie Im finally starting to break admit the defeat I got life dogg i aint never seeing the streets Never again will i feel the soft loving touch of a female Im gonna spend the rest of exisitence trapped in this penile Fuck contemplating i made my decision Its bout time i escape from this prison Just a quick move basically its nothing more.... a leap of faith My options are gone this seems to be my only way of escape I got no more choices and the voices is wearing my mind So the sheet is wrapped around the top bars in a tight bind My necks in the circle and all it will take it another step What i got to live for?they took my freedom.... nothings left I already wrote and put the suicide note in the mail Saying 'FUCK YOU WARDEN' i finally escaped from ya jail |
FUCKING DROP ALREADY DAMMIT WHAT THE FUCK ARRRRRRRRRR :cussing:
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Dont Be So Impatient! Im Writin Like 3 Things At The Same Time!
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..well……. “Well, it all started back in high school… in the prime a my life I was a good kid, just tryna do right.. straight grades, an honourable tyke Loved my friends n’ family, but you know how shit gets worse, man.. My parents broke up.. but by the looks of ya, you’d know that shit first hand Anyway, they broke up right.. wanted to stay wit mom, but I lost her She got a new man straight away… Forgot all about me n’ my father We moved up coast, pretty shabby place… but meh.. life was peaceful First day a school… But now I realize I made friends with the wrong kind a people.. The closest one of which his name was eric.. Ignored the blue he was reppin As we became brothers, he introduced me to thugs, drugs, then moved onto weapons.. A new way of life…. They taught me how to thug n’ I learnt it Changed from straight a’s at school to carryin guns without permits.. A few years down the wrong track… A couple years after we all dropped outta school, still we gangster Notorious, livin us against the world just like big n’ pac was Hussle to survive, we depended on eachother so fam not gon’ be leavin’ me No other choice… We livin’ lean, everything we gain, get, or got was illegally One time, one of my homies, sparked some beef with a cat tryna rep his crew Badmouthin’ us, callin us pussy.. ya know.. just ya all round aggressive dude But the rest of my fam aint take it so lightly… a peaceful crew was good while it lasted But cos a some hard headed bastard that cracked em.. Some shit talking dudes’ll get blasted So that night, unwillingly I was taken to an abode, where we was ready to brawl n’ bust Prayed to god fa luck.. but our big heads prevented visions of what we had in store for us.. Maybe if I wasn’t there……. Pistol was cocked.. we were ready to jump in from the porch, my homie kicked in the door Straight away them cats went from sittin on couches playin cards n puffin dope to hittin the floor I regretted getting involved, these cats were not to be fucked with, killin, bustin n gunnin All out gat fight.. laughin till one of our own copped two in the ribs n’ one in the stomach They all was yellin “Yo, simms!?! grab the shotty, its down tha hall, up in a cupboard?!” We all had pistols.. shit.. Me n eric ducked under some cover.. “Cmon man we gotta do sumthin?!” I peeped round the corner, looked back n Erics in the front doorway, “YO, man why you runnin?!” He turned, looked me in the eyes… then sprinted off like the word “family” was nothing I was like shit.. Alone in this house, men from both clicks dead, feelin played n abused We was erased as a crew.. n im fucked.. hearin sirens, but im shocked here betrayed n confused If I try makin a move for the door them other dudes’d leave my sprayed, so im screwed n’ defenceless As the cops entered, the enemies escaped by overly measures.. out the back door, n over some fences.. So yeah.. And that’s how I got here .. now im jus sittin here talking to ya.. youre telling me ya story next though..” “nah.. trust me, you wouldn’t like it.. yours is way worse.. bein betrayed n put on death row” “Its not as bad as ya think.. My dad OD’d soon after I left school.. Maybe ill see him again..” “Yeah a lotta cats I knew got killed too.. lookin forward to seen old fam, n seein my friends” “yeah word.. after the shit that happened to my LOYAL bros, it hurt to pass the aftermath, n bodies..” “I know how ya feel.. wasn’t gonna tell ya… but… im Simms.. the cat they asked to grab the shotty” “DAMN.. you serious?? Shit.. you aint as bad a guy as my homies told me ya whole crew was..” “He told ya we was bad??? Haha.. you got no idea how much shit that dude talked..” “Fuck.. so here we are, on death row for nothing.. cos of some bitch with an itchy trigger n gun under his belt..” “ah well… we cool.. some peeps on death row go to heaven.. But I know that cats goin to hell..” |
Voted For: One-Man-Band
vote/OMB reason:1 more in depth and photo projecting reason:2 it flowed very nicely reason:3 it was structured in a way that I can read it better reason:4 very interesting way of the dairy like setting reasond:5 kept interest throughout the verse empire: your structure made it look short and basic you had some nice shit here as always but thi time OMB had ore to offer and more original vote/OMB |
Voted For: One-Man-Band
Wow, before I say who won what, just wanna say both of you did excellent jobs. Props to ya both, but there can only be one winner unfortunatly... Opener - Band, I like how you went ack and told us how your whole topical began, very creative Closer - Tie, both were suspensful, both had classic last lines to the story, wicked! Metas - Nether, thought one of you woulda used one to desricbe somethin, guess not Multies - band had some dope multie rhymes in there. Structure - Emp, wasn't so small, short an simple, therefore easier to read Vocab - band, he just had more to his verse lyrically than emps Flow - Emp, I really liked what emp did with his verse, donno what it was but i dug the flow and feel of the whole thing Staying on topic - Emp, you basically stayed on the topic the whole time, dont get me wrong band, I thought your verse was totally creative, just I think emp actually stayed on the topic a bit better Creativity - Band, very kool idea with the whole overall storline to your topical Like I said, no hatem this was a super hard decision for me to make, Empire you did an awsome job but I was feelin One man Bands topical a little bit more, sorry but someones gotta win. Peace boys, and very good jobs!!! |
Voted For: Empire
the story line was off on empires side but he had a sarcasitic kinda thing goin on in his verse he could of had better vocab and wordplay but one man band didnt have good vocab eather but still one man badn also came strong he had some multi's hard choice to vote: One-Man-Band: k you had some dope storyline in yer verse and you have multi's like nuts i like that but you need to uppin that vocab a lil but empire had a lil stucture whitch needed. Empire: k you came pretty nice stucture you had whitch i like but needs work a lil with vocab alot but nether did one man band so you can do to much bout that and yer closener of the song not bad 6/10:laugh: you could do better right? but one man band jsut try harder next time i know yer better. VOTE: Empire |
Please drop an honest vote/feed on my topical as I have just done for you... http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=147152
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Voted For: Empire
I think Empire has this.... Empire ... you had some alright structure... but one man band beat you there... Empire had nice wordplay ... i say you both had some really good word play.. I liked empires flow the best .... he had some nice punches too... One man .. you had nice flow and pretty hard punches .... but empire came harder.... my vote goes to empire.. V/ Empire Peace Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
This was feedback posted for Empire
no doubt you got this one on lock for sure juss wanted to check this out nice drop fam.
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,ust have been reading someone elses drop cause it didnt flow right at all.
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^lmao... its a topical... ah well.. hes got a dope sig |
^LOL YOUS A STUPID DUDE SUN WHOS SIG :huh: :laugh: :laugh:
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was that to me?...?
system crashers sig.. its got bizzy bone :thumbup: |
Voted For: One-Man-Band
Ok honest vote...here it comes...OMB murdered this easily...Empire came pretty plain in this the structure and flow was basic and imagery lacked wordplay was aight i liked the 84-A-6459 line that was good but other than that i wasn't feelin it you have come better in the past but it looked like u didn't try in this battle. OMB nice verse well layed out flowed well and structure went funny in places but the wordplay and imagery killed ur opponent fav lines included “yeah word.. after the shit that happened to my LOYAL bros, it hurt to pass the aftermath, n bodies..” “I know how ya feel.. wasn’t gonna tell ya… but… im Simms.. the cat they asked to grab the shotty” & He turned, looked me in the eyes… then sprinted off like the word “family” was nothing I was like shit.. Alone in this house, men from both clicks dead, feelin played n abused We was erased as a crew.. n im fucked.. hearin sirens, but im shocked here betrayed n confused /\ dope bar But Empire u needed to step up and ya didn't sorry dawg vote OMB |
This was feedback posted for Empire
checking the polls.....
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This was feedback posted for One-Man-Band
just checking the polls...nice verse fam...........1
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Voted For: One-Man-Band
man this was a real gud battle, both came with some really gud shit here.... empire - ur verse was tight, thought ur flow went in a few places at the beginning but apart from that ur flow was on point, structure was gud and wordplay was too. I thought ur improved as u got further in it just seemed to be flowing together real nice n easy, liked the end thought that was a gud finish and overall a gud drop... one man blind - dope dope dope....man u always rise to the challenge, this was one of the best topicals i've read for ages, ur flow was perfect to me went down real smooth in my head, structure was very gud liked the way it was broke down making it into a gud story, to be honest wen i see a verse that long i usually start to read but don't finish but here you kept me wantin to continue, ur wordplay was real tight and ur vocab was gud too....i'd give this a 9.5/10.....props n great read.. vote - one man blind verdict - just was too strong for empire here, who against alot of people wud have won wiv his verse but just out classed on this occasion by a topical vet... props to both... peace |
^thanks for the honest vote :thumbup: damn you one man band :cussing: :cussing:
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This was feedback posted for One-Man-Band
one man band i like u u can flow do u want 2 battle me an u won this battle but for sum reazon i cant vote
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I wanna battle vets... plus i seen a drop of yours, wasnt up to par
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i am 14 an dropped dat in 4 minutez i didnt even try
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well ok then, Ill battle you... then..............
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This was feedback posted for One-Man-Band
chekin polls... dope shit from the both of yall... good luck
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Voted For: One-Man-Band
i really don't like these long battles but it all good there is most def only one winner and dat on man. i was feeling it i liked the talking in there some what creative and just over all good but empire wasn't feeling it is this your first topical? it better be cause it wack. you was just saying common stuff. really need to do better kid. oh and emp i check you battle stats you got like 50 closed battles were no spit (super gay aka the run away). plus every battle you did against some one good you lost horribly |
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