please give feed. It WILL be returned.
 

20 meter high sky rise building's tumbling down..
nothing but kaos, screaming and a rumbling sound..
vision's of desicion's causing conflict and havok..
no worrie's about being a convict ..you see it you grab it..
if people try hold you back..grab a knife's and stab it..
car's colliding,bar's residing into illusion's of saftey..
people now relising all the mental pollution they gave me..
on my hand's and knee's ,not praying but begging god to save me..
head's turning to see bed's burning and saftey destroyed..
I think up a plan and gracly deploy ..a flare to the sky..
I see many poeple dieng ..i stand aware but cant do a thing..why?..
cause this is the end as we no it..
god is over our stupidity..now it's his time to show it..
the sky's raining concrete.. my body feel's weak..
one hit to the head..my sight's gone bleak....

(hook)
the end is somthing enevitable.
in 10 year's every invention..we gone be regreting it all.
so dont be afraid...just be expecting it yall....


awake outta my coma to see the first site of what's left over..
Thing's dont look right..am I on x?,,,no im sober..
i relise im seeing str8..im seeing f8..
I think of fleeing..untill a voice say's."wait"..
I turn to see the description of the person's face..
I trip.. shit im hurt. i raise my hand up into the dusty sky..
the voice speak's and say's grab my hand trust me..
".why?".
cause im here to take you to were you are spose to be..
The voice get's clearer ..I here it close to me..
the dust clear's..I feel trust ...no fear's..
all of a sudden i have seen my fate..
I seen the greatest sight nowen to man..
I relise the hand is god's showen me the grand pearly
gate...

this is a diffrent style to my usual. So If any 1 has any comment's(good or bad). Fell free to tell me. I want to elevate with this sorta style. So feed is needed and WILL be returned.
pz

this was aight man nice drop, ive been trying to see ho you spit but you say this is a different way but yeah 8/10

thnx for the feed oreo.
ill check the link in your sig.
pz

shit my open mics are all in the top ogf the forum

ummm ok.lol..
upping for more feed.

check my sig for more, you got any other open mics?

yeah i gotta collab with "i mind"
plus some old dead one's.lol.

think you can send a link of it?

@ this was a koo piece, liked the 1st verse more then the 2nd, hook was aight, closer couldve been written better but still a nice drop, props man, it was a good read nice flow....

thnx for the feed
up

can you please leave feed. At least tell me what you didnt like about it.I need to elevate so the only way i can is by getting constructive critism.
pz

why sleep??????

nbo one leaves feed no more, but ill up this

Nice Drop Feeling it.
Gd Vocab & Wordplay.
Keep It Up.

enjoy'd readin this.i don' c nuthin' wrong wit' it.the mental portrait was the illest tho'
keep em comin'.ur good.

this was preety good, 1st verse was better then the 2ed decent word-play and all flow was decent and all the hook wasnt bad preety good try elevating u'r idea on paper like get more creative witht he topic u in try thinking the un-thinkable or something like that, u know what i mean i cant really explain it well but get more open mind'ed and it will come out natrually....

7.2/10


can u drop some feed on my freestyle befor work....

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1700503

thnx for the feed.
i am allway's writing on paper every day. This was just one that i felt needed to be better I have another verse to it but im happy with that verse. these are the first and last verse's. The second verse is what happen's while im passed out.

I just needed feed on these two to fix mistake's.'
So if any1 can tell me what they are not feeling in these then let me no.
thnx for all feed.
pz

That wa dope as hell man, Can't believe thats gettin slept on, you got some powerful words @, and don't let anybody tell you differnet, cos I'll pimp slap them to antarctica.

Nice piece man, bout to go peep your other.

thnx for the feed distilled

upping for more feed

I didn't mind this one. Keep copying my style and you'll do just fine, jk!!
Not bad tho 7/10 it was good and all it was just missing the element of surprise but i liked your wordplay and your new style is good Keep dropping :shoot: My shit is getting worse it seems but check out my next drop for uppers

thnx for the feed.

upping for more comment's on how i could make it better.

dang man this was pretty tight it flowed really well......it def was a dif style but you made it work really well....keep it up man...you had good vocab and it was just something that i felt...good job man......peep my piece's in my sig either one or both if you want....
peace~1