CriTiC vs ..:OutBreak:..
 

Battle Rules:

*Topic Haunted House*

15 Linez
No ~ Crew Votes
No ~ Recycling
No ~ Biting



Good Luck

Minimum posts to vote: 200

Check in by: 11-18-04 at 01:21 PM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

..:Outbreak:.. has ACCEPTED this battle on 11-15-04 01:22 PM.

CriTiC has ACCEPTED this battle on 11-16-04 01:33 PM.

When asked about my childhood I always invasion pain….
I attempted to disregard it,…. But I can’t removed the stain
The strain is unbearable,…. nobody can really comprehend
My mind & body was abused my way out was to transcend

Today I’m flying back,.... but psychologically I’m still grounded
My darkest thoughts are caged, with happy emotions surrounded
I haven’t been loved nor felt love, which is why I’m still haunted
The abuse I receive as a child has left my soul empty and taunted

I have to go back for a funeral,.. one of my friends has passed away..
The day I received the News I was lost and didn’t know what to say..
My minds now Derelict the foundations of my structure ripped down.
I drowned in a river of alcohol with the stream flowing from the town

My mind started to conjure up manifestations of that haunted house……..
I still hear the screams of my siblings as they was tortured and roused,…..
I remember being doused in human urine and beaten to death in this house

Up~ing for votes please,,..

Voted For: CriTiC

I think that CriTiC got this battle because i feel that CriTiC came stronger in the following categories...Topic i felt CriTiC got it was effective and was on point OB u shoulda been a bit more creative on this occasion rhyming i felt went to CriTiC good lookin wordplay and creativity goes to CriTiC and flow and structure i'll give to CriTiC.

V/CriTiC

This was feedback posted for CriTiC
 

Dope topical...jus lookin at the polls............

Sup thanks for the vote & feedback uping this battle.

1~

This was feedback posted for ..:Outbreak:..
 

checking the score................................

Voted For: ..:Outbreak:..

Outbreak came with the overall best visionary
i could see myself walkin in the house as soon as his verse started
had ok vocab but that doesnt really matter when it comes 2 topicals..i mean i dont do topicals yet but i kno its about visionary
and critic visionary was more of a freestyle than a topical about a haunted house
jus mentioning A haunted house in ya verse doesnt make it about that
my vote goes 2 outbreak

returned votes are wanted

Lmao well I guess you should stick to voting on text
Battles if you don’t understand my verse don’t vote
I'm not going to explain it because you need to think
About it. Its not just words jumbled together but I bet
Anyone who knows what a topical verse is about would
Totally disagree with you.

Its not about the words it's about the hidden meanings
and the close explains it lol anyway what eva shit.

up~ing

This was feedback posted for ..:Outbreak:..
 

Dis Look Like An Close Call Topical Batttle...........

This was feedback posted for ..:Outbreak:..
 

checkin the polls.................................

Up Up^______________________^Bump Bump

Up Up^____________________^ Bump Bump

Bumpin' _________________________________________________

Sup dope sig Out,,.... Up-ing this bitch,..........................


Come on now.

Uping,,,,,,,,.................

This was feedback posted for CriTiC
 

uppin this joint for da fam... werd... strange topic... but hey... do da damn thang

Upiinnngggg please,,,,,..............

Rv FaM...

1~

Voted For: CriTiC

ok both had good drops nice imagery and showed good pictures both aslos had good strutcure and vocab but while outbreak stuck to a good dope haunted house story critic made it soo much more and that was dope critic basically gets my vote with a better more creative story

Thanks for the vote E nuff luv,,....

Yo uping in this battle U heraedd,,...

Voted For: ..:Outbreak:..

[CENTER][FONT=Arial Narrow]

I Feel That OutBreak Took This Battle Because of Better Imagery and Overall Story/Plot. I Felt Outbreaks Story More With Vocabulary, Emotion, and Straight Imagery.

Critic Your Verse Didn't Have A Good Ending and Rambled About The Same Thing...Use Distinctiveness and Creativity.

Vote - Outbreak

~R~

Aiyo Hit My Battle Up With Returned Favor...

Its In EFL Against StreetRyda

~R~

Uping for votes come on now this battles been open for
ages...

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Two votes against me from my biggest fams lol anyways
uping for votes....

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.................................................. ........

Voted For: CriTiC

CriTiC
structure was good.. flow was on targe.. imagery was pretty good.. the topic didnt allow for much emotion, but there was still a little.. u went about the topic in a pretty good way.. it wasnt expected to end like it did.. good shit..

Retro
structure is good.. flow is pretty good as well.. imagery was decent, at best.. some of the shit was either unneeded, or just retarded.. once again, the topic didnt allow for much emotion, so blah with that.. u went about the topic in kind of the same way CriTiC did, which was pretty interesting..

Overall
both had a good structure.. neither really had all that much emotion.. both went about the topic in the same way, which i found to be interesting.. CriTiC had the better flow.. Retro's fell off a little in the middle.. CriTic also had better imagery.. so, basing off of that.. CriTiC gets my vote..

VOTE - CRITIC

.,,,,,,,,,,,,,..................Uping............. .........,,,,,,,,.........,,,,,,,,,

Uping for votes !!!

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Voted For: ..:Outbreak:..

Both Were Pretty Even But They Both Took Different Directions...
And Retro Chose To Tell A Story Wich I Liked Alot Better...
So Since Everything Else Was Even Im Gonna Vote Retro For Invovling The Reader More...
.One.

Uping,,,,,............

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This was feedback posted for CriTiC
 

just checking polls.....................
...........

Uping for votes,... !!!


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Uping for votes,,............................


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Uping for votessss.........................................

Well I cant vote for whatever reason, so I'll leave feedback.

Critic-- I feel that you are rhyming sort of text book style. Maybe you need to let your flow go a bit more.. Use some multi syllable and compound syllable rhyming more often.. To try and make your stuff sound more natural as opposed to being forced out. Thats just how I felt. Other than that, try and put meaning behind your lyrics.. Too many people just try and spark emotions with topicals, thats the easy way.. The proper way to make a topical verse good is by giving your opinion on an issue and teaching people something. If you can make people go "wow, thats changed my whole perspective" then you can be garenteed to have their vote.

Thanks for the feed Cain stay up man...

1~

Voted For: CriTiC

Retro: let me break your verse down...your approach on the topic wasn't exactly creative but it was hard to give it an original twist in fact. I liked how you managed to picture this feeling of fear, you described the house and all its terrifying aspects with such a sense of reality. Your vocab was good,not too basic but not too complex either. Some lines were a bit stretched though which affected your flow here and there. Structure was decent, emotion was good. Reader could really feel the terrible fear the person is going through and such. Good piece!


CriTiC: I'm definately feeling your view on the topic and the way you twisted it allowed you to have a more emotional approach compared to Retro. I like how you described what the person went through as a stain that can't be removed because that's the reality in fact. Found a good balance with your vocab, flow was okay (bit stretched here and there but nothing too serious). Structure was nice and the emotion was raw, the feeling of pain that can't heal was very present in the piece. Dope drop!

My vote goes to CriTiC for the better emotion and nice twist of the topic. Retro, you did very good as well but made it lil harder on yourself by going with the whole doom thing.

DQ