PayDay is back with a lil something..."Erruptions" give me feedback...~1~
 

(Hook) 2x
I’m Last emcee stand-in, taking chains
Chronic flowin rhymes throughout ya veins
Killing you wit my ill chillin verbs
Brand-in ya ass wit eva lasting words


Verse 1

its respect we gain in this game//
For one ounce of fame//
Writing rhymes that flow like magma//
My volcanic tongue violently spits//

While Smoking herbs//
pumpin my blood in reverse//
Possessing a dangerous thirst//
Its got me Flyin high on Dracula’s curse//

Layin in a hearse I’m forever cursed//
I’m immortally writin ill chillin verses//
While yellin “Fuck You Bitches”//
Punchlines itch at my throat//

My gears got me churnin to learn//
My thoughts bubble and burn//
To the hospital I will send you rushin//
My blistering words are gush-in//

It’s the future so look past//
To the future through clear glass//
Eye sights cloudy with a large brain//
Staying higher than a 747 jet plane//

So be quick to think duckin the knuckles buck//
Fists violently swinging, screamin out OH FUCK//
With Bloody rains in the air weak eyes calmly stare//
Sirens in the midst lights glowing, and the bright lights glare//

And I’m givin a fuck for luck//
Steppin to this will get you stuck//
like Muddy knees you’re the roots of the tree//
Buzzin words like there are 1,000 bee’z//

But see, theres to many fees//
To many bullets flyin in threes//
To many Playin copy cat like it was tha past//
Thinking it’s cool to let autos blast//

But you can’t really fuck wit me//
I carry more toys than “Toys R’ Us”//
And they aint plastic --- but I zap like static//
I will leave you dead and erratic in a dark ass attic//

(Hook) 2x
I’m Last emcee stand-in, taking chains
Chronic flowin rhymes throughout ya veins
Killing you wit my ill chillin verbs
Brand-in ya ass wit eva lasting words

Verse 2

Whose as ghetto as me//
With the words I speak so freely//
Got me praying to god religiously//
With no one else I can trust but me//

The more I talk the more I cuss//
With greater chance to hear a gun bust//
I aint no pussy and that you can trust//
My words are lethal next to lust//

And I know you see me rappin//
With a beat while my feet is tappin//
With my hunger and pain so insane//
The look in my eyes proves I aint playin//

And you think I am full of it//
I am out there making it//
Making my cash, without sellin stash//
Not worrying about who finishes last//

Im JonJon I was built to last//
That guy you fear at flags half staff//
That sharp pain in your ass//
The stain ya get when you don’t wipe ya ass//
(Im the shit) LOL

And I’m going to be here forever//
The mind I poses is oh so clever//
I keep it full of knowledge on life//
Keeping it gangsta wit trillion cut ice//

my thoughts copy to the papers lines//
Writing the pain throughout the years//
Explaining why I have so many tears//
To the many-many piers that I have//

Keep ya head up, and never give up//
Life is too short to hold back//
You got to get them paper stacks//
This goes out to everyone struggling//


That is a lil something i did a while back, that i didnt realize i had wrote...give me some feedback...tell me wat i need to work on...wat u like...rate me...do watever, juss give feedback...and i will return...~1~

Uppin for that feedback...HOLLA

this shit was tite...i liked it...i give it a 8.5/10...keep droppin yo...

thanks for tha feedback homie...still uppin for more...~1~

this was not bad, welcome back PayDay............................................ . u need to up ur vocab slightly, but the flow was straight... good job.
pz..

Flow Was Tight.feelin' This Drop............8.5/10 Keep Em Comin'

thanks lady fiya, and grandz for tha feedback...good look...still uppin for feedback...~1~

UPPIN for some feedback...i will return the favor...~1~

my boi is backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkkkkkk

Oh Yea Mayn...i Am Back...a Little Wiser, Stronger, And Sucka Free...holla At Me Dogg...~1~

Enough Said Drop An Try Out I Know What U Can Do Mayne

But I Wanna See That "stronger" Word

Put That Shit In Play Homie

Wow...no doubt a nice piece...really feelin this new style of yours...really nice dawg...holla at me so we can get a collab or sumthin goin on...aight homie...nice shit...1

nice drop. Try stretching your line's out a bit more. You have some nice rhyme's in this, but I feel they could be a bit more tech.
good drop.keep them coming
return the feed
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=161070

thanks for tha feedback MAGIK and fi-del...and ure right fi-del...i started to record this shit, and it isnt flowing on beat right...it needs more words in each bar...i am workin on that right now...still uppin yalll...i will return tha favor...~1~

upppin peeps...let me know wat yall think

...............

sup yalll...yo trase thanks for the feedback? i think lol...i am gonna take that as u liked it, because there are no bad remarks...lol...still uppin

still uppin yall, dont let this sleep...i will return favor...~1~

Flow was pretty good...structure needs a slight adjustment, but since your flow is good it's fine...vocab could be upped a bit, but overall a nice piece...keep at it.

Hit up my Open mics in my sig...thanks.

thanks mayn...still uppin this open mic...i will return favors...~1~

still uppin for this feedback...will return favor...~1~

yea just work on ya structure an you should be good...leave feed on damn he's back lmao i brought that beastly open mic back...

thanks for tha feed fam...still uppin...~1~

upppppppppppppppin yalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Still Uppin For Some Feedback...i Will Have Audio Soon On This Shit...it Will Be Str8 Up Fire..~1~

that was pretty tight. tha verses were real thorough and alot better than some of the garbage peeps have in open mic these days. good structure and flow
holla at me

thanks for tha feedback TheWackestMC...still uppin for more...

I Liked it mayne **HONESTLY** Um If you Need some Advice id Say Try To Make It a lil More wordy ,..............I Know ppl say Not to B To wordy But ut was like you Cheated Yaself wit those short lines But Other Than That I Think you Should Record that Jus for a Demo or wateva..........And oh yeah Try To Work On Ya Vocabs .,But Those are basics and you prolly wont thiinkin bout it at the time were you? But other than that i seen no Mistakes

KEEP IT UP MYN!!!!

Hey Is Ya Battle against lil chubs closed or the link in ya sig dont work it jus comes up wit the Menu bar ?

chea...still uppin for some feedback in this bitch...i have audio for this, so if anyones wants to hear it pm me and i will hook you up with it...~1~