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One Cra-z Night
As the winds thrive past my face, the cold turning my face pale
My nose is red, my lips are chapped and ruff, my lips are so stale lights don’t work, kids broke them, -shakin my head and sighs On the dark road all I see is two white-eyes just pasting by Puts my hand in my pocket, take out an cigarette lights it Inhale, exhale like un-gravity my brain has been ……lifted Not even aware of my lungs, as it tightens and crushing I put my hands on my chest, I can feel the blood rushing To my head. My eyes is getting shady turning fade to black Inhaling my breath. Ready to exhale but I couldn’t do that My eyes rolling back to my head, couldn’t see. I’d scream Fell on my knees. I put my hand ova my eyes. ITS BURNING~! I got up from my knees, started running down the street didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t care. I needed help (beep beep) i turned where the sound was coming. And fell I’ve felted the tires throbbing viciously over my stomach Put my hand ova my mouth, theres goes the blood gushing I putted my hand on my stomach. Pain feels like labor pain I’d tookin one puff of my cigarette. Now my eyes are like ray Blinded to see the world. Pounded my hand on tha concrete with steam Putted my hand over my face. With my knuckles still firmly slowly bleeds Went to sleep. This world to me now is black. I have to use my senses Eyes, ears and feel, still mad at myself that I don’t have my …..lenses |
Uppin For Some Fucking Feedback
Chea~!............ |
Uppin For Feedbacks................................chea Come On Yo
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decent.. needs work though 6.5/10
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Blah.............................................. ...............uppin For More Feed
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it funny how ours were both got fucked up endings..lol..it was tyte though i liked it
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Lol Chea.............................................. .........uppin For Feed
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chea.............................................. ..................uppin fools
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Nice drop bro, Long time no talk, I wish u'd get on aim/aol.....haha P3C man
^________________________________^ Uppin |
good 8/10
what I fucked up ending LMAO Edit that ending now lol please it wsa good till the whole it was a dream shit came up lol take that out adn it'll be a 8.5/10 peace fam |
o hell naw fam whats sup........................................whats ya aim fam so i can get at cha
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Quote:
i just did...........................getting taught by the teacher....but one day the teacher shall be taugh :thumbup: |
hmm good stucture....i see you were putting time into your stucutre i really like your opener tho it was good use but rhymes not multis tho...but good use of rhymes....and stucture flowed well on this heres my fav line like i said the opener:
As the winds thrive past my face, the cold turning my face pale My nose is red, my lips are chapped and ruff, my lips are so stale ^^hot line keep working on stucture kind fell off a lil bit...but not bad still flowed man...8.3/10 |
I thought the structure could be changed a bit, it couldbe your personnal style of writing,so you know the flow. good lyric's.
7.5/10 |
well there aint no other fonts
my style-is like oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oo ^^^^^^^^^ thats kinda my style but the lines going to be so stretchy and shit........thats how i write on paper...........chea feel me but thanks for the feedback uppin for more feeds chea |
uppin for more feedbacks......................................... chea
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