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4fil vs led poetic
Battle Rules:
20 - 50 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting topikal......... topik = "oportunity knocks"
Minimum posts to vote: 250 Check in by: 12-12-04 at 05:40 AM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. Old, expired battle win |
k its here.....
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led poetic has ACCEPTED this battle on 12-09-04 05:41 AM.
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Deliverance From Fear (Opportunity Knocks) I looked out the window while I sat my confusion on my elbow… The night camouflaged the ghostly liquid streaming down my face… Dropping to my feet sounding as if cries of help escaped from my pupil.. He caught two… He held a part of me trapped in his hand… In the other.. I struggle to break free but his grip was to strong My mind laid mangled in distress I need to unpack these contrary thoughts… He held a scream in his fist… He open his right hand, and a scream was let out A scream that was contain and apart of me for so long The man exam the liquid as if his eyes were a magnified glass… Every mistake, memory and feeling I had he knew. Nothing was a secrete He spoke volumes but simple, trustful and touching words He told me that “having fear is being in bondage and I should cast all my cares on him” Stunned and I question his present. “who are you to me? No one…” The radiant eyes of this man became foggy. “Do not be afraid my child As I was with Mosses I will be with you” I knew who he was now… My God…My Savior The God that I thought forgotten about me Just because he does not come when I want him to… …does not mean he left me… His present comforts me, and his voice rocked me back and forth This is my opportunity to be free.. My chance to make things right …My Deliverance… |
4fil has ACCEPTED this battle on 12-09-04 07:24 PM.
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yo man are you going to drop at anytime?... or do i just get a noshow win?
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yo sorry bout the wait... i've been on holiday at my batch, wait ill go write some shit now
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Life is like a pack of playing cards, the cards being the opportunities….. ….. You must use the hand you are dealt wisely ..::Opportunity knocks::.. :Intro Another hard day’s work, grinding metal on the construction site
Despite low pay and long hours, I need the money to survive I come home exhausted, enter my home, shit its been broken into… …again, I called the police… but no one knows truly what I been through I gazed around the room, T.V. gone, fridge gone everything gone I cry for a bit, pull myself together and try to be strong What did I do wrong on life… did I just take the easy path I failed my class, I should have studied for science and math Gotten a better job, stopped for this pathetic life Get wife, been alone for ages, aint even got a car to drive I should have thought about my future when it really mattered But from 16 onwards my life just fell and splattered I should have used the opportunities that were given Then I may have had a life that was worth living :verse I sat on my bed, tears trickling down my eyes
Cold and lonely, suddenly I thought of suicide My pride was low, then I thought of a new job I picked up the news paper, and my eyes just stopped On an article about a movie, I thought I could star in that I got my hopes up, put the paper down on my lap Imagined me as a super star, so I decided to go audition Got the bus into town, and I was high off my ambitions Entered the apartment house, looking for room number 23 Knocked on the door, and a young lady looks at me “can I help you” she said “um, I’m here about the film” she says “oh ok… this way” and signalled to come in there were about 20 other people there, all for the same thing all for the same reason of just pursuing a dream The auditions began, and I had to act out a scene So I began with feeling, but everyone was as keen After that was over we were told to have a seat I was so confident, I though I had the opposition beat The lady said “there are five parts” and began reading My name wasn’t called……….. inside I began screaming NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO I got home, and sat down in my same depressed stage Gazed at the paper with the job… then I riped up that page I clenched my fists, then tears rolled from my eyes And then it came again…. The thought of suicide I stood up… went and walked out onto my deck Gazed over and jumped… landed and smashed my neck .................................................. ...................................... ………………………………………… ……………. There are no opportunities that come to you, you have to find them |
dude......... good verse...... but none of your shit rhymes?
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uppin for votes!
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Voted For: 4fil
Hmm...was led poetic's verse even a verse? I saw no rhyme scheme whatsoever...if it was a poem, then hell yeah it was a dope poem, but the battle says TOPICAL. Every topical I have seen rhymes...but other than that 4hil came dope wit this...flow, imagery, vocab, everythin...led poetic had that, only if he woulda spit a topical verse. No hate. Return the favor please. Battle: 9th Degree Topical: Metaskriptz Wack Battle aka Waste of Time: stg Audio: Infector Mindz Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
its called a freeverse style... you dont know very much about this
we went through this same shit over on RB when i beat dev because i went freeverse on that aswell |
well........ i dont really no much about RB..... but on Rv..... topikal.... you use rhymes
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oi dont be a dick and disqulify votes.... thats just herbish
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This was feedback posted for 4fil
Oooh, wat a load of crap. Il be very surprised if you win this. The other guy would have to be terrible to lose to this.
"NO NO NO NO NO NO" -What the fuck is this!?!? |
weedex you a fucking whore.... stop hating on me and fuck off you cock
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uppin this........
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Voted For: 4fil
I think that 4fil got this battle because i feel that 4fil came stronger in the following categories...Topic i felt 4fil got it was effective and was on point Led Poetic u shoulda been a bit more creative on this occasion rhyming i felt went to 4fil seeing as Led Didn't even rhyme it's a topical not a poetic battle...wordplay and creativity goes to 4fil and flow and structure i'll give to 4fil. V/4fil RTF on this plz... http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=166392 |
Voted For: led poetic
this was a good battle altogether.... LED:again your piece was nice...i liked your structure it was dope...you story line was good....and vocab was great.....and a good flow...nice piece overall....overall:9/10 . . 4fil:you had a good piece to..i liked your strucutre....you had a pretty good story line....but the only thing that threw you off was your flow...it wasn't there...and wasn't really feeling it...good piece from both....overall:8/10 |
and as for you 4fil.... it has nothing to do with RB its called freeversing it... its a style to writing poetry / topical verses and just writing ingeneral...
but yeah uppin |
aight whatever....... thats your style.... all good...
but when i do topicals.... i just rhyme |
This was feedback posted for 4fil
checking polls............................................. ..
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Voted For: 4fil
yo this is to long to brake down so if this aint good enough pm me to add on to my brake down aight..... Led Poetic dont ever use them small lettering ever again u made it mad hard to read and follow ya shit so right there u lost cool-aid points.... but ya verse was soiled u stood on topic and had a couple of emotion brought out well but the structure was all fucked up but not a bad verse 7.5/10 4fil u'r verse was one i can relate to more with the contruction thing looking for money to servive is what i use to do constrction but i lost that job due to pricks who talk shit but anyways i felt u had more focus on this topic u stood on topic u made the read feel as if u was telling a real life story and had me into it all the way the intro was good the verse was good all around tight flow nice structure was way better and easy to read and follow u won this hands down... 9.0/10 * if it need to be more in depth let me know and i will..... |
thanks for that.... uppin for votes
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uppin..........
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Voted For: 4fil
I felt a lil in this topical but no hate you had some good versus to. But his topical just spoke to me more and he had some good lines that I thought where iight and these are the lines that got my vote. I sat on my bed, tears trickling down my eyes Cold and lonely, suddenly I thought of suicide My pride was low, then I thought of a new job I picked up the news paper, and my eyes just stopped On an article about a movie, I thought I could star in that I got my hopes up, put the paper down on my lap Imagined me as a super star, so I decided to go audition Got the bus into town, and I was high off my ambitions And I think he just played the topical well and you did to but just keep working on it peace. And hit up on my links please. |
oh shit I ment lil and hit up on 4fil's could a mod just please reverse the vote or close that vote thnx. dammit sorry lol ;D.
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reverse the vote? but i thought that you said that you liked me verse better???
Whats with you? |
Voted For: 4fil
breakdown spoke about subject more clearly..4 enjoyed..4 vocab..4 wordplay..4 flow..4 overall 4fil...there i 4filled my vote..haha (this is were you laugh) haha wunluv e.z |
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