Father Please...
 

iight heres a inner battle topic i used agains WickedClown...and im inpress by myself...here it is


Doctor's told that he only had 5 minutes to live,nothing to panic...
Maybe they could save him,my first time seing something tragic...
I heard some screems in room 27,still remember the number...
My dad passed away when i was eleven,i lost a family member...
Till then,here i go thinking of him again,still tears to my eyes...
my mom came to the house with new step-father...i wasint surprised...
she thaught it would'nt bother,but it did,so we hated each-other...
now today,i went to see his grave,told him how we behaved...
and that without him....i was feeling like a slave....i wished to see you again...
but for now...daddy...i will always remember you...never forget me...
as someone who helped me,i wanna tell you....rest in peace...

damn, dat shit is cold as hell. i gives it a 8.5/10. dats hot. check out my thread..."STRAIGHT FOOLIN!!!". i would put a link on here but i dont know how to so check it out when you get a chance. ~1~

yo, that shit was sick Spitty, you are gettin better kid. Just keep at it, I rate this about 7.5/10.

damn thanks...uppin this...my first timwe having a good rate like this lol

content I'll give you a straight ten but the rhyming I can only give you a three because you rushed into this and didn't capture the true feeling of sadness

upppin this...thanks for the feedback yall

hot as fuck datz sum deep shit right here

thanks alot....uppinn

feedback please

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uppin please....leave links so i could give you feedback too

Up-in Plea-se...

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uppin one more time

man i was taken back by that u got some good shit dwag u got deep emotions.

thanks alot man

ok well youve elevated a little bit but only on vocab as i see...your starting to force lines...i didnt understand some of that..but it was a good use of vocab and shit you know what i mean...but you also used a good use of emotion and metaphores...

shit man being honest here you are gettin worse..but still good vocabulary...weerd

7.3/10

this was a good piece written with feeling, but it was one line in there standing alone, like half a bar with no rhyme, it was the only discouraging thing though.

iight imma work on that next time

iight upupupupupu

it was alright but i could pul better shit outa my ass. i dont rate other peoples shit cause they all 10/10 in there own way

thanks man.........