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Anxiety vs ~Lady Fiya~
Battle Rules:
20-40 Lines Crew Votes ALLOWED No Recycling No Biting No B/s blah u know the rules.. TOPIC= Lost Souls hopefully my computer won't act crackish again, good luck anxiety drop whenever u get online........ and check in whenever, stay up.. sowwi for the delay and all.. Minimum posts to vote: 400 Check in by: 12-27-04 at 08:06 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
~Lady Fiya~ has ACCEPTED this battle on 12-24-04 08:07 PM.
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The Wake I hear the echoes from voices of the melancholy moan over my still body Discolored from recent autopsy, agony days ago, the next I’ll be rotting I stand beside my husband as he stretches his arm to caress my casket Already a “has been”, he drops 2 distinct roses, the deep hole grasps it I whisper in his ear, he quickly turns around and walks right through me I have to get used to this feeling, my beloved not hearing words I breathe Cemetery Nights After the pastor phrased his “Amen”, my new bed has been this grave First few lonely nights are without warm welcome, climate is always rain Pouring down, slicing me then hit’s the cold soil and worn tombstones Only 1 day every year will I see my loved one, this is cannot be my home I’m surrounded by the empty space, yet my new neighbors have departed to go visit their old residence, a foggy environment isn’t where their heart is and I sit here year after year.. Pretending not to be disturbed I plan to leave I wanted to be free, my physical was no longer in charge of outer parts of me Return Home I glided a mile and a quarter through the streets ’til I reached my sweet home Noticing an old blue Chevy in the driveway, my husband must have loaned The tulips, he must have pulled them up, our lawn now surrounded by daisies I lean towards the screen door, it still had the tear in it, the wooden door fading unfamiliar voices I hear, I open the door as it screeched a little girl looked at me dropped her doll near the fireplace, a thin woman came down the stairs quickly I moved aside as she closed the door back, and shivered picking up the child Telling her it’s time to go to bed, I lost focused when the warm air was chilled she grabbed the child going to the stairs, 2 strangers I follow to the upper floor Up the steps, still creaking the way I remembered, there I opened the left door My bedroom was not as I had left it, the bed was replaced with a desk and chair The nightstand had a tall glass of water, a key chain, a comb with strands of hair Attached, the lamp was dim and flickered once I got near, radio went outta tune I wanted it off, in disbelief this isn’t my room, I can’t take sharp stinged perfume so ignorin my closet, i head towards the bathroom on my right the air is clearer My blue towels were replaced with striped ones, I glanced in this long mirror I wanted to tear up, I have not seen the one I loved nor found where I belong The search was over my reflection was enough, the vacant space is my home Non-Conclusion I have no where else to go, the possibilities are slim to none as it was before Everything that was mine is someone else’s, I made my way to the main door I glare behind, forgetting one place I thought would always be my household My memory is the last storage for where my physical could no longer control But that too, is soon to vanish, I felt so empty, lonely & completely banished This realm I can’t to handle, but my Heavenly father won’t waive my challenge |
anxiety has ACCEPTED this battle on 12-24-04 10:11 PM.
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[CENTER]Grew up in a good home, middle class suburban... Maken like 200 grand a year cause his dad's a surgeon... Joins the football team, cause he wants to fit in... Sometimes he would be ready to kill if his team didnt win... Grades dropped... So him and his dad yeah they faught... Sometimes it would be days at a time till they stopped... Depression kicked in, now he was startin medication... His new found girl was now his soul dedication... But when they started to go through rough times... He would take his forearm, cry and cut lines... He got busted at school, when he went there drunk... And got expelled when they found a QP in his trunk... His dad beat em, he walked away with a black eye... But he didnt want no one to know, who he'd been attacked by... Couldnt handle it anymore and moved to his mom's in Yuma... And he would soon realize that Yuma can ruin ya... His mom wasnt a great influence, as a matter of fact... She bought him alcohol and ciggarets every time he asked... Actually smoked weed with him too, he was only a teen... Too young to see his mom taken a hit of the green... School became a priority, to everyone but him... Chance at any future at all starting to look quite grim... Got mixed up with the wrong crowd, a good chance for death... Started doin real drugs, snorting coke and doin meth... Pay like 30 bucks to get a O of mexican brick weed... But then your wastin precious time while your tryna pick seeds... Got caught high, now he got a 2 year probation... But since he doesnt care, he's still fuckin blazin... Met Ryan, twenty seven and doesnt have a life at all... Now any chance he had at success just hit the wall... Drops out of school, not like he ever really went... Now his mom is asking him to help her pay the rent... He cant, he wants to quit drugs, he says that he's had it... But after like a minute he knows he cant kick the habit... So almost daily its the same scene, him smokin his meth... Pipe up to his mouth, inhale and start holdin his breath... Cant get out of Yuma, its like a maze with no exit... And trying to wipes you out, escape is so hectic... Now his whole life feels like he's walking on hot coals... Just add one more to the toll, of this planets lost souls...[/CENTER] |
nice drop anxiety, i was feeling this a whole lot......... and nice topic, u picked..
good luck, stay up, fam.. :thumbup: |
Word... Nice verse...
Good Luck:thumbup: . . . . . . . |
Voted For: anxiety
Aiight.. Anxiety: Dope verse through and through.. your imagery was basically flawless i seen no mistakes at all in your verse imagery-wise.. Vocab was also pretty good, could have been better but then again everyone's vocab could be better... flow was on point for most of the verse... you consistently stayed on topic.. and i liked the sequence of events... good wordplay and depth dope piece fave lines: He cant, he wants to quit drugs, he says that he's had it... But after like a minute he knows he cant kick the habit... So almost daily its the same scene, him smokin his meth... Pipe up to his mouth, inhale and start holdin his breath... just sickness evolved^^ overall : 9/10 lady~fiya: aiight.. your verse was also pretty dope... imagery definately better than anxietys but he got you in flow, wordplay, and consistency... your verse was alot harder to follow which means either its real complex or not written as well as it could have been and i think it's a mixture of the two.. some of the lines were stretched too much and you could have shortened the lines with unnecessary words. basically you had a good verse and alot more than i expected from you but it didnt stand up to anx's verse fave lines : I stand beside my husband as he stretches his arm to caress my casket Already a “has been”, he drops 2 distinct roses, the deep hole grasps it that was probably the best wordplay in this battle and good flow but it was only one dope bar of wordplay and flow the rest was average overall : 8/10 vote: anxiety return the favor... link in sig |
Voted For: ~Lady Fiya~
Anxiety... your verse was good... your flow was on point... your structure was good... your emotion was there but i wasnt feeling it that much.... imagery was strong and i really liked it,.... you stayed on topic for the most part and didnt really drift off at all... nice verse Lady... Your verese was also good,... your stanzas was really on point and none drifted from the topic.... your emotion was strong in this and your imagery was amazing... very nice piece... i give this to you |
why is this battle getting slept on.....?! goodness, uppin........... this some hot shit right here......... uppin fa both.. :thumbup:
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Voted For: ~Lady Fiya~
oh my god i didnt know you could do topical visionary: Ladyi fiya. this shit right here was crazy Structure: lady fiya..its not even a question DAMN this peace was nice. i didnt evne have to read the whole thing to determin who won. its Quite obvious lady fiya took this |
hoes hoes hoes. ill explain more becuz i didnt have time
Lady FIya. i could feel your concept. more. it hit me more. especially for your first Topical. this was on fire. good ending. i was feelin this whole thing. the structure was good aswell. It was readable. and i enjoyed readin it. shit was fiya. we gotta battle sometime.. Anxiety: blah ur shit was dope too. i liked ur concept aswell but u know there can only be 1 winner. urs was jus a lil bit below hers...she merked u in structure though. but uve elevated in topicals. ..good battle. vote: lady fiya |
Lmao at me getting merked in structure... I mean.. I agree... But my shit flows perfect, so who cares?
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Voted For: anxiety
ok lady fiya good drop good creativity also but you basically jumped right into the story and that kinda hurt you you flow was off badly structure was madd streched visuale was very good but the story just aint come that good it was basic in a sense and not discriptive enough not saying it wasnt good but anixety had such a strong verse it completly overshadowed me reading yours. anixety fucking dope im voting you topical head of the month for this all day dope flow and structure the story was fucking spectacular its as if you started with a match and built up to a forest fire the visuale was crazy your words were like a mental movie here the ender was dope started off dope you basically just told a better story here and aganist most anybody else lady fiya wouldve won but your verse was just too good. |
Damn Emp... Thanks for the vote.. Upping...
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This was feedback posted for ~Lady Fiya~
leavin feedback for fiya girl this was good normally people who aint used to doin topicals have trouble adjusting but you was good here niice vocab imaginary was good an the way you set it up intregued me an kept me entertained in the story overall i think you did very good verse 8/10 overall weerd stay up ma =1=
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Voted For: ~Lady Fiya~
Well this was a very good battle that has been slept on. So Ima contribute what I can right now... Anxiety: Aiight lemme go peep... kk. Well...I think you had a not bad verse. You Stayed on topic which is always good. I liked how you tied in a few multies in there. I didnt really like the ... after every line. Possibly coulda fixed up vocab a bit. Also you could have maybe centered your verse to make it look less bunched up. Also, maybe next time you could use some metas, those are some descriptive helpers when it comes to topicals...I mean they really leave a nice overall effectivness. Props tho dawg, ima have to give you.... Overall: 68/100 Lady Fiya Aiight Fiya, im gunna read yours here. haha, dope...lemme break it down for ya. Alright well you stayed on topic the entire time and so well. I didnt catch any metas in your verse as I said to Anxiety, but I think other things about yours made up for it. All your lines were almost perfectly aline which is a tough thing to do in topicals. You had a nice clean looking verse, first appearance was attractive...even with a smaller font you verse didnt look all bunched up. Very nice imagry throughout whole verse. Your vocab was pretty good too...its not always about using larger words, I feel your diction was perfect in describing the situation. Gave me a good feel of the setting and characters. One more thing, I dont usually like when topicals are divided into sections...but this style is new to me and I must say was very effective. Fiya, you hounestly did a great job and have got a lot of skillz. Keep it up cause your gettin my vote today. Overall: 94/100 Well props to both and no hard feeling but someones gotta win and in my personal opinion Lady Fiya took this one. But hey, it aint up to me...let the votes compose a winner. |
Please return the favor with an hounest vote of your own...like I always say, topical heads gotta stick together cause most other ppl wont vote on our verses. (Too much reading)... http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=147152
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word.. thanx this battle has been getting slept on.. it must be too hot for rv.. hee hee naw JUST JOKING! i'll return the favor now.. and thanx Virtue for the feedback, i appreaciate that.. upppppin.................! :thumbup:
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Quote:
Center it? Obviously i tried that, hence the [/center] or whatever at the beggining and end of the verse... Lines werent strechted anyways, not to mention it doesnt matter how "bunched up" a verse is... The ... after every line is my style... I mean seriously kid, you are rating my font and shit more than my verse... I don't care that you voted for lady fiya, she had a dope verse... But to give me a 68 and to give her a 94 makes me think you didn't read it my verse, honestly... Emotion, Imagery, and Flow are the three main parts of topicals... And you are rating me on my metas and my ... at the end of my lines... How fucking whack. |
Voted For: ~Lady Fiya~
Lady gets this one, I felt her more in this topic she had better strucutre good worplay and she had me feeling as if I was in the topic and as if she was living in the topic herself. But u had a few stretched lines and this is what help lady get this one so over all lady gets my vote. 8/10 Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
This was feedback posted for ~Lady Fiya~
^^^UPPIN' THIS FOR Y'ALL!!!^^^
checkin' the polls... very nice work from both of you.........keep the good job up folkers. one. s.v. |
^^^lol........i meant to say "keep up the good job folkers". sorry........im not meaning to free post in here.
s.v. |
Voted For: ~Lady Fiya~
damn Lady fiya Im Lovin This rii Here But N e way Back to The matter at Hand Lady fiya did very well Came very Flawless LOL I Never seen a structure like that on here since I dont know when but she brought some originality to this battle so thats why she gets my vote Anxiety You did good as well but just not good enough its like in some areas youd have my attention then other areas id be bout to go to sleep or watching TV lol But no hate mayne you did good but always remember you dont always need a good hook at the begining you need hooks all thruogh ya piece if you know what i mean ....its to hold the readers attention Peace PRETTY PLEASE RETURN THE FAVOR I ONLY HAVE ONE BATTLE SO PLEASE RETURN THE FAVOR Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
uppin for some "real" votes... i can't believe this shit is STILL open.. vote up, kiddies. :thumbup:
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ROFL Scarface was talking bout hooks like we did a song battle... OMG close this shit, upppinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
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can you say upppppppppppppppppppppin.......................... ......................
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blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uppin this battle ONCE again.. :thumbup:
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Voted For: ~Lady Fiya~
I think that Lady Fiya got this battle because i feel that Lady Fiya came stronger in the following categories...Topic i felt Lady Fiya got it was effective and was on point anxiety i was feelin it but Lady Fiya was real creative in her piece Imagery and vividness i felt went to Lady Fiya good lookin wordplay and creativity goes to Lady Fiya and flow and structure i'll give to Lady Fiya. V/Lady Fiya RTF In My Sig 3 days or vote removed |
The non-conlusion thing LF used was cool coz it was like her piece wasn't really over also the layout was real even flow was real good and topic was on point to the core it was a very good piece very poetic in its own way.
Anxiety...it was another good drop by yourself but to me it was kinda like an underestimation of you opponent coz the drop itself while on topic jus didn't come across the way Fiyas did...may be because of the screw up in trying to centre it...but still words are words...flow and structure good too but it wasn't enough to win this im afraid Nice battle though both should be pleased with their spits |
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