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Personify vs final
Battle Rules:
30 Lines Max No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting This is a topical battle...Topic is:Freedom at a distance If you dont understand something in either persons verse...please dont vote Good luck peace Minimum posts to vote: 500 Check in by: 01-02-05 at 12:46 AM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
final has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-01-05 12:47 AM.
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Personify has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-01-05 12:47 AM.
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a glimpse of the outside influences the right minds to huddle and overide the boundary called time theres a bundle of thoughts not yet expressed at this perspective to end this obstacle causing death and fatal infections a scene forms into my sight, the view shows an oasis recognizing that i am part of hells misplacement dealt with too much we lost our spirit and good health at that place angels flock with grace and flooded in wealth escaping the laws and rules of imagination staring at this glistened palace, maybe a new nation appointed as a crazy, degrading individual the view is mystifying and looks empty of criminals from this hellbound life, its encaged and tarnished here and the effect of situations almost always comes tears geared into a new light with no pulse or rapid fright no 6th sense sensing peoples fudes about to ignite like a slight prick gettin attention, no more differences or a mind full of more then horrific images time to get lose and break through those freedom blocking gates and maybe soon we'll venture to that far but friendly place |
They strip us and tell us how we should look a European bully
They speak in a foreign tongue so we do not understand fully Life within this room is all of my thoughts I ponder on the pain and pleasure that it has brought These chains depress me and keep my personality shadowed I am not the leader of this trend and yet I am still followed Emotion repressed by people's unneeded fears, It cannot be stopped because of their shedding of tears. My feelings and body are exposed as I am whipped like a slave As my mind wanders I remember all of the sins I once forgave My friends and family give in and let their soul be deprived They say nothings worse than death; I do not even feel alive. Air is my food, or a roach that runs across my floor Why must I suffer because of other people's war? Separated my male and female, how are we to live? They keep telling us to unleash more, yet we have nothing to give! Religion is our union; it is the only way we can relate, Because we even argue over who has the worst fate. The conditions make us vomit, and diseases are plentiful We are considered outcasts because our religion makes us horrible I despise my life; these people make me feel worthless If I just live how they say then my pain is supposed to hurt less? They send me to a chamber, but inside I wonder why? As they close the door, they ask, “Are you ready to die?" The women cry, and the begin their final prayers, The people listen and laugh because they do not care. It is not fair; while we suffer, everyone else takes life for granted, You can see your home while now I am blinded. This is the last place I will see, the last place I will remember, No this is not a Nazi camp, this is Society's Chamber. I knew I would leave this to the last minute. Ok case you did not catch it, I was metaphors. It seems like I was talking about a Nazi prison camp, where they were told to dress, had almost no food, conditions were deplorable, etc... However, the twist is that it is all metaphors for real life. I dont have time to use them all, but think about it. Starvation of food-- starving of individuality. gas chamber- suffocated by peer pressure and giving in separated by sex- sexism, how people should dress List goes on and on, but you really need to think about it. There is a lot of symbolism, and if you dont get it then you will not get my poem. By the way, the topic: freedom from a distance, my freedom is to be a individual, so having the freedom to be different in a society that frowns upon it. Vote Honest or Not At All. px |
Sorry it took so long to drop final, I kept putting it off. Nice drop. gl
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werd...i bet on everythin u got this lol i shouldve put more work oh well good battle anyway peace
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Dang no votes? Not even a feedback. uppin^^^^^^^^^
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I think you made the post count too high. O well. All votes returned.
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This was feedback posted for Personify
just checking the pollz............................
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Holy shit, someone checked the polls! You know to me that is just a way to freepost. If you check the polls, leave feedback and tell us something useful.
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Voted For: Personify
Damn this is a very good battle, the best i've read dis month, both verses had very good meanings in them and great metaphors.. Final: You vocabulary took this one in here, but your story line was a story line that many ppl would of used, even I probably would of used that kind of storyline..though it was a simple story line, the way you wrote it was still better then average.. Flow: 10/10 Vocab:8/10 Structure: 9/10 Story Line: 7/10 34/40 Personify: Wow, very good verse man, the vocab wasn't as good in here, but your story line was just amazing, I really like your metaphors in there too, good job, the last line in this verse was very good also.. You should really work on ur vocab, that really helps your explain ur verses more with less words.. Flow: 10/10 Vocab:7/10 Structure: 9/10 Story Line: 9/10 35/40 this was a very close battle, I almost didn't even vote in it due to how close it was, much props to most n g' luck |
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It was very close final your story line was just common which made me harder to pick who won the match...Personify I liked your whole verse it was a good verse and a good story line, you had metaphors BUT you had not as good as vocabulary as final it was so so close the match that I couldnt pick if I could still vote I would vte for neithr cuz tought it was a tie
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This was feedback posted for Personify
Okay, i made a fully explained vote but since i don't have enough posts i can't vote...
Dope battle from both of you...Final got vocab but Personify got creativity for sure. The way he approached the topic is just so nice, i enjoyed reading both drops but if i could vote, i'd vote for Personify. Final, your drop was real good too, vocab was impressive, structure n flow were tight. Very readable too so solid drop! Personify, that was ill...Vocab wasn't too complicated but you got me focussed the entire time, i just had to continue to read...Real nice job man! |
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Is it really that hard to drop some feedback. maybe a vote?
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This was feedback posted for final
ok final is in my crew personify pm when you get another battle so i can drop a honest vote on it in return for the one you dropped on mine;)
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