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Final vs Premanition
Battle Rules:
0-30 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting TOPICAL BATTLE Topic = Energy Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 01-06-05 at 03:33 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
Premanition has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-04-05 01:24 PM.
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THE ENERGY OF LIFE
. . . Energy of a kinetic source cause friction in veins… Cells of blood raise to temperature of unknown strains… Heart distressed, vibrations like earthquake on stefascope… Uncompromising sweat surface, but glands forever cope… One goal apparent, pupil’s iris has surroundings in focus… Uncommon situation wen eyes c things that brains not noticed… Pressure exerted on shoulders like an unhealthy weight… Clock ticking away but result of question is harmfully late… Difficult to imagine ‘force’ required to succeed here… Exhale dramatically slow in failing bid to relieve fear… Faces of loved ones shadow sunlight with expectation… Failure ‘greeted’, well never, then just a distant relation… Communication breakdown, not one wave of sound… Negative vibes breath, while hope seems nearly drowned… Step forward, one glance behind at the sea of spectators… Extreme gasp for air, each lung a viscous respirator… Nessel into blocks, visible vessels through arm tension… Not to mention this pain on carves is now torrential… Head lifted, parallel to line the promised destination… Silent not a sound, no excuse for lack in concentration… . . . BANG . . . Excruciating pain, an extraordinary push… Everything thrown a’head’, even blood in all the rush… Magnetic is the energy, the finish now in sight… One last push forward and everything will surely be alright… Mission complete, the tunnel descends and ‘life’ is bright… As I awake from my coma to see family faces in the light… . . . . Never Underestimate Yourself In The 'RACE' For Life! |
final has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-04-05 03:02 PM.
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sorry i took so long i was doing other things too had to get this out of the way sooner or later i know your good so you probably got this good luck
peace it can be a fluid that transforms your brain into dellusions or makes you stupid depending on if you misused it whether your einstein or clueless it can be your advantage can develop you into riches and leave your body enchanted its what runs through you before and after a fist fight a source for adrenaline causin veins to be ripped and tight acknowledge it and take advantage,maybe perform a change use it to your highest capabilities until the very last grain remember it can create ambition to more then your heart and determination to make it regardless if your smart it gives you a new light to shine on no matter the past it picks you up after you've fallen to go to your given path seperate dillemas and clear the way to release the pain and operate on a new brain to disreguard any heartache let me begin a tale relating to rap and making it to the game when energy relieved stress,kept me going,much more to gain everyone sayin ill never make it like findin a needle in a haystack bringin my hope and dreams down to a point where i never laughed i thought i wouldnt be able to make it knowin the odds of it happenin but i searched within myself ignored all else and i had high averagin energy brought my dream back alive maybe now i can make it after all i have the ambition to speak with music in a new language on the brink of confusion it can keep your head up and not let you fall so let it be known that energy inspires and sparks within us all... |
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Voted For: Premanition
Very close battle... Imagery- Prem... Flow- Close, but Prem for better syllable count... Structure- Final...Prem's was slightly uneven... Vocabulary- Close, but Prem... Story- Prem...actually had a story Beginning- Prem End- Prem No hate, but Prem gets this...better imagery, better flow...good vocab...Final you dope, but I dunno...it's just somethin out ya topicals I just don't like...like it just sounds like a report to me :(. No hate...return the favor...peace. |
^^By the way...my links to my open topicals are in my sig...return the favor on them...
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Voted For: Premanition
Vote: Prem Final: Goos drop, gd vocab, on point structure and it flowed really well....however in topicals i think its best if u got a stort to ur drop or a tale or messgae and you didnt really have this...i was feelin yours as more of a poetic drop...it lacked vivid imagery...you covered the topic well and stcuk to it...overall-8/10 Premanition Tight vocab, and you used it in the right places where it was needed..you had a story to ur drop but would have like to see it develop more.....structuree was decent and ur drop flowed well...you had a nice ending line something to eflect on..you had a sick bar which sounded heavy and created gd imagery: One goal apparent, pupil’s iris has surroundings in focus… Uncommon situation wen eyes c things that brains not noticed… ^^i thought that was dope....a lil amount of emotion in ur piece..you stayed on topic most of th time with a few off top places...overall-9/10 no h8 final RTF-links in sig.. Peace |
aight thanks, uppin................................
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This was feedback posted for Premanition
decent topical battle...
...just checking polls though |
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This was feedback posted for Premanition
checkin the polls.
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Voted For: final
Final: Your piece was pretty good.. It started off solid.. and the first 2 bars were your best bars of the battle.. and thats what you need.. make the opening lines good and you got the reader hooked.. wordplay was good.. structure could have been better as could vocab.. decent emotion but i didnt see much depth in it until the last couple bars.. you didnt really go deeper into the subject.. you more or less described what energy was.. which wasnt a bad way to go either... overall : 8.7/10 Premanition: dope piece also.. you had better vocab, but the emotion wasnt there for the whole first half of the verse.. and in a topical emotion makes the piece better.. no wordplay but u didnt really need it because your vocab made up for that.. you came more deep than final.. but the 2 biggest things i had with your verse was... the opening didnt grasp my attention, after the first couple bars i didnt even want to read it anymore.. but it got a lil better as u went foward... 2nd thing was the switch in your verse..you went from a discription piece to a vivid piece out of nowhere.. you didnt give any sign that the consistency of the desciption part of the verse was going to change.. so i kinda didnt understand when the kid woke up.. i was thinking where did that come from.. but i read again and understood it a bit better overall :7.2/10 vote: final http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=171392 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE return the favor with an honest vote on this battle |
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aight thanks ill return the favor no doubt...
uppin |
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