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Drama Queen vs 3rd-Shift
Battle Rules:
30 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Topic: You're pregnant but your partner doesn't want you to keep the baby G'luck... Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 01-10-05 at 10:32 AM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
Drama Queen has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-07-05 10:36 AM.
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3rd-Shift has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-07-05 10:47 AM.
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18 years of prison is my sentence for thoughtless conception//
i wish i didnt have to face learnin this lesson even though life is a blessin// my girl is stressin bout the baby havin 5 fingers and toes// im thinkin "i cant even support myself how we gonna get through these woes"// i wish i would have kept on my clothes, resisted her sex appeal// maybe i can skip town caz this stress is to real// i aint even told my parents yet, how they gonna react???// to the fact that im a teen father, my dad'll check my veins for crack// my cell rings, my girl sings about girl and boy names// its then i realized that abstinence is the strategy to win the sex game// i sit holdin my head in my hands life is turned to shit// i used to say i'll marry my baby mama but NOT THIS CHICK!!!// so do i perpetuate the cycle of strugglin single momz???// to pursue my life dreams when i know that its wrong// aint no way my son or daughter gonna cry for welfare// to see them better off than i, i'll work 5 jobs i dont care// but the timing aint rite have an abortion baby do us a favor...// we aint ready plus i aint got the stomach to watch u in labor// you refuse now lord jesus wat wuld u have me to do// hire a hit man and end up like that nigga rae carruth??/// or sip rubbin alc until my liver quiver an i pass away// whatever just as long as i can give this burden away// i mean i care for my child but u bringin on our family suffering// im 18 and the only job i can get is making next to fucking nothing!!!// i see what they mean when they say minutes equal a lilfe of pain// caz if i would've never played AL GREEN they're'd be no strain// everyday passes slower exhaustin my escape from this doom// all because of what this is growin inside your womb..... DAMN...... |
Emptyness Used to be a time where I didn't give a damn and just lived my life
Partied all day and night,fun was my only object,no stress or strife Always smiled,never frowned although the relationships weren't profound But sweet pleasant childhood memories come back as i take a look around Grew up in a warm nurturing nest filled with love,so extremly blessed Who would've thought I'd turn out to be a careless woman without a quest I suddenly realize that my biological clock keeps ticking when I see Couples with their kids cheering so playful with such a vivid esprit My heart aches due to this emptyness I experience deep inside my core Although I have a beautiful loving girlfriend I adore, I can't ignore This pain of missing something in my life which she can't give to me Tell her about my sorrow,tears in my eyes,not thinking she'd disagree Her facial expression betrays her inner thoughts and she utters a sigh Asking me why,doubting the love I have for her which I of course deny But she doesn't listen,closes the door behind her back and just leaves Me with an even bigger emptyness,confused and hurt as I run to Steve's Destiny Fullfilled My hands are shaking as I pick up the phone,no more reason to postpone Scenarios running through my head,silently praying that she's not home Shiver goes down my spine,so insecure and scared when I dial Lisa's number Struggle to control myself while she's calm as a child in dreamless slumber Beg her to acknowlegde and accept the helpless lil creature inside my body But she refuses,claiming what we shared had always been cheap and shoddy I collapse,fall down on the floor,all my goals and deepest dreams so shattered Steve holds me tight, whispering sweet words,telling me what really mattered Heart bruised by her cold rejection but I don't need her false affection I know I'm not alone because soon I'll be able to admire my own reflection Together with my best friend who gave me this wonderful and precious gift Wonder who's features it'll have, his eyes or maybe even my intense drift Parents worry what the people might think,a gay father and lesbian mother But we'll devote all our love and he softly whispers: "let's make another" |
Upping...votes will be returned or feedback on an open mic or such...
DQ |
uppin this shit right here.....
get at this battle people |
And up it goes...vote people...it'll be nice read and favors will be returned!
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Voted For: Drama Queen
I feel that drama queen won this in my opinon because her verse was more emotional and had better concept development. That's my opinion, and that she just took this one. |
*up up up up up*
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Come on people, just vote, every vote will be honestly returned!!!!
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Uppinnnnnnnnnnn...topicals are getting mad slept on these days...
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Damnit, upping upping upping....
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Upping this battle, don't sleep on it people!!! Favor will be returned!
DQ |
And upping once again...damn people, just vote...
DQ |
Here we go again...come on, just vote! The favor will be returned, just drop your links!
DQ |
Upping once again, damnit, topicals get mad slept on these days!!!
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Voted For: Drama Queen
My vote is going to drama queen, cause I was feeling her part the most. It's original and made me wanna read the whole part cause I already wondered, why she was talking bout, "Beg HER to acknowlegde and accept the helpless lil creature inside my body", I was surprising. While the part of 3rd-shift seemed to go about the fact that, he didn't want the baby, but his partner had to be the one who didn't want him, or do I get it all wrong? |
This was feedback posted for Drama Queen
drama queen u need to learn how to call battles lol yeah thats my feedback.
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Thanks for vote and wtf is that feedback all about? Lmao...
DQ |
Anyways...thanks for the votes and upping for some more!
DQ |
Uppity up...damnit people, just vote! Favor will be returned for sure!
DQ |
Voted For: 3rd-Shift
damn, this was nice, you had some lines that were iffy but mic (old name i think.lol) you had some lines that i reread cuz they were so nice,negative side for 1.get red of the slash/// its annoyin 2...ya closer was ok,...kinda brutal n honest n real..overall im going with you cuz i my opinion you stayed on topic more...7.8/10 . this was real close, props to both . wow, nice job, you deffinately kno how to take a subject n be original with it,..i liked this, overall i think you could improve if you had better structure(shorten ya lines by 2 words or so)last half of ya drop was better...it picked up throughout like a topicals supposed to.....nice job.1! .good approach to the topic...7.5/10 . pz... |
good look....
now that was an honest vote uppin u hoez |
Thanks for fully explained vote ¤ÐÅž¤, appreciated by both of us...upping for some more...
DQ |
Voted For: Drama Queen
3rd Shift: You had an alright verse dawg. I think you had to stay away from talkin bout being in jail and having no money tho. Went a little off topic in places, although it relates to the topic..it just didnt flow. I wasnt feeling the dashes at the end of your lines either, you need to lose those. Vocab was not bad. Some lines were way longer than some of the others but it flowed alright. Imagry was there. Good Job 74/100. Drama Queen: Damn girl, this was a tight drop. You had amazing imagry that made your overall verse seem almost like a true story (which in some ppl's lives im sure it is). Dividing your verse into 2 sections made your verse overall more effective. Pretty good vocab...very descriptive word choice. And that ending was just awsome. One thinig to remember for next time is to watch your line length...if you didnt have flow - those lines woulda lost my vote. Very good job, props. Overall 85/100 No hate 3rd Shift...I just felt Drama Queen came a bit harder than you today. Someones gotta win, and Im sure the votes will show that she did...better luck next time dawg. Payce. |
Voted For: Drama Queen
ok thirdself lines were kinda streched here flow was off which doesnt make snese you should have that down pat being a producer and all anyways imagery was ok vocab couldve been better here also you aint really bring me into your story emotion lacked here as well as imagery too:( drama queen damn your getting dope at topicals good vocab and flow lil streched cut your damn lines shorter imagery was dope it was as if i was there in your mind good shit it was like a movie and that wins topicals and got you this dope. |
^Thanks for honest and fully explained votes, much appreciated!
DQ |
Voted For: Drama Queen
well first i think it was a bad topic for a guy to write about so i give props to third shift for trying but he could decline and asked for a better topic so no mercy. D.Q.- i'm gonna break this judgement into two section like you did for your battle 1st: it was intense i was reading to see what happen next not just to vote. there was a good flow and ok style and great mults. but i don't get it were you saying you were a lesbian???(NICE) i like the way you end the first part. was thought it was going to be bad with the way you opened it but it got better. 2nd: i thought this one was more intense the the first one. still a good flow and even better multas. alot of question i had in the beginning were answered here(thats good)very creative closer, but i don't think he would be gay if he said that. idk if the whole story sounded so realist but it was a good story. i like the vocab used, but i got tripped up on theses lines "Steve holds me tight, whispering sweet words,telling me what really mattered Heart bruised by her cold rejection but I don't need her false affection" (who is this her i thought you were talking about steve) overal very nice one of the best topicals i've seen. 8.75/10 3rd-in a way yours was really creative i think the lines were more creative then the idea. the flow was alittle rough but sylte was ok you had really hot multas too. i especially liked the opening and closing parts. however some times it seem like it was jumping arond alot and not really staying on topic. overal it was a good battle i give you a 6.5/10 vote D.Q. |
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