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Love Letter
I know that in this love letter, I've started it wrong.. Because your beauty is too immense to explain in a song Or maybe I'm just awe struck, and at a loss for words.. Like my brain was blown out, and left my thoughts on the curb I'm lucky to have you, and I'm even more lucky to know you.. Good or bad i cherish every single moment we go through.. I love you, even though it hurts because i never see you.. It's not enough to be connected at the soul, i wanna be you.. I think about you constantly, Kissing you in my flashblacks.. and whenever i tried to be smooth, i remember gettin laughed at.. It didn't hurt me though, I knew it was because I didn't need to.. I felt everything that you did, if you got cut, i'd bleed too.. and every word you ever said to me, echoes in my memory.. and my love glistens like a heart etched from emery.. I wish i was hollywood, so i could make you into a movie.. so when I lacked motivation, I'd use your beauty to move me.. Or atleast I could capture your eyes as the moon hits 'em Exposing your thoughts, wishin we were in my room kissin.. runnin my fingers through your hair, you whisper in my ear "I'm not ready", shh you dont have to speak, we can just lay here.. this is just what I remember, it's been a while since i've seen you.. I remember sayin "I just want your love" you replied with "me too" and Now i'm stuck writin this letter, with no way to send it.. you don't even exist, this whole time i've been pretendin.. I guess if i wrote it, I could feed my craving for unity.. because even the loveless, knows love has no immunity.. But it's okay, I'll seal this up, and lock it way untill I need to.. I guess i'll have to be patient waiting for the day I finally meet you.. |
damn very very good and reative the imgery was hella good and you used very good emotion and vocabulary i loved the topic you did and the way you said your petry this is more peortry in a way to me cuz its very emotional and good i liked how you used wordplay to express lines like these bars:
I wish i was hollywood, so i could make you into a movie.. so when I lacked motivation, I'd use your beauty to move me.. ^^if its not wordplay then i was taught wrong...*cough cough Nos* but yea tell em if it is wordplay cuz how you used hollywood and movie iunno kinda seems liek wordplay then the nest line with Motivation and move me...kinda creative anyway but thos were my fav lines there...peace check my new collab coming soon when ever final is done his verse but it will be good not My best but its alright...but yea check it, it will be in my sig when its done...if you want check my shity ass single The Judgementday but i think its wack..lmao but good job...i dont rate people anymore...but you were damnen good...Peace |
lines that stuck out to me!!
Quote:
over all 8/10 shit was really hot i cannot hate and i will not hate i feel u onthis one man u did your thing keep it up!! |
uppin this...leave some fuckin feedback....i see theres 56 fuckin replies on unsuitable life..and that shit isn't even close to my level....this is absolutely pathetic
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damn man shit was deap, imagery was something like a painting, damn thats all i can really say.
"I know that in this love letter, I've started it wrong.. Because your beauty is too immense to explain in a song Or maybe I'm just awe struck, and at a loss for words.. Like my brain was blown out, and left my thoughts on the curb I'm lucky to have you, and I'm even more lucky to know you.. Good or bad i cherish every single moment we go through.." i was really feelin that opening can tell shit a true life expirience, so much emotion the shit was flowin off the page...please return the fav. "too fresh" on the open mic i need some feed ... peace |
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and this shit is slept on!? u showed me the start of this a while ago on AIM and i told you to link me when u post this. its dope no fuckin lies straight fire bro like wild. i even have his permission to put this on an audio track. and thats word. but you are a very gifted writer. i really like this piece. it has a kool twist at the end too which i didnt expect which is always good. really dope piece of writing here. u leave more than 90 percent of the text heads on RV for dead. keep em coming. 9/10
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uppin for you folks to read....
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wow.
once again you stepped it up vish. that shit was deep. the lyrics were totally on point......the vocab was there......the structure was on point.........the flow had a nice pace............and overall, i think that this piece was flawless. word. i really felt the emotion behind this drop of yours. honestly, it fooled me........i actually thought that this was written for your special someone. its crazy how you were able to express these feelings for someone who isnt/wasnt there. this needs to be nominated for something...........SO NOMINATE AWAY FUCKERS!!! word. hold it down vish, you got this. oner... ...the super... |
that shit was really good it was deep
the lines i liked were: "I know that in this love letter, I've started it wrong.. Because your beauty is too immense to explain in a song Or maybe I'm just awe struck, and at a loss for words.. Like my brain was blown out, and left my thoughts on the curb I'm lucky to have you, and I'm even more lucky to know you.. Good or bad i cherish every single moment we go through.." Ill give u 8/10 |
^^^UPPIN' FOR MORE LEGIT FEEDBACK FOR MY BOYS PIECE Y'ALL!!!^^^
drop somethin' for him people. im sure he has no problem with returning the favor. word. s.v...........c.s. |
dat was mad hot
the ending was a great way of making it all come 2gether 9/10 for sure |
wow............ man this is absolutely dope... this is some shit that im gonna show my girl... this is really deep.... you express so much emotion.. and ur really able to put it into words very good.... your a very good writer.. u should try some deep poem ish.. i think u would do very good.. and if u ever need help with some poetry get at me.... but damn bro this stuff is dope.... pz
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Word 2 the emotion.. This shit was dope, too bad its not an audio track.. -_-
Nice shit nonetheless though.. Good use of multi syllable rhymes, the flow was all on point.. Lyrics were nice. I dont have much advice I can give you since were probably at about the same level of writing technique.. But I did enjoy this a lot man.. Get a mic soon so we can make a track lol.. |
^^^UPPIN" AGAIN!!!^^^
s.v. |
Yeah....I was feeling this one. It just flowed nicely from beginning to end.....Good Job Man :thumbup:
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OMFG.......i loved this piece mayne....i love emotion in writin and this had it all the way through....this is were the rea rappinl skillz are at..and u proved it..topic was good...structure was good..nice wordplay..rhymin was good......but DAYUM..the endin killed it.....real nice twist....this was hot from start to end.....was really feelin this...definetly lookin out for more ur work...keep em comin...
return the fav please..link in sig..pz |
uppin this shit richurr
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uppin again.....................
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^^^UP!!!............UP!!!............UP AND AWAY!!!^^^
s.v........c.s. |
Why Is Ya Suff So Bright LOL But Ne ways I Like ya peiece Basically everybody else than already siad what i was gonna say but hey atleast you know wher you are LOL L
Stay Up And Active Peace |
i'm beginning to think people purposely ignore my shit...cause they know they'll feel obligated to vote for me in one category or another...
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This is just Beautiful.I love that you didn't rely on multis
to impress the readers.This type of rap is the reason I rap today. Real shit,which expresses feeling and displays a messege of emotion. Much Props seriously nigga. |
ey man imma go wit prophecy on dat man ya whole shit was good,u had good structa,flow,and vocab.ey man u keep doin ya thing i like dat shit.10/10....give me some feed back on mines "im bac bitch"
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uppin this piece..this has to deserve some kind of nomination..honestly..
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uppin this....cause it needs to be read
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10/10... emotion to fullest... damn... I feel that... cuz that's how I feel sometimes to... I think I got a tear jerked from that... That's awesome man. best shit I've ever read... fuck what anyone else says.
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dope again as usually.i personally think your the only poet on the site stands a chance aganist me.all your work is basically the same perfection.perfect syllabel count good imagery nice vocab everything meshes so well in your drops.nice shit 10/10
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Whoa, Concept Was FIRE...I Really Felt Tha Emotion, Every Word Was Real...& Tha Lil Twist At Tha End Was Perfect
Fav Lines: I love you, even though it hurts because i never see you.. It's not enough to be connected at the soul, i wanna be you.. I think about you constantly, Kissing you in my flashblacks.. and whenever i tried to be smooth, i remember gettin laughed at.. It didn't hurt me though, I knew it was because I didn't need to.. I felt everything that you did, if you got cut, i'd bleed too.. All Of That Was Real, Serious OM, Tha Imagery Was Fierce Homie....10/10 RRR(Real Rec Real) |
Im new but this was very nicely done! i was feeling the concept and the comedy aspects as in you said trying to be smoothe and getting laughed at! weve all been there lol!
i think this was very creative your strengths are that you can keep the story and the message going nicely your only weakness i can see is that i think you need to try and use multies more! other than that keep up the hot oms i was feelin it a lot! |
thanks a lot for the feedback guys...it's good to see my shits finally gettin read
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now return some feedback hocake;)
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haha word i got you...
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i uhh...got put on the hall of fame for this..thanks folks
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why haven't you started audio yet. :cussing:
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I still enjoy text...people like to diss on it..but lets be realistic...when you hear somethin dope in a song...your stuck on it..and miss the next few lines...those could be dope as well..so overall..when the song is done....90% of the time you havn't heard the whole product...text forces you to read ever uncompromised thought...you don't sacrafice for flow, you don't sacrafice to fit it in with the beat..it's all straight from the heart..exactly how you want it
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uppin this shit because i feel like you should fuckin read it
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possibly the best piece to ever hit rv.......fuckin reply
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