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CopyWrite vs final
Battle Rules:
16 Lines Max No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting This is a topical battle.if you dont understand something in both verses DONT VOTE please...thanks Topic : Deaths Struggle Minimum posts to vote: 400 Check in by: 01-27-05 at 03:29 PM Must drop verse in 720 minutes after check in. |
Copywrite has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-27-05 03:00 PM.
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final has ACCEPTED this battle on 01-27-05 03:00 PM.
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Topic-Death's Struggle superior faces torn criteria of races feeble kind commited genocide vaxine gasp's every breath corrupted molicues exumed like paroxide fighting prevails useless frequently vast death thresh hold on man's nation dark, shadows the wall provided the scene studders with english translation a meir pawn revolutionized with little potential suicidal is his only credential fear warrants vale situations amongst hesitations incripted essential token of silence forsaken's violence harsh reprecusions are questionable evil carrys many identity's majestic lies art of "tall tales" objects impressionable technique's evolve mastered like poetic words death is forever captured blood spilled for reason plastered vendettas carried out an raptured infested diseases proclaim lives as was jesus crosses crucified contested youths materialize homacide look and ask who survived? divine addictions twined restrictions doomed prescriptions homeless evictions all mark the end of a era unforgetable hard saught thoughts revinve deaths enetible exumed expressions at fault reguarding times period laced without no gloves death?just in our own minds scriptures fact non fiction confliction?we killin our own selves |
It lingers and abandones organisms souls with ease
and effects everything...no measure to how deep the grief seeps the dark light...exhausted walls crumbling is its signature a spark from rusty pipes brightens the hallway listeners a fluid of the deceased speeds to the unknowing victims pissed off spirits cause shreaks and screams throughout the buildings system the humans have trespassed an entrance to a world they cant grasp locked and shackled they gasped to the fact that they cant go back plotted a plan take the axe, strike the door till its impaled... ...sleak steel was noticed therefore the plan was to no avail the spirits were coming...the humans position was locked down but they ran, so not to be enslaved like dogs at an impound a blurred light appeared to all and at that moment they gazed... ...jogged to it but was haulted by an unseen wall in a maze ignited by fury there must be a way to get back home nope, theyre stranded in the dimension known as the twilight zone... Good Luck... |
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Voted For: final
Emotion-Didn't feel much emotion from either one of you. I think that Final gets this, but barely. Copywrite, some emotion, but not a lot. Imagery-Final, decent imagery. Copywrite, had a lot of metaphors but almost no imagry. Work on imagry. Structure-Tie, both had decent structure. Vocabulary-Copywrite, kind of obvious you get this. Either your vocabulary is the size of a thesaurus, or you looked in one. Final, aight vocab, but inadequate compared to Copywrite. Story Line-Neither really had one. Flow- Final, decent flow. Your vocab helped it keep going. Fell off very little. Copywrite, didn't have any flow, at all. This would be an aight poem, but you had almost no flow. Final, an aight drop. Not your best work though. Twilight zone thing is an ok twist, but not that great. Overall I liked it, but you've done better. 7/10 Copywrite, a topical has flow, a poem doesn't have to. Your vocab was good, except it threw off your flow to the point that you didn't have any. Listen to a beat and write a topical to that beat, because that is what a topical is. 4/10 No Hate Just An Honest Voter v/final One Vote, One Battle, One Win. |
i can tell personify doesnt know shit about topicals so.........shitty vote.........
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uppin............................................. .dont bitch just because you dont get a vote...topicals arent about 100% vocab
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This was feedback posted for Copywrite
I laughed the second time you said "exumed"...
Ahahahahahahaha... |
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Voted For: Copywrite
arright I thought both peices were at least average, w/ one being much better.. Final- your verse was descriptive, but the flow of the verse was real choppy- you didn't have the imagery copywrite brought.... it was almost like you both approached the topic in a very similar way, but copywrite had a much more descriptive, and worded verse... flow wise i found it stronger... and like I said I think he had a better grasp of what direction he wanted the verse to go. not bad either of you- but I vote copywrite. |
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Quote:
Haha dude you had vocab and nothing else. No flow, very little emotion, and basically you just listed off random things. Who doesn't know topicals? I gotta say you. Go to the poetry league, you will do well in there. I spit in the face of people who think topicals=vocab :spit: |
Voted For: Copywrite
ok yall both my mans so im gonna give a good honest explained vote here final good drop but you lacked good imagery you had imagery but it was all over the place and very confusing to keep up i also didnt like your ending vocab was good struture was well.6/10 copywrite the 100 name man anyways you had excellent vocab and struture was a lil streched here .imagery was dope though you brought me through mad levels without leaving my comp dopeness here ender was fire also nice all through i really liked this shit your better imagery made a better verse since imagery wins topicals.8/10 good job to both ill have some open soon |
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Voted For: final
Aiight look. Final got this battle, Copywright, your shit was ok but I think that you were relying on vocab WAY too much.. Verses sort of get annoying when people just try to fit in as much vocab as they can.. Final your getting better man, but I think you should look at using different perspectives in your topicals, like what I've seen from you is mainly rambling on about describing feelings.. Try and use some perspectives like telling a story from an on-looker and shit like that.. But always try and teach people things with your verses.. Thats what wins topicals.. |
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Voted For: final
final structure is good.. flow is on target.. you had no multis.. your imagery was nice throughout your verse.. emotion was present, and good, as well.. you went about the topic in a pretty nice way.. i enjoyed reading your verse.. CopyWrite structure is alright.. some of your lines were stretched though.. flow falls off a little.. because at times it seemed as if you over did the vocabulary.. you had nice multis.. imagery is alright.. once again, i think the vocabulary, while good at times, kind of took away from your verse.. emotion was pretty good.. i think you went about the topic in a pretty good way.. your verse had the potential to be tight, but i dont think you elaborated enough on what you were trying to say.. Overall CopyWrite had more multis.. and a better vocabulary.. both had pretty good emotion.. thought overused at times.. final had the better overall structure.. the more stable flow.. better imagery.. and elaborated better on the given topic.. so.. basing off of that.. i got final taking this.. pretty good battle though.. VOTE - FINAL Please hit up the link in my sig.. |
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Voted For: final
Wow ok let me break this down a little so my vote doesnt get DQ'ed Final: good verse as usual.. good wordplay and consistency. I dont really like the topic but i guess you made it work for you. Emotion was decent, some really good imagery lines and some not so great ones but still decent.. Vocab was good also, once again could have been better. Overall: 7.9/10 CopyWrite: Your verse was utterly wack for this one reason: Too much vocabulary, i couldnt tell if you were writing about this topic or something completely wrong because you over did it with the vocab. And your rhyme scheme was so terrible as were your set ups. I mean half the words were in the wrong spots, there were no commas to signify the end of the brief sentence, so it was ongoing and that made it worse. divine addictions twined restrictions doomed prescriptions homeless evictions all mark the end of a era unforgetable hard saught thoughts revinve deaths enetible All that vocab and it was pointless.. didnt rhyme made no sense and plain wack. Put some emotion and imagery in there.. And how about you keep the topic in mind while writing it would help you stop from doing this sstupid shit. You will never win a battle if you overdo the vocab. Overall: 2.8/10 Vote: Final obviously and if anyone votes otherwises its a crock. Because that other guy does not know a real topical verse if it smacked him in the face. It was all vocab nothing else. That isnt a topical piece its a fucking dictionary lol. Return the favor with an honest vote on any battle in my sig. TY |
I've never seen a battle upped this many times... Upping for final vote...
No pun intended... |
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Voted For: final
Decree good stcutre and the flow was good nice syllable count your vocabulary was very very good. but your imagery i didnt really read a story. you just babled about shit with big vocabulary. and using all the vocab kinda dropped the flow a bit. the worst part was the imagery it just lacked a bit. work on doing sotry's maybe about someone goin through death and your having the stuggle having to go through it with them. it hurts them it hurts all around them. ya know. peace Compose: well something i noticed that you had better is that you kind of had a story to yours not quite much more but you had a bit better imagery. i still feel as if you need to work on your story's but i know you might think that yours is that toher type of topical but stories are better. the vocabulary was good. the emotion was alot better. peace RTF in my topical battle with oreo links in the sig peace |
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