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Wet Willy vs OneStepBeyond
Topic:Depressed Teen
20-Unlimited Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Crew Battle The Establishment Vs. Nok Out Kings Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 02-18-05 at 10:12 PM Must drop verse in 2880 minutes after check in. |
Wet Willy has ACCEPTED this battle on 02-18-05 05:06 PM.
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OneStepBeyond has ACCEPTED this battle on 02-18-05 05:40 PM.
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As I begin to take the steps from adolescence to teen.. I realize what’s happening to all my dreams that could have been.. All the pressure.. on my mind and body is just too much to handle.. It hurts to not look back.. as my whole future is slowly dismantled.. Its too much weight to carry.. I begin to tumble.. but no ones there to catch my fall.. even as my voice rapidly gets quieter and quieter.. until no one hears me at all.. my senses are failing . As a whirlwind of thoughts begin to rush through my head. Where’s My Father At??? Doesn’t even care about any of the tears that I’ve shed.. With no Role Model’s.. I begin to doubt the only person I truly love… (God) The path I tread appears to be leading nowhere.. so I turn to drugs.. As I take another glance at this dull knife laying here before me.. Realizing before I do this.. that every scar represents a different story.. My thoughts are distorted.. as my vision slowly begins to fade.. Gazing as my tainted innocence is left on the serrated edges of the blade.. I’ve made my decision.. I think im ready for that fateful flight…. This is my final calling, opportunity to possibly make things right.. As night falls… the tension between heaven and hell rises.. My pregnant girlfriend doses off.. and slowly closes her eyelids.. I have mixed emotions as I lean over and give her that one last kiss.. As I put the cold hard bullets in the chamber.. its just sad it had to end like this… just a quick little keystyle for you NOK bitches |
idk, i wrote it like i was a therapist, lol
Patient: David Age: 16 Race: African American Hometown: Washington D.C. Background Information Born on September 25, 1988, such an unconcious awareness, Raised in a dominantly black neighborhood, unresponsible parents, Whos philosophy was to never give a fuck, father who knows bibles, cause thats the litereture he reads in prison, what a role model, Stoned half the time, arrested the other half for child abuse, Said "Disrespect was involved" but what a vile excuse, the trial excused, then accused of cocaine distribution, to minors... outcome appears to be missin students, from the classroom, dropouts, turnin youth into caine users, hes remained doin life cause the citizens hate abusers, But Davids moved in from trailer to trailer, but hates movin, hates school kids who stupid just because they remain fuedin, over gay bullshit, thinks school is useless and remains foolish, And fails Music, just cause he never wanted to take Music, Says fuck school because thats what this age doin, Attitude is down in the dumps, and thats where his grades movin, Long story short hes a child, with a mom who'd disguises the truth, The case is like most... misguided youth... Depression and Attempts to Resolve Segregated when integration made seperation's reputation, Evaluated and destroyed, it annoys but its a lesson waitin, To be tought, fought for so many years, so many necks were facin, life in prison for fightin for a cause, procede with exclamation, less debatin on the subject, now people are testin patience, no regrets for hatin, people made the mistake to mess with David, either respect or hatin, you can even smell the special fragrance, of those several haters only hatin cause their flesh was faded, mental congestion made it difficult for any method taken, to be used properly, told him to write as a form of medication, And is this what he wrote.... "I got no money, I got no Timbs, I got no love and i got no friends, I hope this ends, and God knows when, So im askin now, God go ahead..."-January 2nd, 2005 His outlook on life is horibble, noone can help but blame him, That explains the reason that it seemed he was deaf to changes, at this point, and i assume thats why he won't confess to agents, Continues to lie even after hes signed his name on the affidavits, Threw the case out like his fathers... just made accusations, Still hes threw in the mix with lunatics and basketcases, Told me he actually stabbed that kid, cause he bashed his race with, racial slurs... shit... its best if my ass erase this, Told me about this female in detail and said shes gorgeous, then his bestfriend took her, and how he feels important, sarcastically i assume, and i still work to help, Seems i need to do somethin before he hurts himself... Progress Progress? Its gotten worse, i try to teach to dave, that hes reached the age, where it not difficult to get decent grades, Bad envirement for his little sister, she'll be my patient soon, David's moved when into terrible state, and hes anxious too, Hopin somebody says somethin so he can put him on crutches, Its like hes only livin for people to push his buttons, Found out he can't vent out his anger... like me off rappin, So im not botherin, lettin him do what he wants and see what happens.. NOTICE: NO LONGER SEEING PATIENT DUE TO SUICIDE. |
This was feedback posted for Wet Willy
^ Wow... fucking dope drop man. Props to ya.......
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uppin.............................................
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This was feedback posted for Wet Willy
checkin polls.....................................
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uppin.............................................
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This was feedback posted for Wet Willy
check check the pollz pollz, bitches....................
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This was feedback posted for OneStepBeyond
good drop....checkin polls...\
NOK bitches....... |
This was feedback posted for OneStepBeyond
this is an easy one lol no way wet willy won this shit, good drops from both tho but onestep took this all the way.
checkin polls |
^^^lmao ur funny kid.. considering OneStep even said that i won.. uppin pz..
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Voted For: Wet Willy
basically wet willy got this , better imagery, he was more creative he made me visualize the topic better, even thouh onestep wrote alot he wasnt as witty as wet......so for an overall better verse i vote wet willy |
i personally liked mine better but thats just me...
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but i know what people like on this site and its not my stufff, lol
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Voted For: Wet Willy
v/ wet willy.... good battle on both sides.... i was feelin both pieces.... but i have to go wit willy a bit more.... i liked his piece overall more than i did, onestep's... it seemed to me like he had more emotion, as well as more imagery.... ya'll both had nice flow for the most part as well.... its just that willy takes it in jus about every category... thats why he gets the vote... |
This was feedback posted for Wet Willy
checkin polls.....................................
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This was feedback posted for OneStepBeyond
checkin polls .
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checkin polls, ---------------------------------
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uppin.............................................
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Voted For: Wet Willy
Wet Willy: the strongest aspect of your drop was the emotion for sure, so raw and real as if it was written straight from the core. Your sentences had good length, not stretched at all and the structure was perfect which made it easier to read. Kept your vocab quite simple but I like that because your attention remained on the emotional aspect.Not too much imagery and approach wasn't that original but this drop was so real,enjoyed reading it! OneStepBeyond: the strongest thing of your piece was the creative approach, quite obvious I guess. Liked how you viewed it from the angle of a therapist observing the entire situation but it's hard to get some raw emotion in there then.The structure is good and I like how the story progressed, vocab was nice and flow was okay. Rhymes didn't work too well here and there and emotion was lacking due to your approach of the topic but nice creativity so gotta give you props for that! My vote goes to Wet Willy because of the great emotion in his drop but props to OneStepBeyond for his creative approach! Please return the favor (link's in my sig) DQ |
Voted For: Wet Willy
yo this was nice battle, but I think wet took it. One, your verse was kinda nice. A little too long tho, but it was still a nice read. Good imagery and such. I think you jus need to work on yo flow tho. It kinda went off in some places. But overall pretty nice piece, yo. Wet, you had a pretty tight verse. I was likin' it. It had me thinkin' yo. Your flow was on for whole verse too. Really never went off. I was liking it. Your imagery and such was nice too. This was a pretty dope read. but overall nice battle, I jus tyhink that Wet took it. pc yo |
i don't think he should be beatin em this bad but whatever
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lol this is funny, and by funny i mean not at all...
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Voted For: OneStepBeyond
um this shit was mad hot.. both of yall came pretty hard and i was feelin both verses alot. but i liked onesteps creativity more. he also had great flow and better vocab. wet willy had real good emotion and structure but onestep had that creative angle on the approach to the topic yall was doin n thats what edged it out for me, nah mean good battle RETURN THE FAVOR NOk'ist's lol http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=177821 |
uppin lemme get this win lmao.....................
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atleast it wasn't a k.o... i still ain't feelin all those votes though, i ain't the one to dq though
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^^^ its straight. win or lose.. this was still a tight battle..
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uppin.............................................
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Voted For: Wet Willy
hmm comin from a well aged topical battler myself this was decent nothin to special wet willy got this though you can tell he seems more comfortable doin em structures were alright on both sides vocab wasnt really their as far as tellin the story wet willy told it way better an painted that picture better so he gets my vote... |
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