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Stanza vs Given Light
Battle Rules:
Topical Topic: The Tsunami Attack 20 - 32 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting No Dickriding Minimum posts to vote: 500 Check in by: 04-02-05 at 10:23 PM Must drop verse in 2880 minutes after check in. |
Stanza has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-30-05 01:45 PM.
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..:: Stanza ::.. Dear God, [b] [b]I Thought You Loved Me With All Of Your Heart Then Why Must I Suffer And My Family Depart These Waters Are Too High Please Lord, Save Me My Mom Is Gone & The Thought Of Death Is Driving Me Crazy Why Cant I see? Please Dear God Help Me catch My Breath I Can See The Light Of Hope But Yet I Can Feel My Death The Thought Of Knowing How And When I will Die Makes Me Sick to my Stomache, I Then Begin To Cry Then I see A Guy Who Held Out His Helping Hand To Me He Had a Glow To his Form That Was So Heavenly He Said "The Only Way To Have Hope Is To, Keep The Faith" Then I seen Him ......I Saw a Sudden Glance Of His Face I Remembered That There's A way Out of this Hell On Earth Its Not a Deathly Struggle Just a Graceful Rebirth Not A Rebirth of Body, But A Rebirth Of My Soul My new Rebirth Was Announced, But Yet Not Told My Soul Rejoiced as I Slowly Floated My Way Down Many were Gone In the Waters But Only a few Were Found Too Many Were Killed and Many More were Lost Dear God Of Grace & Mercy, Who Will Pay The Cost? Good luck :thumbup: |
Given Light has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-02-05 11:17 AM.
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The earth shifts, an inclusive metamorphosis of life A man sees various bodies waft by, sits down, and cries What happened to God’s beloved land, a downfall commences Not enough time for proper burials, bodies brimful in ditches A modern day apocalypse, the immense torrent all over Boats shattered, from fragmentary hurricanes, an eccentric disaster Tornadoes and twisters ravage the land captivating those unclean Was it how the prophets envisaged, our world has bowed bitter, and mean. People run, screaming for their life and loved ones, as they did not see The most terrible possible scenerio, coming out at them, off screen Was the Media to blame, did they destroy our once clean, kind world.. Who took all this information, this bullshit that the media hurled… Why would God turn his back on this most prosperous earth… After all it was him, the creator of all, who gave us the thirst.. The thirst for power, our thought provoking manners in which we deal Countless virtues, but most of all, he gave us our heart, in which we feel. Our thoughtless actions based upon our conscious, but now you see I am writing this, from the depths of my basement, can you be… The one who sets gods almighty wrath upon us to make us pay For the dilemmas we’ve caused, and our progressed delayed How can you say you are not, blame it on some one else is what you’ll do But can’t you fucking see, we are all in one, so if one fucks up, the rest are fools… |
This was feedback posted for Given Light
Good Job Writing That Verse....................................
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Uppin
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This was feedback posted for Given Light
Nice drop by both of you....
Bring home a win Given. :thumbup: |
Uppin
.......................Uppin ,,,,,,,,,,,........................Uppin word to that, leave links, or if they're in your sig, I will hit them back. |
This was feedback posted for Given Light
checkin polls...............word..................
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Uppin
.......................Uppin ,,,,,,,,,,,........................Uppin I feel I did pretty good in this one |
i feel you have good imagery, but you really lack emotion.....great imagery, but yeah, plus i thought your approach was basic, did nothing special with it, and you repeated rebirth like 4 times, and that shouldn't happen......but not bad, topic isn't that flexible, i shall up this for you though.....given, i thought most of your lines were stretched, kinda forced, not your best i dont think, but again, topic was kinda dumb.....keep up, both of you
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Feedback appreciated.
UPP AND VOTE before I drop the n-bomb. Word, cause I'm damn crazy like that. I will vote on battles no matter what if you vote on this. |
O My Stars ...................... We're Still In This Battle ?
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Voted For: Given Light
Decent topical battle. Given Light: Aight, I think your rely on your vocab a little too much. The vocab really didn't mix well into your verse in the beginning, but it got better a bit in. Your storyline is average and not that original. Flow is good, however. You don't seem to have a lot of emotion in this, just doesn't hit me hard. Structure is fine. Your wording could be better, (hurled line) felt forced. Overall I think you need to work on twisting the subject a little more and try to throw some more multis in there. Stanza: The letter idea was ok, but not completely original. Your vocab was decent, mixed well in some places. I think this would have been better if you had made it a bit longer as well. Your flow fell off in too many spots, and it was noticable. Work on keeping your wording work with the beat (flow) you have going. Your emotion was decent, but started to fall off halfway through. Overall, decent battle, but neither one of you impressed me with your stories, vocab, or imagery. v/Given Light |
Opinion respected, uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp !
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Opinion respected, uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp !
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Voted For: Given Light
Well i felt this was a very one sided battle... Stanza: You had good emotion but thats about it, no vocabulary or imagery everything was just put and w2orded so simply. I like your thought pattern behind the verse but overall you didnt bring enough to the verse to make it stand out over GL's. Given Light: Your emotion was decent not as thoroughly written as stanza's but not bad either. Vocabulary is what set your verse in the right direction. And you were pretty consistent throughtout the verse.. most people just touch on the topic here and there but you stayed steady throughout. Your imagey wasnt too bad but you werent really desciptive in some spots where it could have been better. Overall GL gets my vote for being more complex and staying on the topic better |
This was feedback posted for Stanza
lmaooo wasn't u sayin dat red bull is gay and all dis shit now u down with da establishment??
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^Least you could've done is posted a vote LoL ........
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Well
To Golden Days Thanx for voting To Era Zestable Thanx for voting To Marvjay - you shouldve been keepin up with the times mayne we been sqaushed that beef and To [b[Given Light can we close this battle We all know you won and Stuff i dont want a lost on my record for facing somebody way outta my luegue [/b] |
I want a win, so if you pm the mods, and I can get a win, and you can escape without a loss, that's fine with me.
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Upping for more votes to get this closed..........
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This was feedback posted for Given Light
Both of these topicals were really good. Stanza, yours was easier going and flowing good and it stayed on topic the whole time. Given Light, you stayed on topic, and you had nice vocabulary, but I didn't like the swearing, lol. If I could give both of you a vote I would, but since I'm just gunna post feedback.
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Voted For: Given Light
Given Light - Nice Drop!! I liked the topical idea and I really enjoyed your verse, it had a lot of feeling in it, the shit was deep yo. The flow and structure was on point and your vocab was pretty good. You stayed on topic all the way through creating an overall hot piece, i definitely think you should put this up as an open mic. Keep doin ya thing, but one point is try to shorten your lines a bit and it might give you a better flow, still though your drop is tight. Stanza - A Good Drop!! The oversized writing, i don't get why people do that. Your drop was nice, structure and flow was on point but I think Given's went better. You stayed on topic to and there was effort and feeling visible in your drop. I just think that Given put more into his, i was feelin his verse more. U had good vocab in yours and everything, but overall i think Given takes this because i was feelin his verse more. - Return the Favour On One Of My Battles!!! Links In Siggy!!! |
Voted For: Given Light
All links have been hit up, uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp |
uppin ................And If No One else Votes Then
I Forfeit That means I give you the win so Now You can PM strobe and jus Get the battle Closed I want to move on and i dont have n e more room ........So I Quit |
uppin,.................Uppin
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Upping this battle..../given why don't you just get it closed so we can officially say we beat Millitary Mindz hahaha...
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LOL It dont Matter They Dead Now anyways LOL .........
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Stanza you homo, upp this.............................................. !
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