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Distorted world
Distorted World:
Tears of sorrow flood into waves, crashing into the bed of red water A sea of blood revealing God’s massacre, and the holy lands filled with slaughter Dead virgin daughters, black rain showers down upon the emaciated corpses Mutilated cadavers, their innocent souls collected by reapers on black horses The enemies of world rulers cut a swathe through the great structures Decimated to ruins, rubble rains and sheathes to the ground, alliances ruptured Men evolved into lackadaisical creatures, rise of the machines, the fall of Rome in a new generation Armageddon unleashes itself upon the unsuspecting vulnerable souls of the most powerful nations A vast loss of great minds, no longer embarked on a metaphysical journey to the constellations Apocalypse, led by relations of God’s creations, showcase a paradise, flourished with the thorns of temptation Altered time in alternate worlds, the angels of light and darkness in preparation No hesitation, the subterfuge and masquerades of hells snakes remain impatient A prophecy comes to pass, swept our race, left us with a chaotic land, no safe haven Clash of the titan’s leaves a dark tranquility, churches reduced to dust, burning asylums A blain compliment, as the dark hole envelops the galaxy, then darkness falls, a godsend As the sun burns out to ash, contorted people put to rest, a distorted world, come to an end Ya well structure is off, lines seem stretched, cuz I didnt write it for RV, I had this on my computer, I keyed it for english class, thought i'd drop on here, on paper it doesn't come out like that, the structure is normal when printed... |
good drop fam......keep it up
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hot damn!...was really feelin dis...maybe not what i was expectin in OM but still real good and real solid...9/10...need i say more
-DB and return tha fava...click "free concert"...1 |
Link please or this will be closed :)
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jea to the jea, links and favors soon
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upping this yo... gimme feed hoe cakes :hump:
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Ya well structure is off, cuz I didnt write it for RV, I had this on my computer I keyed it for english class, thought i'd drop on here, on paper it doesn't come out like that, the structure is normal printed...
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upping, you wankers.
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more feed god damn, dont sleep on the dopeness
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this was a really dope piece...i loved the concept of this..especially since i did a...somewhat religious piece myself...and eventhough it's just references...it holds some appeal to me...because i did something similair...very nice though....the only thing i can say about it...is the lines were a bit stretched...but everything else made up for it..if you have time..check out..."Out of Eden"
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hehe, In - Vision called my piece dope :cool: ya i'll peep your shit soon
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don't sleep kids, peep my dopeness ;)
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Sup man this is a very dope verse, I don't understand how you have had
so little feedback. The emotions in the verse was on point, you painted a clear image on the world in your writing which is dope. Vocab was very good, flowed pretty nice lost it at points but u explained why. Had inner rhyming which again is dope so altogether a pretty hott verse. 1~ |
Wow, all dope heads calling my om's dope, I better get one into the hall of fame, or win best open mic of the month for one of em'
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yes, i see how it is an english paper, i will post more later....
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yeah, this would be good for an english paper, but not a rap, word, just didn't have the flow....it was decent, but didn't have that nice consistency.....but i can see how it was a school paper, it was pretty good, but i dont think it had as much imagery as your other pieces, had a pack load of emotion though. amd overall, it was decent, your other one was bette,r keep up dog
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Wow, I can really learn alot from you man. keep this shit coming. Normally I can do like, two things at once. But I told everyone on AIM to brb cuz i had to pay att: to this.
Keep this up. Mad props. sweft |
vocab n imagery was pretty feirce in this fam
im impressed, you need to drop more om's like this... this was defiately the best of read from you thus far bro.. although the lines n ryhme scheme was a lil off, everything else made up for it ..well done |
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hehe, it's supposed to be a rap, it's a poem man... and like half of the poem did have nice flow complimented by the multi's, but ya the other lines were strecthed, wich hurt my flow |
Just to let you know im here, ima check up on this shit tomorrow. I'm bout to leave. I'll leave feedback on this.
~1~ |
ur use of vocab is nice...ur use of imagery is good...but u don't tie all these things into a clear message within the piece...therefore, it comes off as if you're just saying things to rhyme or floss your vocab
deep-ish though 1 |
hehe, I like Q's feed, nice shit thanks, upping once more....
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Don't peep this one, peep Journey To The Abyss, or peep all 3 in my sig if you'd like lol |
Nice crisp clean peice Good work.
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yeah thats shit was raw i like what you had to say it got me thinking about shit that i haven't thought about before nice
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Wow.. once again a very dope verse.. yea u were right your structure was off but its cool.. cuz this is sorta like a poem.. Your vocabulary was really on point.. but wow.. some words u used i didn't even know. u made me look it up lol... And your emotion.. i really couldn't feel any, iono if its jst me.. but i couldn't feel any.. i couldn't feel what you feel you know??? so work on that.. but wut really got to me is ur imagery again.. your vocab helped you on this.. i could really see the world crashing into its ruins.. so nice job on that man...
8/10 |
da da da da dope... nice shit again fam... uppin for you
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It's not sorta like a poem, it is a poem, lol, but ya I was just writing it for english class, that's why there isn't any emotion, cuz I didn't put any into it when I was writing lol, I just wrote this as a piece to mostly show off my vocab but it ended up dope, so ya I dropped it here, first time I ever wrote a poem where every line had it's own secret metaphorical meanings behind them lol..... |
.............................. bump
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Feed me some feed here kido's
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upping this dope poetical hotness :hump: :evilgrin:
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and up.........
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Upping once again
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up up up up.............double D cup...^^lol
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Rofl........^^ :thumbup:
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up up up up.............double D cup *lol at inside joke* :thumbup:
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ma-ma-pand eh!!!
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