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Sole Survivor: Part 1. The fog of war
Sole Survivor
Part 1. The fog of war We held our post, armed and ready Breathing heavy, I kept my rifle steady “Hold your fire! Wait for it!” the captain would shout But I looked at my comrades’ eyes and saw the doubt I heard a familiar noise, but kept my poise It was as I had feared, the demons voice It carried over the hill and became visible, thousands of beasts Approaching from the east, the wind howled with the voice of the deceased It seemed they all scowled at me, and then let out a shriek Drew their arms, and then began to stampede They came from all directions, we were outnumbered by plenty I stared upon a vast field of monsters, we were surrounded by many This would challenge our best and put our courage to test As we were much less, I was nervous, as were the rest “Load your guns” the captain demanded No other options, for we were stranded “Ready!…… Aim!…” I tilted my rifle higher Then the captain yelled the words that start war, “Fire!” Our bullets penetrated their shields and struck them down Lifeless bodies lay limp and motionless on the ground More fell as I thought, what are they, fallen angels from hell, sent by the devil himself? Or cursed men, condemned by God, to punish their sins, or greed of wealth? But there was no time to dwell, as they charged at an increasingly fast pace They gained speed as their army pressed forward with haste They came closer, now only about one hundred yards away Soldiers with clenched hands, they pray, while others cower and run astray The demons ready to make us suffer their wraith The captain attempted to reassure us, “Don’t give up! Have faith!” They were in a flurry of rage, half their army dead, but reinforcements arrived from the west The captain still barking orders, an axe flew by my head, and struck him in the chest This was a major turn of events As now we had no form of consent I realized, this was our demise And couldn’t help but just question why The creatures came closer, their voices now, in a louder tone Will I be put to my rest? Or will my spirit roam? I closed my eyes, and hummed a tune that I would sing for my baby at home Then images appeared of him all grown up, crying at my gravestone No! I opened my eyes, drew my sword, “This is our last chance! I yelled to the men “Let this be our last stand!” I rose up my arm “We’ll carry the fight!” “Let’s drive the evil demons out of site!” Inspiring words, as they took out their swords We let out a warriors cry as we charged at the hordes They switched from attack to defense, forming a wall But we continued forward “Let’s give it our all!” “Today we are merely soldiers, but tomorrow, we are heroes!” Were the words that I said Then uttered, “Eat cold steal!” As I began to smite the creatures head I dropped ten, looked around for my men, but couldn’t find the rest And then realized they were all dead, I was the last of our men left One to ten thousand, the odds were against me I felt weak, then dropped to my knees I apologized, yelled out, “I’m sorry, I tried!” then started to cry A demon approached me, I let out a sigh, “My love, I bid you goodbye” Part 2. coming soon |
dope drop fam nice structure flow rymes
everything hit off good here bro 9/10 keep it up fam |
yeah what he said...dopeness...but aint a OM to me...unless u look at it anotha way...idk...im confused now
-DB |
word to the word, yo... keep good feed coming, i'll return the fav. soon
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pretty dope shit... i liked it... nice flow and imagery... 8/10`
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yoyo flow.... lol this is headgames yo!!!
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part. 2 coming soon......
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............. now keep giving me feed you hoes :)
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nice flow here rhymes were tight good structre and all that shit 8/10
please return the favor in my open mic general link in my sig |
nice stuff, dope ass drop here
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nice imagry & shit... dman... best rtf read ever... lol.... 8/10... keep it ol' schoo' pimpin' yo... (<-no idea why I just said that)
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Ummm, I cant return the favor to you village pimp, lol there is nothing to return on in your sig...
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up again bitches, i return the favor
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more feed, don't sleep kiddies :thumbup:
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more feed on this dope shit yo ;) don't sleep
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Or cursed men, condemned by God, to punish their sins, or greed of wealth?
^^wasnt feeling the last part of this line but thats bout it.....^^shouldnt be...OR greed n wealth..<get me...it sounded odd............(read odd) .i laughed my ass off on that.."close my eyes n hum a tune" in the middle of war..it just cracked me up bro, only cuz you had great imagery then i imagined you in the middle of it all with closed eyes....LMFAO..ROFL..ohh that was good..this was one of your better om's a lil long but koo.......... |
Damn yo... you seriously surprised me.. this was an amazing piece.. forget about structure or perfect flow.. shyt.. your imagery was more then dope man.. it was f'n amazing.. i could picture myself in that battle.. how i look around all my comrades are dead and im the only one standing up.. shyt.. this was a long piece.. and wen i first saw the whole verse i was like.. damn i gotta read this whole shyt?? hell no.. but then immidately after the first 6 bars.. i was like wow.. this shyt is good and then i continued on reading it.. I seriously can't wait for the second version.. yo u gotta promise me that you'll pm me wen this shyt comes out iight? damn oh yeah lol imma rate it.. umm
Vocab: 6/10 Structure: 2/10 Emotion: 7/10 Flow: 5/10 Imagery: 40/10.. 60/50 A+ yo.. thats how much u surprsied me.. oh yeah.. and thanx for taking part of my old name *ingenius Mind* cough lol.. nice job man.. pc |
Rofl... ya i'll pm you the second version... rofl at taking part of your old name, ya i'm holding it down for you bro ;)
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Wow, all dope heads calling my om's dope, I better get one into the hall of fame, or win best open mic of the month for one of em'
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holy FUCK headgames, why didn't you tell me about this earlier.....you may have had shitty structure (well not that bad), but your IMAGERY IMAGERY was fucking amazing, wow, its like i was fucking fighting that war.....holy shit, this seriously, was such an emotional/imaginative piece, unbelievable how you incorporated both those aspects so wonderfully, JESUS! i loved this.....and it wasn't predictable, WHICH IS SO REFRESHING.....FUCK YOU ASSHOLE, POST MORE OPEN MICS
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Rofl... everyone gonna be waiting on part 2. then lol, I guess I should get started rofl :cool: but damn everyone loves the imagery in this piece.
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da da doo, upping for best open mic of the month lol, or atleast to get into the hall of fame...
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dum dee dum dum... Ima keep dropping dope open mics till I become the new open mic king
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i'm loving the imagery in this piece... i like the dialogue throughout and it wasn't confusing with the message.. this was a nice piece stay up! 1
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dum dum dum... lol thats some short ass feedback lol, but still apreciated
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Feed me some feed here kido's
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up up and away :thumbup:
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Wow, this was a nice drop..
You had lots of emotions,..and nice feeling you used nice wordplay, and good vocab.. nice imagery.... you really made the reader want to read more and more.. your structure was the only thing, it was like a heart beat... try to match up your bars, and you would have gotten a higher school... but overall it was a very good drop... just elevate on your structure .... keep it up! :thumbup: |
thank thank you... upitty up
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Upping!!!!!!!!!
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up up up up.............double D cup...^^lol
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Rofl........^^ :thumbup:
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up up up up.............double D cup *lol at inside joke*
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Uppin This Hot Shhhh!!!!
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