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My Mission
yo this my first open mic.. 'my mission'...
my presence alone is a blessing from the skies above sending a message of remembrance from eyes of a dove essence of a peasant kneeling at a shrine designed by thugs sentenced to an endless amount of time trying to judge the last chosen one has arrived with a sword of ivory driven by the transpired desires, tired, lord I’m asking why me I’ve amazingly finally broke free from the pillars that bind me to find a tremendous degree of violence residing inside me scarred from the trip through portals flying at a high speed I lead an immortal army of divine tyrants fighting behind me wisely choosing battles while using my sixth sense to guide me at war with old regimes of ancient barbarians and Vikings surrounded by legions of demons bidding their kings liking sightings of magical scrolls written in mysterious writings believing the end is near I find the strength to keep fighting continue moving my forces ahead flooding the gates of Hades it’s said this is where the dead wait patiently for unborn babies who died before there time, and where raised under Satan’s slavery we hastily embellish the castle and we battle swarms of nazi leaders still believing they killed for a reason, fucking scorned flock of deceivers noticed Hitler still preaching unleashed my wrath in the form of beatings personal reasons for mercifully leading men that are hurting and bleeding I’m certain the feelings are preserved in the unlawful and violent killings after the nazi regime we’ll hunt Taliban and any servants still breathing followed by the disreputable catholic priests for attacking our children i also have no respect for the sand people crashing into our buildings and once I’ve rid the underworld of all the copious scum and ignorance I’ll hurriedly focus more on earth’s war torn state in a form of diligence |
tight words man......
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thanks homie... uppin more feedback please...
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yo dope drop liked tha flow,tha structure,your wordplay good drop fam
keep this tyte shit up fam werd |
thanks fam... uppin this...
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upppppppin thissssssssssssss
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upppin feed plz......
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This was pretty good, its decent
Not the best that ive read but not the worst either... Your wordplay was okay but enxt time try to use bigger words... Try to use alittle more emotions and feeling ... your structure was good , and really easy to read overall keep it up, and elevate you'll be fine Ps:Drop a link to an OM' you have left feed back on or this while be closed |
left feed back on......
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2069264 |
yo uppin feed please.....
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yea this was a nice piece, I like the vocab as well n it had a kind of poetic feel to it.
overall i thought it was a dope drop man, i dono y bones telling ya ta elevate ya more or less there wit a piece like that. peace! could u rtf by voting on ma battle man coz noone wants to vote lol. |
yeah aiight homie.. ill do that tommorow.....
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bahh, i didn't like what your mission turned out to be, fighting hitler and all that, first half was pretty good actually, vivid, packed with emotion, great imagery, picked the vocab nicely and you didn't overdue it, but i kinda fell off with the story........got a talent for writing, keep up
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thanks homie.. yeah thats coo
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upppppinnnnnnnnn
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whoa man this was fire...straight up nice wordplay, nice vocab loved the flow...structure was a little wierd but stayed consistent with itself...one of my fave OM's not done by me (damn I'm conceited lol)...rtf if you haven't lol 9/10
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damn yo thanks for the great feed peace fam...
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Hmmmm, you took quite a risk with that approach because it's the kinda story you either love or hate but luckily for you, I love it :thumbup: but let me break this down...
Vocab: your vocab was from a rather high level which can work as an advantage but it can also turn against you. Here, it didn't affect the content of the piece. On the contrary even, it was a nice add-on but you have to be cautious. Don't let the vocabulary become more important than the content of your story so beware you maintain the balance between complex and basic. Imagery: you managed to make the story yours throughout the imagery, you pictured the whole image inside my head so good due to the words you used. I could see it flashing in front of my eyes like a movie, you mastered the aspect imagery already for which I have to give you props. I enjoy your writing style, so vivid and powerful. Emotion: the emotion was at a nice level as well, could be improved here and there maybe but nothing too serious though. You stayed quite consistent with the emotion, maybe a little more powerful in the beginning but you worded the feelings and thoughts of the person quite well. Flow/Structure: I have no bad comments to give on these aspects, I'm just going to warn you. You like to use big vocabulary here and there so make sure you don't overdo it because you might make your lines stretched then which will strongly affect your flow. In this piece, it was just fine but I'm just trying to help for possible pieces in the future :) Nice piece, enjoyed reading it! DQ |
thankyou very much.. :)
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uppin thissssssss
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anyone else gunna ippppp on dis shiotttt?????????
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Reali tite homie!!!!
A reali nice flow!!!! But da whole thing is ace!!!!! Keep it up!!!! |
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