|
mizz fyre vs drama queen
Battle Rules:
Topical Battle- Living My Dream 16 - 30 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 04-19-05 at 02:14 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
mizz fyre has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-16-05 02:23 PM.
|
Sat in the chair, despair, mom combing her afro hair
Little girl, seven, wondering why life can be so unfair Mom talking bout a world of opportunities, dreams But incidents crushed a personality that once beamed Growing up, times rough, parents no longer, husband and wife In winter, no sun, she provided the light in her mother’s life Head on her shoulders, always been so full of knowledge At sixteen, education her main goal, she attended college Went through years when the world became a place of anxiety No variety, acceptance was hard for a black girl in our society Every rejection steered her away from her dreams direction On reflection, disappointing, she strived for so much perfection Now a mother, with her own baby, tryna give her the chance To enhance her education, realise everything in advance Never making the same mistakes as she had, having an aim Making her claim, having control of exactly what she became…… |
Drama Queen has ACCEPTED this battle on 04-19-05 12:59 PM.
|
Tossing...turning...incapable of getting lost in slumber Worries filling my mind, counted sheep, forgot the number Desperately seeking for harmony and internal peace But the more I try, the more the misery seems to increase No poverty or domestic rage, locked up in a golden cage Freedom restricted, progress blocked, prevented a come of age Silent when I need to scream, living under fascist regime Controlled by heartless fiend, haunting me in my dream ...My dream... . . . . Fluorescent lights glaring down, no more reality around Cruel commands, humiliation, laying naked on the ground On view like monkeys at the zoo 24 hours a day Lost in decay due to those orders I'm forced to obey No daylight! None! No air! None! No darkness! Never quiet! Violence lurking below the surface causing a riot No one has ever escaped through those bullet-proof gates Such frigid sterile environment, caught up in dire straits A gnawing sense of hunger, treated like a thing, not a person Oppressive, terrified to speak for the situation might worsen . . . . Sweaty forehead pounding and ears ringing as I awaken Atmosphere of unparalleled fright I wish I had mistaken But I am indeed imprisoned in this bare society So numb and tortured, slowly destroyed by anxiety Doesn't anyone hear the soft shrieks I'm giving? Anguished for my dream is what I am living |
aight vote it ya'll.......................................
|
vote it up...............................................
|
Listen to the lady and drop some votes on this!
DQ |
Come on! Vote!!! Lolz...its nice read, good topic as well so read!
DQ |
Voted For: Drama Queen
oh shit it hot man u killed that man it was all good Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
Voted For: Drama Queen
Like Drama Queens really nice was feeling it and kinda put me into story mode Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
Can someone please give fully explained votes? Thank you.
DQ |
yeah lol.......like structure, staying on topic............
|
This was feedback posted for Drama Queen
Checking the polls yo...............................
|
Voted For: Drama Queen
Man this was a tight battle yall both my girls so it was a tough one I was torn on who to vote for I had to go and back and re-read it like 2 times but yall shit was tight very emotional and deep um Mizz Fyre you came out kind of weak wasn't really filling your first verse and thats what kind of made me go like man this is booring but you seriously picked it up thru out the whole thing and eneded with a bang. DQ you came right out firing your shit was tight you had great structure and great vocab your opener was what kept me reading it but damn yall had some tight shit yall both my girls but my vote goes too......... Drama Queen |
aight ya'll thanx for voting.....glad to see we finally gettin some votes up in here
|
Yeah, if you want efecx to explain bit more its cool cause I felt feed was bit less but good to see people voting!
DQ |
!!!Uppity Up Up!!! Vote vote vote! Explained though
DQ |
Quote:
nah its aight i think the vote was explained enough.............uppin ya'll |
^Okay, was just asking 'cause I'd understand if you wanted him to clarify some stuff, was nice verse btw!
DQ |
Voted For: Drama Queen
Voted for DQ, but was veryy close, most of the time mizzes was good but had a few off parts, both had nice vocab and stuck to the topic well but overall dq came harder with dome deeper lines and better vocab. Good verses by both, NO HATE. |
This was feedback posted for Drama Queen
seein if ppl have voted yet.....................
mizz fyre ya fam 'n' all but Drama Queen killed this battle!!! |
Thanks man, upping for some more votes you kno
Mizz fyre had nice verse as well in my opinion tho, nothing but love girl! DQ |
Voted For: Drama Queen
im gonna have to go wit DQ on this one. yall both came wit some nice verses but i think dq's was more representative of the topic, nah mean. she had more imagery which helped to create a better picture. like "A gnawing sense of hunger", and "Sweaty forehead pounding and ears ringing ", stuff like that helps make ya verse more thorough and thats why i liked DQ's joint more, so she gets my vote. RETURN THE FAVOR links are in the sig |
Voted For: mizz fyre
ok this was very good here by both good imagery and story lines both of you jumped way too long steps along which pissed me off but whatever vocab was also good by both drama had creativity but fyre had a more good story that held me in and captivated me more so i think thats what wins in topical the better story and to me miss fyre had that hands down. rtf on link in sig |
Thanks for honest and fully explained votes y'all, you know they much appreciated!!!
DQ |
yeah thanx ya'll............uppin.........................
|
Upping this battle, come on y'all...it's a good topic and nice verse from both of us...good read...
DQ |
Voted For: Drama Queen
vote for drama your topical had some deapth in it ma...good shit ya imagery was real good you painted a perfect picture miss fyre your was good you just didnt have the depth drama had |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:10 AM. |