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-   -   ELEMENTALITY vs HELLFIRE (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=186748)

50Cal. 04-18-05 04:42 AM

ELEMENTALITY vs HELLFIRE
 
Check In By WENSDAY Or Topic Wont Be Given Poems Due By FRIDAY NITE 12 PM EASTERN TIME. Edit You Link With At Least 2 Other Poetry Battles In The League You Voted On Voting Ends At 12 Eastern TimeON WENSDAY NITE NEXT WEEK.no Line Length And Dont Write A Topical. This Is A Poetry League I Will Dq You If You Write A Fucking Topical I Hate That Shit Its Not Poetry!!Gotta Actually Win Good Luck To BotH
TOPIC-COLD SUN

Hells Fire 04-19-05 12:13 AM

checkin in haha im in two pimp ish im a poetic fiend...goood luck to the kat on the other side of this

Elementality 04-19-05 12:14 AM

ey mate. keep yea luck, you'll need it.

Hells Fire 04-19-05 01:42 AM

my bad i typed it wrong i meant to say i dont need luck...ya got me *looks stupid for a second and then acts like nothin happened*
ONE VOTE DEDUCTED FROM HELLFIRE DO NOT FREEPOST

Hells Fire 04-20-05 09:29 AM

how about 20-30 lines what ya think
2 VOTES DUDUCTED FROM HELLFIRE STOP FREEPOSTING IM HIM TO ASK HIM THAT

Elementality 04-23-05 01:00 AM

As I walk through the forest I see him peering over my shoulder
I know that if I turn around I will be petrified with one glance
So I don’t, instead, I pretend like he's not there.... But hes consistent
He wants me to let my guard down so he can claim me: Another dead

Years without looking upward even once into the orange giant's baneful eyes
Because I know that if I gaze at him crookedly he will kill me surely
For he massacres thousands a day, in every conceivable matter
He doesn't really care who I am, what my name is, or where I'm from
All he cares about is ravaging humanity off systematically

As I look around at all the magnificent beauty of this natural phenomena,
I reach an epiphany. One that hits you swiftly in the most impetuous of ways
I then stop abruptly, and I see his shadow directly under me, this time he talks
He tries convincing me that he isn't just the monstrosity I’ve come to conceive
He says hes a giver of life to all, and a caretaker of the earth as well

This may be true. But you're missing one piece... Sure you flourish life all
over the globe, keep things warm, and you even give us everlasting energy
You are the provider of life, true. But before life has its chance to live
you take it away not making you a giver of life.... but an Indian giver.


Hells Fire 04-23-05 01:32 AM

Cold Sun
 
Cold Sun
Icy inferno where frost bites the burn
icy inferno where lost fights to learn
i watched the sun get a full eclipse
i temped the 101 celcius fall to six
photosynthesis stoped cuz the sun was cold
meta morphasis stoped cuz the son was bold
hell froze over with a snow balls chance
devil blaze over with a skate halls dance
the shadow has encompased the world in death
the meadow has decomposed the last self health
men learned to see in a shaded wit
men learned to be in a saded width
i couldnt find the heat of passion
i couldnt find the leak of staminon
where the sun was cold we couldnt see to this
where the son was bold we couldnt see weakness
the cold sun where heaven stands still as hell has one
the cold sun where heaven hands kill to that last one
the sons arms couldnt pull it back to the sky
with ones harms distalent null back to die
before the nova where live rebirths the phoenix
before the lava where allive births the crusifix
cold fire how do you burn the hottest
cold fire how do you burn the brightest
when coldness hits the sun blue fire engulfs all to one
when coldness hits the sun blue fire infernos all to none
cold shadow of the sun we never knew
cold shadow of the sun we never grew
cold sun where gods lay and lives of candles flicker
cold sun where minds lay blow my candles wicker

best as i could do in a few minutes

50Cal. 04-23-05 04:00 AM

OK ELEMENATAL GOOD DROP HERE VOCAB AND IMAGERY WISE BUT EMOTION WAS MISSING LIKE CRAZY AND YOUR DISCRIPTIVE CREATIVITY IS WEAK MAKING FOR A BLAND POEM IT WAS BORING AND SEEMED AS IF IT WAS JUST A STORY POETRY IS TO BE SO MUCH MORE EMOTION AND METAPHORES THROWN INTO POWERFULL DROPS THIS FAILED TO GAIN MY ATTENTION AT ALL IT WAS AS I SAID BASICALLY VERY WEAK IN A EMOTION ASPECT AND WASNT GIVING ME A VIVID ENOUGH PICTURE WHILE HELLFIRE YOU HAD GOOD EMOTION AND GOOD IMAGERY HERE MAKING FOR QUITE A DECENT POEM THAT BROUGHT THE READER IN.THE METAS HELPED YOU ALONG SUCH AS devil blaze over with a skate halls dance
WHICH WAS GOOD AS WELL AS MANY OTHER LINES SO TO ME HELLFIRE WON WITH BETTER EMOTION AND VISUAL ASPECTS.
VOTE-HELLFIRE

Elementality 04-23-05 12:10 PM

So i take it hes not getting Dqed for dropping his shit 15 mins late
he spoke to me on aim bout a extention i gave him one since hes in two battles for the league this week
one vote deducted for freepost

Germ 04-23-05 02:23 PM

get him dq'd then.....he dq'd me from VE because i posted 1 minute late

Elementality 04-23-05 02:53 PM

No shit man wtf

^^..^^ 04-23-05 02:55 PM

^ 2 votes deducted i gave him a extenstion he had two poems to do stop crying you freepost again and your dqed

.Poetic. 04-23-05 03:39 PM

Man, C.A.L.I that makes the polls -1 to -2...

Elementality came way harder in this...Hells Fires verse wasn't to great...just a bunch of nursery rhyme bullshit...He had like a week to write that? Why the fuck he need an extension...C.A.L.I your just helping out Hells Fire because he isn't a newb...It doesn't say anywhere in the thread that he had an extenstion...He should be DQ'd for dropping late...if not...I'm voting for Elementality because his poem whored Hells Fires...You know it too...:)

Vote: Elementality /Should be an auto DQ Win..

^^..^^ 04-23-05 08:46 PM

^no and dont freepost again or ill ban you as well ho on all your alaises hellfire had a much better drop my exlanation is above and he had 2 battles this week in the league to do as well..............................

¤ÐÅž¤ 04-23-05 09:59 PM

element-your imagery was solid, but i wasnt feeling the way you protrayed this topic, it couldve been more indepth on a few key elements,example your descriptive-ness was on the weaker side, although this was an issue with your drop i still enjoyed the read.props, good job.

hells-i saw where you were going with this verse, to tell you the truth i wasnt feeling the simplicity of it, its just my opinion but it seemed very lil effort and thought went into this piece, i found you lacked in all catagories, sorry hells...try harder next tyme
.
also, the amount of bs n freeposts in this thread is rather
discouraging, please if your in this league, read the rules and abide by them.
.
my final vote.element.....

.Poetic. 04-23-05 11:22 PM

This is not a freepost...

Either was my last post, I was simply saying I vote for Elementality, his verse was better...if you want me to explain it right now I will...

He had way better imagery, emotion, vocabulary, everything...his story line was great...hells fire was a bunch of short sentences that rhymed...and any gr.3 could have thought of the concept....Elementalitys verse was just better...

V/Elementality...

DQ 04-24-05 01:59 PM

Elementality: enjoyed reading your piece because you have a nice writing style in my opinion. I like how you portrayed the sun in those different scenes and how you let the story progress. Your vocabulary was at a high level and it gave something extra to your poem, the imagery was excellent due to your word choice. The emotion was nice as well, how you portrayed the sun as a being and how it made the person feel. I read it a few times to fully grasp everything you were saying, very nice poem!


Hells Fire: I enjoy how you set up this poem with the 2 similar structured lines all the time, the imagery was great. I could really picture everything inside my mind and your emotion was strong, it portrayed the almighty sun versus the mortal human being and such, I really love your approach. The vocab was very good as well, I was scared that those similar lines would get repetitive after a while but that didn't happen, I was focussed throughout the whole thing. You really managed to bring out the concept of the cold so well, excellent piece!

Close battle and it's very hard to decide on this on but in the end my vote goes to Hells Fire, no hate whatsoever to Elementality because I enjoyed both drops! I just like the creative approach and emotion in Hells Fire's piece a bit more...

DQ

Whyte Ave. 04-24-05 08:52 PM

vote/Elemntality

Both were decent drops...but I felt the way Element took the topic more, it just seemed to grasp me. I had to read Hellfire's a couple times cause I kinda just lost a little interest towards the end..but after reading again it was good. Hell's flowed alot smoother, due to the more even lines and the bit of rhyme scheme he had. But in a poem I look for thought, detail etc. and Element took it there.

50Cal. 04-25-05 03:15 AM

hellfire wins............................................


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