|
Sakim Aerias vs Golden Dayz
Topical Rules:
20-30 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting No Feeding (taking my idea) No Hopefull votes (People trying out for your crew) Topic: Colored Sky Minimum posts to vote: 350 Check in by: 05-06-05 at 09:31 PM Must drop verse in 2880 minutes after check in. Closed 3-0 KO |
Golden Dayz has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-05-05 09:42 AM.
|
Also, it is 3 votes to a win......................
|
Sakim Aerias has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-06-05 07:36 AM.
|
Before we Begin Look at that sky outside and hold on to the appearance, After you have that look then closer your windows for minimum interferance. Think about the site of that sky and how the colors are just there, What do you think would happen if they one day all the colors disappeared? That Day is Near White snow covers the sky like the morning after the first fall of snow, You look up high and wonder where you are and where to go. Lines are gone and the sky is one long line waiting to be drawn, On paper extended and staying the same way from dusk till dawn. Blending like the objects were made especially for each other, No more differences between size, shape, or color. No more blue skys to brighten one person's dreary day, No more ability to see the perception of relativity far away. No fog to cover land since the differences no longer exist, No more rain, sleet, snow, or hail because the balance doesn't fit. Everyday is like the next and nothing can tell you different, Was that rain or wind? Guess it depends on how you're hearin it. Look up to expect colors to entertain your eyes for joy, No more little excitement for the little girls and boys. The sun is useless and becomes part of the boring pack of white, Night is like the previous day, the same old, boring sight. Now Look Outside Again Look outside your window and think about the beauty to be seen This thing people tell about inside their fantasies and dreams See the sunlight brighten the sky so full of life and mixed with change, Things that are the same and different blend into a seemless fade. Look outside your window and peer into that colored sky above, look inside it to find the lyrics people write for happiness and love. |
Bout to post my verse now..................................
|
Slavery As the whip slashes on my back, I heavily barked with tears Every hit takes a inch of my live away, to me as I know it is near The scars on my back stays on like an tattoo with agonizing pain My arms are fully hanged and chain, my shirt fill with blood stains So many people like me go through this every day, some don’t live long Picking up cottons under the hot sun, we’re weak, they’re too strong Our bones being showed under the tight skin, were too hopeless to fight Kids dieing by dehydration, but no coffins they’re body decay by ant bites So many colored souls being sent to heaven, no wonder the sky stays black Until someone stop this, My people will go through this dangerous disease like plague Racism Forcefully hit by the water hose, hurting my ribs. Tears gas stinging my eyes Beating me on the ground, by nightsticks. My legs are sore, unable to arise I see the same thing to my left and my right; kids screaming from the top of their lungs The pepper spray is burning their tongue, I see knuckle fist being swung This whole thing started, by judging the belief, of is god is black or white They didn’t like how the bible was written, and we were unable to unite God had wool hair, god had tan skin and that all revolves us “black” They wanted us out., they did it by threat, and killing, putting our bodies in a sack As I’m getting the severe scars by hate and envy, I yell and cry No wonder the sky is black, too many colored souls is being sent to the sky .:We is black:. We’re being judged by the white faces, that don’t like the colors They killed, my sister, my brother. Who can stop this dangerous chapter? Trapped in a world, of non-equal. It’s like being split in 2 worlds With heavily fear pouring down on us, tears always being hurled Our screams remains deafness to them, also the chapter seven, heaven Bruises on our backs, from whips to fist, that come fast like lighten Young souls, don’t have a chance of the future, being sent northward early It’s like being trapped in Hitler’s world, were everything is so deathly They yell, “We hate you, we hate you, GET OUT OF HERE! Die” As we look up, and take our deadly fate, the cloud is so black no wonder ………………………So many colored souls is in the sky |
Uppin............................................. .....
|
Real quick man, a lot of black people weren't killed by slavery. Many liked it because of the food and shelter it provided them. Many were killed as well, but my point is that not all people hated it.
It's gonna be a close battle homie. |
Ok................................................
|
Uppin................................... ........ .
|
Where the votes?......Uppin........................
|
Voted For: Sakim Aerias
Sakim Aerias: I love how you approached the topic as in terms of struggles black people go through and the sky being coloured by the coloured souls sent to heaven. Found an excellent balance in your vocab, might have been upped here and there but you managed to portray your message in vivid, powerful way. Imagery was amazing, I could really picture all the scenes you worded. The emotion was very strong, so raw and pure as well. It simply poured out, it's a very emotional topic (at least the way you interpretated it). Many still struggle with this today (not so much slavery but still the racism). The last part summed it all up, had your flow on lock too (some lines were bit stretched but it's all good). Nice piece! Golden Dayz: you approached the topic in a very creative, never-done-before way which allowed you to fully take the imagery, however made you lack a bit of emotion. As I already stated, the imagery was at a high, you really portrayed the transition in such a vivid, clear way that I could see it flashing in front of my eyes like a movie. The emotion was good but not as strong as Sakim Aerias, you gave me a sense of melancholy, of sorrow, of regret. But I felt it was another sort of emotion, it wasn't a personal pure emotion but more a global feeling of:"damn why did it change?". Vocab was equally good as well as the flow, you had bit better flow though in my opinion. Strongest aspect was creativity, flow and imagery. Tough battle to decide on but I'ma go for Sakim Aerias because I'm feeling his approach a bit more but Golden Dayz, ain't got nothing but love for you! |
This was feedback posted for Sakim Aerias
damn................
okay lol, checkin the polls, not gonna vote because i'll leave that for the real topical heads ta judge... good luck both. |
This was feedback posted for Sakim Aerias
Checking Polls....................Good drop both but i think u won it homie
|
Ok, Uppin for votes...............................
|
Uppin for some more votes holla........................
|
It's been what? A week since this battle been open. Uppin for votes.
|
This was feedback posted for Sakim Aerias
wow kid.... im glad your with us in PSA cause this shit is DOPENESS to the fullest man... im really feelin it... u got all the emotion down and your vocab is great... keep this shit up man fa real.... just leavin some feed...
|
Thanx.............................Uppin for some votes..................
|
Seriously, can we get some votes......................
|
Uppin............................................. .........
|
Yo seriously......................Uppin.............. ...
|
Yo Uppin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
This was feedback posted for Sakim Aerias
Sakim
not bad decent piece good stucture for most and ya flow was decent but ya lines are a lil long. vocabulary coulda been a bit upped. rhyme scheme wasn't bad the 1st verse it was decent the 2nd verse it stood out more. but overall not bad piece. B- |
Uppin................................... ........ .
And also, why am I getting no feed, just him? |
^^ Well isn't it obvious............................Lol j/p.
Uppin.................. |
Bump.............................................. .................
|
Uppin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
Bump this up.............................................
|
Uppin for some damn votes............................
|
Uppin For Some Damn Votes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
Voted For: Sakim Aerias
tweety-below are my fav bars... So many colored souls being sent to heaven, no wonder the sky stays black Until someone stop this, My people will go through this dangerous disease like plague ^^1st line was dope, 2nd line fell off huge...what happened?? 1st n second verse were aight.light the imagery in both parts emotion was more prodiminent in your 2nd vere thou to be honest i wasnt really feeling the third part of your verse althou i liked how you split it n kept the same type of ending but ultered it slightly to each..awesome take on the topic, i liked how you protrayed it n had great meaning throughout....nice drop man.....stay up . /. rev-nice flow n consistency, but i felt your take on the topic was rather bland, your verse held little to none metaphoric value, it seems you went blank on alot of your piece n just wrote what came to you.....i did however like your ending which was the best part of your piece....it just seems the effort wasnt there......... . . |
^^ Aiight thanx...............A favor will be returned.........
|
Voted For: Sakim Aerias
ight i aint really good wit topicals in this so imma do my best i aint gonna break it down line by line coz i aint got much time famz... i cant vote on the other battle coz drakel is in my crew so im voting on this one.... rev: i liked this verse i had ok emotion... vocab was ight pretty good but not basic... your lines were good and u got your story across... structure wasn't great neither was the flow... that was your biggest flaw in you verse i must say told u i aint good at explaining these lol... sry fam Tweety: u went deep into this topic, went into different aspects of colour which i liked alot... your vocab was better than revs, emotion was dope and flow was good... the only problem i thought of with this is that some of your lines were a bit stretched it aint that bad but that was the only flaw i could make out in your verse.. god battle... i'm giving this to tweety for having more emotion better vocab and a better understanding of the topic... hope this helps guys pz and no hate... |
Voted For: Sakim Aerias
As the whip slashes on my back, I heavily barked with tears Every hit takes a inch of my live away, to me as I know it is near The scars on my back stays on like an tattoo with agonizing pain My arms are fully hanged and chain, my shirt fill with blood stains So many people like me go through this every day, some don’t live long Picking up cottons under the hot sun, we’re weak, they’re too strong Our bones being showed under the tight skin, were too hopeless to fight Kids dieing by dehydration, but no coffins they’re body decay by ant bites So many colored souls being sent to heaven, no wonder the sky stays black Until someone stop this, My people will go through this dangerous disease like plague Racism Forcefully hit by the water hose, hurting my ribs. Tears gas stinging my eyes Beating me on the ground, by nightsticks. My legs are sore, unable to arise I see the same thing to my left and my right; kids screaming from the top of their lungs The pepper spray is burning their tongue, I see knuckle fist being swung This whole thing started, by judging the belief, of is god is black or white They didn’t like how the bible was written, and we were unable to unite God had wool hair, god had tan skin and that all revolves us “black” They wanted us out., they did it by threat, and killing, putting our bodies in a sack As I’m getting the severe scars by hate and envy, I yell and cry No wonder the sky is black, too many colored souls is being sent to the sky .:We is black:. We’re being judged by the white faces, that don’t like the colors They killed, my sister, my brother. Who can stop this dangerous chapter? Trapped in a world, of non-equal. It’s like being split in 2 worlds With heavily fear pouring down on us, tears always being hurled Our screams remains deafness to them, also the chapter seven, heaven Bruises on our backs, from whips to fist, that come fast like lighten Young souls, don’t have a chance of the future, being sent northward early It’s like being trapped in Hitler’s world, were everything is so deathly They yell, “We hate you, we hate you, GET OUT OF HERE! Die” As we look up, and take our deadly fate, the cloud is so black no wonder ………………………So many colored souls is in the sky Iight u cant be faulted in any way shape or form, nyce choice ov topic..imagination wuz not needed because u used real lyfe stories & happenings in da world & put ur self in da position it happend 2 u, i wuz really feelin dat, & me being black culd relate 2 alot ov ur concepts. da emotion wuz well expressed thru da words & topics & frum diz peice i'd say u was a lil modern day malcolm x lol...really nyce job, u killed it. Vote=Tweety, better concept wit da slavery thing, both wuz a real enjoyable read but da slavery thing wuz damn near a masterpeice |
fuuuuuuuuuck, i posted a bunch ov feed 4 revelation on hiz verse but i put it in his box under his topic then forgot 2 copy n paste it after i left feed on tweetys verse!!!!!
Ok..........sorry 4 da inconvience Revelation: Ur topic wuz good, emotion wuz evident thru ur expression ov words, creativity on the sceheme ov ur peice wuznt as strong as tweetys but it was styll good & pretty damn complex, vocab wuz strong, imagination wuz real good....only thing u lacked dat tweety had wyz da concepot & da way he played off da topic using slavery, kno wat i mean? sorry 4 da weak brake down but u gota understand i wrote a damn essay on ur verse & forgot 2 copy n paste it into tweetys voting box so my bad...good job though revelation, juz needed 2 be more creative wit ur scheme ov da topic |
Aight, close this Tweety. Good job man............
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:35 AM. |