|
Limited Edition vs Topical
Topical vs. Limited Edition
Crhyme Sindicate vs. 6 Feet Topical Battle: Topic: Suicide Note Battle Rules: 6 - UNLIMITED Lines No Crew Votes (Includes The Establishment and The Council) No Recycling No Biting Minimum posts to vote: 500 Check in by: 05-14-05 at 03:22 AM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
Limited Edition has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-11-05 02:47 PM.
|
Topical has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-11-05 04:59 PM.
|
Suicide Note As I awoke in the morning I noticed, outside, it was pouring Time to get up and do nothing, I got no job, my life is boring Making me some lunch, I grab the knife, and began to wonder Would anyone care if I took my life, went on an eternal slumber But I always wonder about death, it's cuz im always stressed Because at the end of the night, Im the one who is gettin left Alone, this community is cold, with there eyes they keep staring Feindish looks bewaring, this life is dark, and unimaginably scary I live in a 2 room apartment, with no carpet, so it hurts your feet Most of the money i got pay bills, so for me, it's hard to just eat Tried sellin on the streets, but with that came police, time in jail So for a while there, my grocery money, went to my own bail I sit down and watch some tv, and reminice about old memories The phone rings, this girl sayin she comin over, I said u better be Eventually i hear a knock at the door, I rush over to greet her Open the door, she's lookin sexy as hell, staring at her curves Invite her in, we both sit down, i make light talk for a little while Flirtin with her, I look in her eyes, she looks in mine then smiles I told her i need to shower, and she asks if i want any company With that said, i pitured her naked, on top, and crazy humpin me But I said no, and went on with my business, and took a shower I herd her creep sometime later, it hadnt even been but a half hour She yanked the curtain open, and i noticed she was holdin somthin Then she said, "Look." and took what she had held, like it was nothin Slit her fuckin throat, and then I screamed and ran out to the table Tried to pick up the phone and dial for help off of the nine-11 label As I was talkin i notcied a piece of paper, i put down the phone Opened the note, read it, it said how she didnt want to be alone I never shoulda declined the offer to fonicate, but now it's too late Then at the end it said, "This is my letter of love, lust and anger. So thanks for leaving me alone," i think i guess i shoulda banged her, "Im suicidal, you never shoulda left me to be a threat to myself. If you woulda just fucked me, i'd have lost stress and it coulda helped. So this is the last thing you will read, i loved you, wanted us to be, i hope... That seeing me die, is great, cuz now all you got is my suicide note" |
...I sit at the desk that has given me pressure on my chest... ...Image of death in my mind, why have I failed God's test... ...I begin to scribble down, jot letters that hold my repentance... ...Left defenseless, I die even more, I cry even more each sentance... To My Family... None of this is your fault, we have had a tough going... ...Whether it was rain or snowing, we had just quit growing It all started when Pa died, please let my explain myself... ...These are the reasons that I am gonna end the pain I dealt When Pa died, the world collapsed, and the stars vanished... ...Oh such a lonely planet, why do we face something so tragic? The words that ran through our heads........He's really gone... ...That drove so many people so crazy.......Even Dad and mom Dad started drinking even more, and Mom couldn't take it... ...Instead of encouraging Dad, she tried a fast way to escape it It's my fault that they're divorced, I already faced realization... ...The skies are ragin', so I'm gonna end the tears, my eyes are blazin'... To My Friends... To the few that I have, please don't take this as offence... ...Do you love me as a brother, or do you hate me in a sense? Do you use me and abuse me, and find that so amusing....? ...I can't even tell anymore...so this is the path that I am choosing You say don't do it, what is the message from that motive...? ...If you truly did care for me, then you should have shown it I sit alone, cold, drink a brew have a smoke in the dark... ...You don't even have the guts to talk to me, and I'm not too far So this is what I am saying to you, at my time of death... ...If you did care for me, then you should have shown respect But no you pushed and reject, pushing me to do this... ...And if you didn't care for me, than I guess I'm the one who's stupid.... Signed, Chad W. McGhie ...I fold the piece of paper, put it in an empty envelope... ...I hang the rope, and I tie the noose around my throat... |
...I sit at the desk that has given me pressure on my chest... ...Image of death in my mind, why have I failed God's test... ...I begin to scribble down, jot letters that hold my repentance... ...Left defenseless, I die even more, I cry even more each sentance... To My Family... None of this is your fault, we have had a tough going... ...Whether it was rain or snowing, we had just quit growing It all started when Pa died, please let my explain myself... ...These are the reasons that I am gonna end the pain I dealt When Pa died, the world collapsed, and the stars vanished... ...Oh such a lonely planet, why do we face something so tragic? The words that ran through our heads........He's really gone... ...That drove so many people so crazy.......Even Dad and mom Dad started drinking even more, and Mom couldn't take it... ...Instead of encouraging Dad, she tried a fast way to escape it It's my fault that they're divorced, I already faced realization... ...The skies are ragin', so I'm gonna end the tears, my eyes are blazin'... To My Friends... To the few that I have, please don't take this as offence... ...Do you love me as a brother, or do you hate me in a sense? Do you use me and abuse me, and find that so amusing....? ...I can't even tell anymore...so this is the path that I am choosing You say don't do it, what is the message from that motive...? ...If you truly did care for me, then you should have shown it I sit alone, cold, drink a brew have a smoke in the dark... ...You don't even have the guts to talk to me, and I'm not too far So this is what I am saying to you, at my time of death... ...If you did care for me, then you should have shown respect But no you pushed and reject, pushing me to do this... ...And if you didn't care for me, than I guess I'm the one who's stupid.... Signed, Chad W. McGhie ...I fold the piece of paper, put it in an empty envelope... ...I hang the rope, and I tie the noose around my throat.... |
This was feedback posted for Limited Edition
l.e owned him hahahahahahahahaha checkinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
|
Voted For: Limited Edition
summary:
Limited Edition, your words were few and powerful. i mean, the way you brought this was good. although i despised the way you worded many things, i enjoyed the duration of the multies and structured flow. the verse was overrall, good. you had some minor mishaps. but i believe you deserve my vote, both hands down. word. um the only advice i would see fit to pass to you, is to udilize the thesaurus hidden in your cerebral quater. good read. Topical, i saw your verse as handled incorrectly, im not sure there is such a thing as a illigitemate topical, since topicals are cardiovascular, meaning they are told with one opinion, one view and one only. therefore your verse cannot be blasphemis, it just wasnt as enjoyable as LE's. it was good, but your rising action (approach) didnt really connect with the climax. looking at it this way, clarifies that it was good...just not well premeditated. good luck with the rest of the polls. vote: Limited Edition |
yeh i kinda just threw something together.........i didnt plan out what i was writing i just kinda keyd it in a sense...........but yeh i agree LE had a more powerful drop.......so i dont expect to get many votes.....if any
good drop LE uppin |
This was feedback posted for Topical
close battle...close battle.............cant vote cause im TC
|
This was feedback posted for Topical
checkin polls............................................. ....
|
uppin...i guesss my verse was a lil better than i thought
|
^________________________________________________^
|
Voted For: Limited Edition
Emotion-Limited, i liked the emotion a lot in limiteds piece...there were many good lines that brought this aspect out, the breaking up of the sections like friends and family were great...there were good liens from each of them that brightened the emotion aspect...topicals verse was ...ok with emotion, it felt too normal and played out though... Imagery-Topical...i thought topical had more imagery here...basically had more lines describing how the situation looked and all Beginning/Ending-Limited for beginning, Topical for ending...Limiteds beginning had a better transition into someone about to read a piece...it didnt have a beginning that made the reader feel like there was a lot more to read...and it brought the reader into the situation good, but i believe Topical got the ending...i loved topicals ending and i wouldve never thought the girl would of killed herself... Overall it was close but im going with Limited because of the reasons posted above also his transitions in his piece were a lot better...near the middle to end of Topicals verse it felt like it completely changed the subject from the girl in another room to her killing herself in a bathroom...it didnt come together that good... no hate thought, good luck to both peace Rules say no votes from The Council |
sorry to say.....im glad a vote finally came......but it states No Crew Votes (Includes The Establishment and The Council)
sorry again....but rules are rules..... |
This was feedback posted for Topical
this rap would get my vote for the win if i could vote...
|
so why couldnt you at least have dropped feed........i apreciate the fact you took the time to read it tho....:thumbup:
|
uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp ppppppppppppp
|
^________________________________________________^
|
Uppin' this fuckin shit...........................
|
This was feedback posted for Topical
im just checking the polls gentlemen. nice work fellas, word. keep it up.
^^^UUUPPPPPPIIINNN''' for votes!!! BOOST THE CRHYME RATE!!! s.v..............big bad c.s. |
Uppin' this fuckin' shit.................................
|
sigh....upp stop sleepin on damn topicals!!!!!!!!!
|
uppin ^__________________________________________^
|
Upp.............Buncha fuckin' sleepers...........
|
up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up
|
Voted For: Limited Edition
ohhh limited this was dope good structure good strong feelin in this also good flow very simple to read good ryme scheam also i like how u added tha to my family then to yo friendz and how u started it by sayin a few barz then closed it tha same way dopeness this was one of tha best topicals ive read so this is your easyily exelent job on this man madd propz topical-u also had good structure and flow feelin was less deep though and vocab wasnt as strong as his good verse thou for sho like yo concept on this too he just had a way betta structure and set up but dont fault this piece cause it was good i liked errythi9ng bout it just didnt have tha feelin that his did and also i liked his set uop better so imma say limited takes this dope dropz both yall keep it up |
This was feedback posted for Limited Edition
Cking............................................. ...................
|
Uppin' for fuck sakes...STOP SLEEPING YOU DIRTY FUCKING BASTARDS!!!
|
Voted For: Limited Edition
WOW, this was a close battle, after i read topicals i thought he def gonna take the win, then i read LE's. Topical, yours was nice, had a good structure decent enough flow and i was feelin the story behid, nice imagery too. The reason LE takes this is for using better vocab and his was a lot more emotional and deeper, both had good flows and shit but LE just came hard here and i was feelin the categorys you used. RTF Vs Verbal S man. |
2 days............................................
|
Voted For: Limited Edition
Limited edition: this was definatly above average. I was impressed dude. I think you definatly pooled in old emotions from real experiences. Props for the verse. As for the other dude..........wtf........... That was the most ...bizaare unexpected storyline I've read in a long time. It made no sense.. Your a guy that is broke as fuck and going through hard times, then out of nowhere some hot bitch calls u n shit... and after going on about how hot she is... you turn down sex.......like thats fucked up right there cause everyone knows a man is only as faithful as his options.. no dude in his right mind would turn down that kind of offer.. and then out of nowhere once again, she commits suicide cause you wouldnt fuck her.. At the end of that I dont know what to think.. You got a weird ass perspective man being real.. Limited edition got this by a mile.. Peace. |
Voted For: Limited Edition
LE got it............................................... |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:23 PM. |