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Mr. Hahn vs Kein Witz
Battle Rules: 10 - UNLIMITED Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Topical Battle Topic: The Creation of The Universe Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 05-14-05 at 07:07 PM Must drop verse in 1440 minutes after check in. |
Mr. Hahn has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-11-05 07:07 PM.
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Kein Witz has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-11-05 08:07 PM.
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][ Gah. This'll be a weird one...don't like the topic much, but okay. ][
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A chalk outline surrounding infinite time and space, A vast state of grace with fragments of dust and nothingness lingering into illustration and vanity forever stuck in this obscurity someone had to stop the insanity First there was a chilling freefall of mass minerals staggering situations rated sprawling passed sinical adverse fate struck the radiance as it burst with rage and suited protest space divided creation and beyond age was purpose new world zephyrs frozen in distance let forth new world ambitions outgrowth swayed at the fingertips of existence & followed unfurled traditions next came two lights prevailing life upon the cosmos one light ruling the day and another taking control of nights polyphonic prose In my own illustration with the remnants of delay I twisted the breathing into existence with mind of melodic praise In my own illustration with the remnants of delay I twisted the breathing into existence with mind of melodic praise |
A chalk outline surrounding infinite time and space, A vast state of grace with fragments of dust and nothingness lingering into illustration and vanity forever stuck in this obscurity someone had to stop the insanity First there was a chilling freefall of mass minerals staggering situations rated sprawling passed sinical adverse fate struck the radiance as it burst with rage and suited protest space divided creation and beyond age was purpose new world zephyrs frozen in distance let forth new world ambitions outgrowth swayed at the fingertips of existence & followed unfurled traditions next came two lights prevailing life upon the cosmos one light ruling the day and another taking control of nights polyphonic prose In my own illustration with the remnants of delay I twisted the breathing into existence with mind of melodic praise In my own illustration with the remnants of delay I twisted the breathing into existence with mind of melodic praise |
Okay so i write sloppy, the last post wasnt suppose to be there lol and the last bar wasnt suppose to be there either >.<
Oh well... theres my drop :hump: |
The air smelled of incense, rosemary, expectations immense;
melodrama choked the air, almost scary, building suspense. Hands like clever mice, working the tools with feverish fingers, arms drenched in congealed grease, a sawdust smell lingers. His arms were frail, breathing shallow, watching his creation. countenance pale, wisps of gray hair trembling in expectation. A twisted figure lay infront of him, limbs in irregular positions. Its hair was crudely trimmed, arms risen in simple submission. His fists balled, perspiration a pool in which he was immersed, another creation flawed, just another product of the universe. |
Uppin' this piece...let's get some votes here, guys.
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yeahh uppin for the night...
i messed up my verse double posted and what not... that last bar aint spose to be there either |
This was feedback posted for Mr. Hahn
checkin the polls...lets go Hahn-izzle lol...yu got thisone lol
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Voted For: Kein Witz
yours gets the win....seemed better to me personally. |
This was feedback posted for Mr. Hahn
polls.............................................
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What the hell kind of bs vote is that?
Break it down or it isnt counting |
Uppin'...please explain votes. You can get that disqualified if you want, Hahn.
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Uppin'............................................
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1-0. Uppin', let's go. >< ........................
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Didn't like that topic. <<
Anyone, still looking for votes here. |
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this is what gives RV a bad name... nobody fucking votes...
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Voted For: Kein Witz
Green Eggs And Ham............................................... . Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
o_O Why do you keep voting for me without explaining it? Not helping when it's DQed.
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This was feedback posted for Mr. Hahn
pollllzzzz........................................ ...
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Voted For: Kein Witz
Flow-Kein.......Mr. Hahn had his verse structured bettter but Kein Witz placed his rhyming words better. Emotion-Kein....both had emotion,but Kein's was incredible.His statements were just far more ulterior. Multis-Kein again.....Bassically all the words he rhymed had more than one syllable.Mr Hahn had some multiple syllable rhmying too.. but Kein's was just better Vocab-Kein....like all the other caterogories,both of you did good in this.But it was like...almost every line in Kein's verse had a word that would make a elemantary kid scratch his head. Originality-Mr. Hahn....The idea behind Kein's verse was simple.Take just one look at the topic name and Kein's idea would be the first to come to mind. Well....tis was a good battle.Both of you had good verses.To me this how topicals should be.Dun make topicals with like 30 lines.Nobody wanna read a novel.Keep it short but ulterior. And Kein...I voted in a lot a ur battles...and this is ur best verse I seen.U actually stayed on topic this time. Vote-Kein(rtf in sig) |
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Voted For: Kein Witz
Damn @ Kein's verse. That was some nice shit dude, Crazy how someone can write shit like that. Very harmonic or something, lol. Nice way that you put it together as well. The first two lines were put together very well as well as the last two lines.. Mr. Hahn, You had length on him but your verse just didn't match up with his. Kein, you had nice imagery homeslice. Hahn you're verse was good and all but it just wasn't as good as Keins. Nice imagery as well though... But my vote goes to Kein due to the story told in such a short amount of lines and amazing imagery. |
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Voted For: Kein Witz
ok nice battle here both did good but i felt keins better just way betta at the vocab sectiona nd flow kein work a just a little more on emotions but u got this MH u did good but not that good man need to work on ur flow and structure and a just more on vocab some words were good but still needs more so in my opinion my v/ goes to kein witz |
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