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(Jimmy Pocketz) vs Kein Witz
Topic: Cops on Patrol
Topic Battle Rules: 10 - UNLIMITED Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 05-14-05 at 08:28 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
Kein Witz has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-11-05 08:42 PM.
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Sort of long... :D
The rain fell hard, running in rivulets down the cemetery. A priest recited rituals, the dead bodied was lowered, buried. "Mr. John Lakes, 1964-2005...Loyal Father, once married" said the tombstone's inscription, read by one ex-cop, wary. He had no umbrella to shield him from the drops of rain, mixing with the tears on his gaunt cheeks, hiding the pain. His fingers twitched involuntarily, as he tried to explain: it wasn't his fault, his emotions unable to be contained. He stood there for hours, eyes narrowed to the grave, of one of the only two people, in his career, he hadn't saved. Once-lieutenant, turning eyes away, departed with a wave, fresh flowers on the burial site, mixed with others he gave. His shoes, standard issue, slapped audibly on the street; bringing up puddles, oblivious, head hung in simple defeat. A child stared from an alley, scavaging for food to eat. He noticed the eyes, the nose, dug in his pockets for a treat. His hands came up empty, clenching a few strands of lint. The ex-cop turned away,seeing the couple wherever he went. He quickened his pace with a stoic face, broke into a sprint. Remember everything he had once did, everything he didn't. Riding in his cruiser, his foot slamming down the pedal, making a sharp turn, hearing the crumpling of metal. Held by his seatbelt, he waited for his thoughts to settle. The unlucky passenger died, grasping a handful of petals. Turns out the flowers were for his Alzheimer-stricken mom. Roses, the thorns biting into the dead man's pale palm. The cop's eyes were sullen, sinking into their sockets. His hands reached around, landing next to his left pocket. He took the gun in his hand, a tool to end his pain. To his temple, pulled the trigger, the walls coated with brains. |
Sorry, I was trying to compress it because it was too long. It was going to be a huge one...basically, he was chasing a person in hot pursuit and slammed into a car, killing the other person. Where are you, Jimmy?
o_O Want a rematch after this, too? |
(Jimmy Pocketz) has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-13-05 12:18 AM.
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......John:So What is it Like Being a Cop in Detroit? .......Royce:Depressing .......John:4 Real man...my Phones going out Tell Me .......Royce: Itz DANGEROUS........ The Truth is this City is Worn out and Truthfully Deminished With Broken Down Cadillacs and Buildings Neva Re-Finished Over on 8 Mile you Can find the Prostitues turning Tricks For their Rent...and there life gets Spents Burning Dicks With the Slightest of Remorse for there Last Days Pleeding Exchanging Needles with Feens Notice there Aids is Bleeding And Seeping out of there Pores..Go Look Across the Street Notice the Hustlers and Busters in Disguise Trying 2 Beat The Descreet Savy... of the Citys Few Law Biting Citizens Like the Living Legend Rosa Parks are Pushed into Existence and the Importance is no Longer Noticed or Even Focused On Because your Forgot like a Champion that was Suppose 2 Won The Constant Battle of The Cheddar Boyz and the Street Lordz & the Gang Community is Immunity its Nothing but Street Warz Between the Pimps and There Tricks that Supply them Wealth But Notice the Bums whos Dinner is Gum.. But the Mayor...... wont even help them Supply 4 them Self So Basically after Eleven.. O.. Clock Pm the Lights turn Dim and the Freaks Come Out and our Surving Chances turn Slim All were Equipped with is these Clipz...Shotgun and NightStick And my BulletProof Vest Got Tested by Bulletz from a LightCrip That Thought trying to Flaw... the Law was a Worthier Cause to Try to Put Me.. and My Partners Life in his very Own Palms Not Focuseing on the Fact that Now he Has Life in the Prison On A Bad Choice Wrong Night now he has Life in the System Due to him being a Feen and a Product of his Enviorement Which is the Reason im Done with this Beat and im Retireing Because i cant Take Seeing Husbands Beating on there Wives and The Crackheadz and Aids Victims Beating on there Lives So this is my Last time on the Beat..... and my Last ................Moment of Light and Life *Royce Points Gun at His Temple and Pulls the Trigger* ............John:HELLO HELLO...ROYCE what was that Noise? |
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Uppin' for some votes...Nice drop there. This should be good.
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Yea good drop Kid.....classic battle.....................
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o_O Interesting, both of our topics end in the cops blowing out their brains. :D I should've used inner rhymes and stuff. If people'd friggin' vote, we could have a rematch or collab or something.
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Voted For: (Jimmy Pocketz)
f dfgzfddfgdfgfdgdfvfdlgnjdfzks.kfsbgfjkdbgskjgbkjb Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
Voted For: Kein Witz
both was nice. good structures and all....the win goes too... Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
lol those arent votes//////both votes dismissed.....
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God damnit, we can't even get real votes here...Up.
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Voted For: Kein Witz
both topicals were good both were on topic but kein witz had a better visual verse both did good but i just think that kein's was better though i liked pockets endin and opener the overall structure and concept was better for kein v/ kein witz |
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Puppy Fingers Fan The Prim Fuckers. Whooo.........
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Topicals never get any votes anymore. Motherfuckers interested in this weak ass motherfucking wanna-be gangster shit where people talk about shit they don't know about. Fucking pathetic.
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Voted For: Kein Witz
Bomberman......................................... ............. Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. |
...Uhm. Get that disqualified? ...................
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Voted For: (Jimmy Pocketz)
Troop-Nice verse.A lot a times in topicals....I fall asleep.But ur shit kept me goin.Nice concept too.A cop explain the hardships and perils of being a cop at Detriot.....and then kills himself at end.That's some good stuff.Vacab a lil bland though.But it all good. Kein Witz-Topic was cops on patrol.Ur shit was a retired cop mourning over a lost one.In case ya dun know....patrol means to inspect an area.Just like ur battle with R-Rated...you didnt stay on topic.It was a good verse though a lil on the boring side.Ur ending wasn't as good as troop put it. Vote-T.R.O.O.P.(vote in link below please) http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=196531 Removed by K-Trini's request |
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No...reason we dun vote in topical is because it's long and a lot a times.....it the same shit.It's always some dramaitc or emotional shit sayin the same thing.Do a couple comedy or erotic topical dealin with sex or sumtin.I dun know.....just do some new topical aside from drama and emotional. |
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K-Trini, I didn't want to make it that long. It's about what happened when he was on patrol. He hit someone, and he was mourning it. I think I know when I'm writing about what I set as a topic, thanks.
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Troop.........vote in link I posted at bottom of my vote or I'll have my vote removed.
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troop....................ya got tonight to return the favor.........if ya dun do it.........my vote gettin removed.,
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