|
"Past to Present"
I wrote it to "Dear Summer" by Jay-Z Relationship ups and downs, Although most collapse, I got a few stories to tell, Let me show you the past... I've shortened a few relationships, a pinch of the portion, Where my bitch was annoyin, not a very fortunate youth, tortured the few you been with, being unfortunates true, Reconsidering my thoughts, actually it was more than a few, Wish i had known the result of an attempted abortion, Before spendin a fortune tryna believe i'm important to you, Behind those innocent lines is a criminal mind and, I was blinded cause I've never seen someone as gorgeous as you, Reminded every so often... you've been paintin an image, Let me sit at the table a minute, as you forgin the truth, But absorbin the truth hurts worse than psyhical pain, Little remains that feels worse than being broken in two, Theres little to gain... when everythings in the drain, Feelin ashamed, women deranged, and simply hopeless too.. Relationships my collapse, But this one I won't let it, I got a few stories to tell, Let me show you the present... Picturing them beautiful eyes, the original perfect couple, Cause when Kirks in trouble, an angel is you in disguise, Take 2 and divide it by one, continues to be 2 genius, So when someone get between us its still you by my side, Not cloudin my sight to know that forever you'll stay, With a relationship that never fades in and out like the tides, Simply stays the same, so before we change your name, Lets promise that we'll remain the same while never doubting our ties, My angel coming out from the skies, and if shes crowded with lies, I hope she asks me if its true before pouting her eyes, She knows i'd be loyal to her, and trust me before rumors and, My baby girl can humor them... she knows the truth from the lies, Who right in their mind would give up such a deliteful and kind, Girl whos also sweet, and through the months is rightfully mine, Shes frightened at times, but she know i want her so long, And if loving hers wrong... then baby im likin these crimes... Structure is wack, I know. But don't hate the style. If you don't understand how I was flowin to it then don't even bother posting feedback. Just basically speaking of my last girl compared to my new one. http://community.rapverse.com/showp...19&postcount=13 |
:huh: uppppppiiinnnn :huh:
|
this was a pretty decent drop.. nice structure
good imagery,... your structure was goood You had nice wordplay , and good vocab .. You had Nice feeling and good emotions.. This was one of your best om's keep it up , not the best but it was good.. |
Wow...
Best shit Ive ever read, and thats on everything...1000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0/fuckin 10...this was fuckin dope as fuck man...Really beautiful...Im feelin this shit... omg Good shit!!!!!!!!!! |
uppin..........
|
god damn it... uppin.....
|
This was your best open mic...
8.5/10 Very good bro. |
Hot shit, structure was good. But the message and rhyme scheme was really damn good. Good job, fav lines:
Reconsidering my thoughts, actually it was more than a few, Wish i had known the result of an attempted abortion, Before spendin a fortune tryna believe i'm important to you, Nice drop.. |
9/10
verrrryy good shit onestep I hope she asks me if its true before pouting her eyes, She knows i'd be loyal to her, and trust me before rumors and, My baby girl can humor them... she knows the truth from the lies, Who right in their mind would give up such a deliteful and kind, Girl whos also sweet, and through the months is rightfully mine, Shes frightened at times, but she know i want her so long, And if loving hers wrong... then baby im likin these crimes... ^^--- ur best lines right there keep this up! reppin og's :thumbup: |
this shit was dope man.......it was full of good emotions.......your structure wasnt as bad as your puttin it up to be........i like the rhyme scheme........everyone keeps sayin its the best one you dropped......and i sorta agree....its kinda hard tp pick cuz you had some dope ones besides this one......keep it up fam
:thumbup: |
shyt was hot!liked the way u hit it up! my opinion is u sik cuz!(9/10)`( i read it 3 timez N still cant get enough we need some more of that in open mic! holla Atcha boy
|
this was a hot drop here. some good emotional bars in there and some decent imagery could have used some more of that. rhyme scheme was fine, and flow was on point.
i give it a 9/10 because overall it was hotness, just need some fine tuning i liked this section right here Take 2 and divide it by one, continues to be 2 genius, So when someone get between us its still you by my side, Not cloudin my sight to know that forever you'll stay, With a relationship that never fades in and out like the tides, ^^that was my fav part of the joint. i like the change up in the rhyme scheme it made it more unique in its on style n shit, keep doin ya thing....1... |
uppin..........
|
damn that was dope he spittin that Crack
|
uppin.................
|
uppin.................
__________________ |
you got that eminem style goin...I like the way You broke down tha relationship!
I gotta say that was great...really...that mustve took alotta thought an emotion ta put ur heart out there like that. best line that I felt"Reconsidering my thoughts, actually it was more than a few, Wish i had known the result of an attempted abortion, Before spendin a fortune tryna believe i'm important to you, Behind those innocent lines is a criminal mind and, I was blinded cause I've never seen someone as gorgeous as you" ^^^I've been threw it..an regret that!^^^ keep goin with the real!! |
9/10...simply ur best...need i really explain myself fam?...real talk
|
la la la....verse being processed....
shit man, you got emotion coming outta the wazoo....its kinda hard to flow to without the beat, but it doesn't matter that much..just cant be stubborn about shit, cause it was a unique style that was enjoyable to read......like i said, loved the emotion, really stood out in this piece, imagery was good, not as much because this was an emotional piece, so it didn't really matter.......good use of vocab, shit man....this was dope, really expressed yourself nicely, easily understandable and definately relatable......good piece my homie yeah, you should go check out my poems....beach.......word, keep up.........and if you still wanna do that one collab or whatever, i totally forgot about it, and what to write about and stuff, haha,a word |
uppin this shit for my boy OSB ya heard
|
uppin this shit for my boy OSB ya heard!
__________________ |
uppin this shit for my boy OSB ya heard!
__________________ __________________ |
bah bah bah bah barndoor
|
uppin..........
|
ppin this shit for my boy OSB ya heard!
__________________ __________________ |
uppin...............
|
uppin.................
__________________ __________________ |
uppin this shit for my boy OSB ya heard
__________________ |
uppin..........
|
uppin.................
__________________ __________________ |
ppin this shit for my boy OSB ya heard!
__________________ __________________ |
Da shit was real deep was feelin it ,right wordplay structure eerrything was on point cant get no better really keep doing ya thang and remember even though when u and other people think u on top of your game keep strivin to do better RTF on So Much and my up N comming Open MIC "R.I.P." N "Tryin Me"
|
uppin............
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:27 PM. |